Archive for March, 2011

Raise Your Hand If You'd Give Them Their Own Reality Show.

Man: Don't worry about what I've got in my pocket, worry about what's in your pocket. I see you've got nothing on your back.
Woman: Betsey Johnson! I got Betsey Johnson on my back! $350 dollar jacket, motherfucker, you were 78th in your high school class, get a GED! –Douglass Houses

But How Would a Dog Tell the Truth, Anyway?

Young dude #1: What is it they say about sleeping dogs?
Young dude #2: That you should let them lie.
Young dude #1: No, I think it was something else…
Young dude #2: Like what? What else does a sleeping dog *do*?
Young dude #1: Yeah… I can see your point. But what does that saying mean?
Young dude #2: It means: don't do whatever fucked-up thing you were thinking of doing. –3 Train

How About a Big Kiss?

Starbucks cashier: Just to let you know, we don't have any coffee today.
Dude, confused: What do you have? –Starbucks

…According to Our Family Chore Board.

Dad to whining kids: Kids, you need to lay off the whining. If anyone is going to be whining today, it's going to be daddy. –Lincoln Center Overheard by: Jennifer, an amused passerby

…You Understandify What I'm Sayering?

Annoying girl: I want to live by myself in one of those split, condo-ish, house things… You know, it's like where the house is in two parts right next to each other?
Friend: A duplex.
Annoying girl: Yeah, that's right; a two-plex. –Union Square Overheard by: lisabeth

The Natives Are Rootless

Desperate-sounding tourist, lost in Chinatown: Excuse me, do you know where the subway is?
Girl #1: Er, no, sorry!
Girl #2: Well congratulations, you finally look like a native.
Girl #1: Actually, I think this means I look like a white person who speaks English. –Bowery & Hester

And Any Number Of Additional Holes

Goth chick #1: You wanna go out Friday?
Goth chick #2: I ain't got no money. Well, I do, but I'm saving up for a tattoo.
Goth chick #1: Oh, you finally got a job?
Goth chick #2: No. But a woman at an interview told me I should take the rings out of my lip if I want a professional job. So I'm gonna. I mean I'm 22 I need to grow up.
Goth chick #1: And the nose ring?
Goth chick #2: No way! I may have to grow up but I still have style. –F Train Overheard by: wigguynyc

Is It a Grande or a Venti Baby?

Old woman to pregnant woman walking out of Starbucks, coffee in hand: What is it?
Pregnant woman, looking at her coffee: It's a grande vanilla skim latte.
Old woman: No, I mean is it a boy or a girl?
Pregnant woman: Oh! I don't know, actually.
Old woman, disapprovingly: You're drinking coffee?
Pregnant woman: It's decaf.
Old woman: Oh, then it's okay. –58th St & Lexington Overheard by: Katie H

A Guy Who Really Loves You Never Comes at All

Guy: I heard that if a guy comes really quick it's a complement.
Girl: That's a lie.
Girl sitting on bench, shouting in: Yup, definitely a lie! –Brooklyn Overheard by: Girl on Bench