Waspy male NYU student in hushed voice: No, mom, I do not want you to send me my man thong!

–Central Park

Overheard by: Sarah

Laughing woman to cop: And then I told him I'd put curry in his underwear!

–TD Bank, 52nd & 3rd

Woman on phone: So you should bring a suit and jacket. (pause) Yes you must bring socks. (pause) I guess underwear is optional.

–E 86th St

Overheard by: comando suit

30-something chick on phone: Jen sent her a burka from Afghanistan and I was like "Yeah, remember this isn't a kilt–you gotta wear panties under that shit."

–7 Train

Overheard by: talker's remorse

College girl: Why would I show my condom collection to my mother?

–E 14th St

Guy selling Obama condoms: It's a election, erection, collection for your protection.

–Times Square

Girl, stopping in the middle of crowded street, yelling into phone: Wait! How much did your NuvaRing cost?

–Outside Grand Central Statioin

Preppie boy to preppie girl: Well, it was really good until the condom broke.

–Columbus Circle

Overheard by: emily

Girl to boyfriend frantically searching Plan B: Slow down! Geez, we have 72 hours…

–Duane Reade

Overheard by: Jules

Guy on phone: Where is he? What? He's dead? He died? What? He's gay? I though you said that he died! Everyone knows he's gay! Are you crying because he's gay-gay?

–Q Train

Overheard by: Claire

Girl: She's so far in the closet she can see Narnia.

–Bard High School, Queens

Overheard by: Sunny

30-something Asian girl to friend: Actually, Mardi Gras is for gays as well, right?

–3rd Ave & 13th St

Male dancer to two female dancers: I feel like I've brought down the mood. How about this? I'm gay and you're fabulous. Is that better?

–13th St & Broadway

Overheard by: Morgan

NYPD officer: I wanna fuck a gay guy.

–Times Square

Man on cell: I started Jamba Juice night, and I can end it!

–GMHC Building

Guy on cell: What about poison? Clear poison? Mix a little in her Diet Coke.

–Central Park

Male barista to another: Girrrl, I just had two Red Bulls. Do you see how big my eyes are right now? I'm messed up!

–Starbucks

Fireman leaving Duane Reade holding soda: Don't buy soda in there, it's really expensive.

–Broadway & 103rd St

Teenage guy, walking in store with two pet snakes wrapped around his shoulders: I want a snake-a-lotta! (everyone ignores him, and he walks out)

–The Bronx

Big black man entering elevator where huge baby carriage takes up half the space : Y'all need to make some room. I got to get outta here.
Older black woman on elevator: Looks like you need to lose some weight. Whyn't you take your ass over to the staircase?

–Civil Court, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Big Larry

Teen girl #1: Grandparents should not send text messages. What does that even say?
Teen girl #2, reading message: I'm guessing that word there means 'vodka.' Wait, what?

–2nd Ave & 34th Street

Extremely tan girl #1: It's really not that bad if he only cheated on you like two times…
Extremely tan girl #2: Eh? I guess…

–Campus, Staten Island College

Teenage boy #1: So I heard you touched Squish's boob…
Teenage boy #2: Not on purpose.
Teenage boy #1: Whoa, there!
Teenage boy #2: I tripped over my foot and my hand just happened to be there. It was more like a boob to hand high five.
Teenage boy #1: Way to go, man!

–72nd St & 2nd Ave

Teenage girl #1, about two men arguing violently: Think we should call 911?
Teenage girl #2: Why would we need to call 911?
Teenage girl #1: I dunno, it looks like they're gonna get in to fisticuffs.
Teenage girl #2: Fisticuffs?
(they both laugh)
Teenage girl #2: Fisticuffs! Getting all 1800s on us?
Mom: Fisticuffs! What a funny word! What does “fisticuffs” mean?

–Brooklyn

Whiny, chubby girlfriend: But I want to buy vegetables!
Tall, football-player-esque boyfriend: Are you trying to get skinny? Cause I don't do skinny. I don't do skinny!

–65th St & Broadway