Archive for March, 2011

Will These Wednesday One-Liners Be Graded on a Curve?

20-something guy to another: Yeah, 9th grade was when I started to get my swagger on…

–31st & 6th Ave

Student: Guess what? I'm not coming to school tomorrow. Or Thursday. Or Friday. Or Monday. Or Tuesday. Or Wednesday. Or September. Know why? (pause) Cause muh name's Mike.

–Curtis High School, Staten Island

Overheard by: jules

Short homey on crutches: Yo, ah don' know how to read either, but ah got mah college degree!

–Fulton Mall, Brooklyn

Football player on phone: Nah, man, I'm not living in Cali anymore! I'm going to Fordham. It's in New York City! Yeah, man, I'm going to school with Senators' daughters and shit!

–Fordham University

Overheard by: Martin Van Nostrand

Strangely eloquent little boy to mom: In school my teacher told us to write down five words we know. I said, 'fuck that!' and gave her this. (pulls crumpled drawing of stick figure under rainbow out of jacket pocket, and hands it to mother)

–Q Train

Wednesday One-Liner Is Still Jenny from the Block

Conductor: This as an uptown 6 train heading to the Bronx, also known as "The Boogy Down."

–6 Train

Old Jewish retired NYPD man on cell: You want me to come out there to fix that. That's expensive. (pause) What kinda Jew are you? Oy vey! (pause) Yeah, the Bronx. (pause) That's dangerous shit, that's Jennifer Lopez territory.

–Post Office, Williamsburg

Teenage guy to pet owner whose dog has just relieved herself on curb: You gonna pick that up? This ain't the Bronx, you know.

–33rd St & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: Noah Jenda

Mother to her child: Going to the Bronx zoo isn't just a natural experience, its a cultural experience.

–Bronx Zoo

Worldly One-Liners

Young suit: I think this is really authentic Italian food, like the kind you find in France.

–Caffe Linda, 49th & Lex

Loud drunk girl: Where the fuck is the train? What is this? Vietnam?!


Overheard by: TR

Hippie dude: I've come to realize that Australians are all queer. They just like… Don't fight… And want their moms… And… I can't explain it, man… I think it has something to do with being sent away from England. I can't explain it.

–Union Square

Overheard by: K Melv

Girl: Hello, Soviet gulag. How are you today?

–NYU Dorm

Overheard by: Bruce Lee

My Friend's From Special K-Town, Sir

Girl on street: Where are we?
Friend: K-town.
Girl on street: Oh really? Yoboseyo? Saranghaeyo. Kamsahamnida!
Friend: Shhh!
Girl on street: (continues to mumble random Korean words)
Random foreigner: Girl, you in the wrong city.


Overheard by: EunMi

Ooo, or Maybe They Shipped Pens?

Girl to friend: Why is it called Pennsylvania Station?
Friend: Oh, I think it used to ship a lot of people to Pennsylvania, or something…

–Outside Penn Station

How Will That Help the Lesbian Rate?

Man #1: On new year's eve, at 1515 Broadway! That's where she's gonna be.
Man #2: You mean she's gonna drop the ball?
Man #1: She's gonna be in the ball!
Man #2: You mean they're gonna put the Snooki in that big ball?
Man #1: Yeah!


Overheard by: Jamie