Archive for March, 2011

Is It a Grande or a Venti Baby?

Old woman to pregnant woman walking out of Starbucks, coffee in hand: What is it?
Pregnant woman, looking at her coffee: It's a grande vanilla skim latte.
Old woman: No, I mean is it a boy or a girl?
Pregnant woman: Oh! I don't know, actually.
Old woman, disapprovingly: You're drinking coffee?
Pregnant woman: It's decaf.
Old woman: Oh, then it's okay.

–58th St & Lexington

Overheard by: Katie H


A Guy Who Really Loves You Never Comes at All

Guy: I heard that if a guy comes really quick it's a complement.
Girl: That's a lie.
Girl sitting on bench, shouting in: Yup, definitely a lie!

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: Girl on Bench


…Now Cut Me, Mick!

Man to woman trying to get into car surrounded by snow: It's not going to be easy.
Woman: Well, if Rocky's taught us anything it's that there's no easy way out.

–8th Ave & 41 St


Will These Wednesday One-Liners Be Graded on a Curve?

20-something guy to another: Yeah, 9th grade was when I started to get my swagger on…

–31st & 6th Ave

Student: Guess what? I'm not coming to school tomorrow. Or Thursday. Or Friday. Or Monday. Or Tuesday. Or Wednesday. Or September. Know why? (pause) Cause muh name's Mike.

–Curtis High School, Staten Island

Overheard by: jules

Short homey on crutches: Yo, ah don' know how to read either, but ah got mah college degree!

–Fulton Mall, Brooklyn

Football player on phone: Nah, man, I'm not living in Cali anymore! I'm going to Fordham. It's in New York City! Yeah, man, I'm going to school with Senators' daughters and shit!

–Fordham University

Overheard by: Martin Van Nostrand

Strangely eloquent little boy to mom: In school my teacher told us to write down five words we know. I said, 'fuck that!' and gave her this. (pulls crumpled drawing of stick figure under rainbow out of jacket pocket, and hands it to mother)

–Q Train


Wednesday One-Liner Is Still Jenny from the Block

Conductor: This as an uptown 6 train heading to the Bronx, also known as "The Boogy Down."

–6 Train

Old Jewish retired NYPD man on cell: You want me to come out there to fix that. That's expensive. (pause) What kinda Jew are you? Oy vey! (pause) Yeah, the Bronx. (pause) That's dangerous shit, that's Jennifer Lopez territory.

–Post Office, Williamsburg

Teenage guy to pet owner whose dog has just relieved herself on curb: You gonna pick that up? This ain't the Bronx, you know.

–33rd St & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: Noah Jenda

Mother to her child: Going to the Bronx zoo isn't just a natural experience, its a cultural experience.

–Bronx Zoo


Worldly One-Liners

Young suit: I think this is really authentic Italian food, like the kind you find in France.

–Caffe Linda, 49th & Lex

Loud drunk girl: Where the fuck is the train? What is this? Vietnam?!

–PATH

Overheard by: TR

Hippie dude: I've come to realize that Australians are all queer. They just like… Don't fight… And want their moms… And… I can't explain it, man… I think it has something to do with being sent away from England. I can't explain it.

–Union Square

Overheard by: K Melv

Girl: Hello, Soviet gulag. How are you today?

–NYU Dorm

Overheard by: Bruce Lee


My Friend's From Special K-Town, Sir

Girl on street: Where are we?
Friend: K-town.
Girl on street: Oh really? Yoboseyo? Saranghaeyo. Kamsahamnida!
Friend: Shhh!
Girl on street: (continues to mumble random Korean words)
Random foreigner: Girl, you in the wrong city.

–K-Town

Overheard by: EunMi