Archive for May, 2011

Um, Isn't That Your Wife's Birth Control?

Middle aged black man: I don't need some pill to make me skeet. You know what I'm sayin?
Slightly older black man: I gots the magic pill. I like makin' sure I be ready for my bitch!

–51st & Lexington

Overheard by: Waitingforatrain


…With Your Street Smarts

Southern mom, arriving in New York: Okay, everyone put your street smarts on.
Southern teen girl #1: I put my cell phone in my pocket, is that okay?
Southern teen girl #2: No! That's where the hobos go first! Put it in your sock!

–Train, Penn Station

Overheard by: Lindsey Hogrefe


…I Think I Saw a Video About That

NYU student to friend: Ugh! I stayed up til 4 am.
Friend: Um, why?
NYU student: Apparently the cure for watching YouTube videos is not more YouTube videos.
Friend: You need a twelve step program or something, man.
NYU student: Yeah, maybe.

–NYU


Says the Amuse-Bouche Douche

Guy: Wow, I'm so hungry right now. What's your favorite food?
Girl: Your penis.
Guy: Honey, that buffet is open 24/7.

–2 Train


…I Should Probably Go Get That Checked Out.

Vendor #1, loudly: Do you have Munchhausen's syndrome?
Vendor #2: Which one is that?
Vendor #1: It's the one where you're obsessed with going to the hospital.
Vendor #2: Oh, yeah. Probably.

–Flea Market, Brooklyn

Overheard by: A


“Break Wednesday in Case Of One-Liner”

40-something suit: He said he was an anarchist. He refused to pull over for emergency vehicles.

–45th & Park Ave

Overheard by: Katy

Police officer on megaphone: People, you are in the middle of a road and are blocking traffic. If there is an emergency, nooooboddddy is going to save you.

–57th & 11th

Elevator operator: Man, if I had an emergency chute, I would use that shit today.

–168th St Train Station

Guy rushing out of off-track betting: Hi, Sharon? I'm sorry I didn't call you. I had an emergency this morning. I'm in the hospital. I'll call you right back.

–5th Ave, Bay Ridge

Overheard by: b_clothman


Reduce, Reuse, Wednesday One-Liner

Male student to female student: I went over to her apartment, and she has all reusable, eco-friendly cups… So there I am, drinking out of what seems like a plastic cup, but with permanent lipstick stains! "No," I said to myself, "No, I am not doing this!"

–St. Mark's & 4th St

Greenpeace guy: On a scale of 1 to 10, how much do you like nature? Where 10 is, like, you wanna live in a tree house, and 1 is like, you want to punch a panda bear in the face?

–Bleecker & Prince

Overheard by: Panda Bear Hater

Teen thug on cell: Yo man, I told you, I don't fucking litter! I care about the motherfucking environment!

–125th & Adam Clayton Powell

Overheard by: hell's kitchenette

Tourist woman: Honey, this plaque talks about global warming as if it's a fact!

–Museum of Natural History

Overheard by: Tim