Archive for March, 2011

How Will That Help the Lesbian Rate?

Man #1: On new year's eve, at 1515 Broadway! That's where she's gonna be.
Man #2: You mean she's gonna drop the ball?
Man #1: She's gonna be in the ball!
Man #2: You mean they're gonna put the Snooki in that big ball?
Man #1: Yeah! –Astoria Overheard by: Jamie

Bieber + the Stage = Your Height, Sweetie

Teenage girl to friends: Oh my god, guys, oh my god, I saw Justin Bieber last night! I saw Justin Bieber last night! We were in the third row! He winked at me and I died.
Teenage friend: Is he your height or shorter than you?
Teenage girl: He's my height! No, no, he's definitely my height! –27th St & Broadway

It's the Old How-Jamaica-Love-You Scam

Pretty girl: He told me to listen to Eek-A-Mouse. And, like, I did. But only because I want to fuck him.
Less pretty friend: You need to stop. –Broadway & 51st St

Now I'm Aroused, but Oddly Disappointed

Bubbly Barnard student: What about that new guy on Glee?
Bubbly's friend: No. I checked. Not gay.
Bubbly Barnard student: Oh my god. No? He's straight? No way! I feel like everyone's gay nowadays. –Barnard Computer Lab Overheard by: Samantha

Um, I Meant Nellie Oleson.

Thug kid #1: Yo, I heard Nelly was a part of the Illuminati!
Thug kid #2: Yo, you know that's just shit they say to bring niggas down! –1 Train Overheard by: babylani

What Would Nico Do?

Girl: I really like that song. It reminds me of something The Velvet Underground would do.
Guy: The Velvet Underground can suck my dick.
Girl, offended: Well, you can suck your dick! –22 & 6th Overheard by: Can he really?

Wednesday 4:20-Liners

Teenager in oversized sweatpants: When I smoke pot, it just helps me unclench my butthole. –Sheepshead Bay, Brooklyn Overheard by: POLA Undergrad: Those were weed brownies? That's why I felt so weird! –Butler Library, Columbia University College boy on cell: The way I see it, with the amount of money I have, I can either get two pills, which doesn't even get me that fucked up anymore, or I can just buy a shitload of weed. –Port Authority Bus Terminal Stoner to orthodox Jew: Hanukkah? Marijuanica. –St. Mark's Place Overheard by: Nora Claire