Daughter: Everyone else is crossing the street. Why can't we?
Mother: See that car coming? It's not going to stop, and all these people are going to get run over and die.
–Broadway & 34th St
Overheard by: the kid that got run over
Archive for April, 2011
And the Turban Is Supposed to Be Ironic!
Large black man on Bluetooth to androgynous hipster reading book: Yo! Now don't you go readin' about Al Qaeda, man!
Androgynous hipster, removing big headphones: Hmm? Who, me?
Large black man on Bluetooth: Yeah, you. You fucking terrorist, readin' Al Qaeda.
Androgynous hipster, showing him the cover: What the fuck, dude, this book is about vegetarianism!
Large black man on Bluetooth: Psh. Saaaaaame shit. Same fuckin shit.
–43rd & 8th
Overheard by: Jae Y
Hot Shits Rarely Do
Suit #1: He's totally on another level, you know what I mean?
Suit #2: You mean he doesn't give a shit?
Suit #1: Yeah!
–Lexington & 45th St
Overheard by: Laurie
Does That Ever Work on Dad?
Four-year-old boy: Uh-oh… Poop.
Mom: No, no, no! You push that fart back in! Right now!
–M79 Bus
Don't You Want to Play Let's You and Him Fight?
Girl #1: I'm saving that seat for my boyfriend. He's right behind you.
Guy: There's another seat right there.
Girl #1: But it's for my boyfriend! Don't sit there!
Guy: Well, I'm not moving.
Girl #1: I can't believe you. Move!
Guy: No.
Guy's girlfriend: He hurt his ankle earlier.
Girl #1: I can't believe you wouldn't move.
Guy: Don't be a bitch.
Girl #1: Real gentlemanly! (to boyfriend) Why didn't you defend me when he called me a bitch?!
Girl #1's boyfriend: (silence)
–Uptown A Train
Overheard by: Alex
On the Plus Side, Add in Your Yeast Infection and You've Got a Sandwich.
Pretty girl: The first time we made out he tasted like… I don't know, pickles, maybe? But like expired ones. The second time was more like bologna.
Asian friend: Ew!
Pretty girl: I don't know why I even date him. I let him get to second, too…
Asian friend: Ew!
–Central Park
It Goes Great with My Stuffing.
Hipster, flapping arms: I make the turkey noise when I ejaculate! I make the turkey noise! Oh-gobble gobble gobble!
–Bushwick & Grand
…During His Vows.
Man to woman: I hope that one day, when you meet a guy and get married, he just says to you “I want to fuck you in the face!”
–College of Staten Island
Dad's Penis: Contents Under Pressure; For External Use Only
Harried-looking mother dragging daughter out of the subway: You should have come with a warning label.
Daughter: What?
–77th St & Lexington Ave
Overheard by: Sandi
Jesus Has His Reasons
Bro #1: Have you tasted that guy's blood? He's like drunk all the time.
Bro #2: Yeah…
–E 85th St & Lexington
Overheard by: rastapasta