Archive for March, 2011

Ad: At the Philharmonic, No One Can Hear You Snore

Wife: Did you hear it while you were sleeping?
Husband: Nope. Dreamland.
Wife: Ah… Out for the count, eh?
Husband: Yeah, but I loved it! It was great. I sleep here like I sleep nowhere else…

–Avery Fisher Hall, after NYPhil Concert


What With My Dad Breastfeeding Me

Girl #1: There was never any time I wasn't kissing guys.
Girl #2: What?
Girl #1:  I mean I've been flirting and dating and making out with guys since like, I was an infant.

–NJ Transit


Oh, Leave Renee Zellweger Alone!

Woman boarding bus to the driver: Are you Asian?
Obviously Asian driver, not understanding: No.
Woman: Oh, okay. (gets on)

–FangWah Bus, Chinatown

Overheard by: Aly


Raise Your Hand If You'd Give Them Their Own Reality Show.

Man: Don't worry about what I've got in my pocket, worry about what's in your pocket. I see you've got nothing on your back.
Woman: Betsey Johnson! I got Betsey Johnson on my back! $350 dollar jacket, motherfucker, you were 78th in your high school class, get a GED!

–Douglass Houses


But How Would a Dog Tell the Truth, Anyway?

Young dude #1: What is it they say about sleeping dogs?
Young dude #2: That you should let them lie.
Young dude #1: No, I think it was something else…
Young dude #2: Like what? What else does a sleeping dog *do*?
Young dude #1: Yeah… I can see your point. But what does that saying mean?
Young dude #2: It means: don't do whatever fucked-up thing you were thinking of doing.

–3 Train


How About a Big Kiss?

Starbucks cashier: Just to let you know, we don't have any coffee today.
Dude, confused: What do you have?

–Starbucks


…According to Our Family Chore Board.

Dad to whining kids: Kids, you need to lay off the whining. If anyone is going to be whining today, it's going to be daddy.

–Lincoln Center

Overheard by: Jennifer, an amused passerby


…You Understandify What I'm Sayering?

Annoying girl: I want to live by myself in one of those split, condo-ish, house things… You know, it's like where the house is in two parts right next to each other?
Friend: A duplex.
Annoying girl: Yeah, that's right; a two-plex.

–Union Square

Overheard by: lisabeth


The Natives Are Rootless

Desperate-sounding tourist, lost in Chinatown: Excuse me, do you know where the subway is?
Girl #1: Er, no, sorry!
Girl #2: Well congratulations, you finally look like a native.
Girl #1: Actually, I think this means I look like a white person who speaks English.

–Bowery & Hester


And Any Number Of Additional Holes

Goth chick #1: You wanna go out Friday?
Goth chick #2: I ain't got no money. Well, I do, but I'm saving up for a tattoo.
Goth chick #1: Oh, you finally got a job?
Goth chick #2: No. But a woman at an interview told me I should take the rings out of my lip if I want a professional job. So I'm gonna. I mean I'm 22 I need to grow up.
Goth chick #1: And the nose ring?
Goth chick #2: No way! I may have to grow up but I still have style.

–F Train

Overheard by: wigguynyc