Archive for May, 2011

These Wednesday One-Liners Are Totally Staged!!

Girl to friend: Yeah, I'm auditioning for a national tour of A Chorus Line in two weeks. I guess I better learn to sing.

–72nd St & Broadway

Guy with map to blonde tourist friend: And all the shows that are "on Broadway" are actually located on a street called "Broadway." I just learned that.

–M60 Bus

Overheard by: KB

Director to actor: If you miss that entrance again I am going to shit a brick on the stage and throw it at you.

–Piper Theater, Park Slope

Overheard by: Sunny

Kid in line for Shakespeare in the Park tickets: So is this all, like, gonna be in that Shakespeare language?


–Central Park, Delacorte Theatre


Overheard by: Megan


Your Editors Plan to Give Kids' TV a Second Look

Hot girl: I've never seen Josh like this before in my life! I'm about to deck this bitch. I don't even care if she's in fucking Ecuador or wherever the fuck she's from.
Hot ghetto chick: Dora the fuckin Explorer better take backpack and Mr Map and head for the fuckin hills, cuz we goin in!

–Harlem

Overheard by: Monique


The Paleness and Hairiness Are Also Compelling Evidence.

Teen boy: How many citizenships can you have? I want to get the Israeli citizenship, but how do I prove it?
Jewish mom: All you have to do is prove that you are Jewish.
Teen boy: How do I prove that?
Jewish mom: I took a picture of your grandma's headstone when I was in Israel, so that should work.

–L Train


Are You Coming on to Me??

Frat friend: Instead of apple and honey, what if I rang in the Jewish new year with pot and whiskey?
Asian friend: Why not an apple martini?

–Whole Foods, Houston St


The ICU Is Where You Go When You Get Fucked Up

Local dude: Yo, my man, whaz up wit you?
Arab counter guy: I'm fucked up…
Local dude: Why's dat?
Arab counter guy: I see you, I'm fucked up…

–Pakistani-run Bodega, 57th & 9th Ave

Overheard by: anthony recchia


…As We Learned in AP Biology.

Hood kid #1: Yo, we talkin bout Tyrell here. We ain't talking bout no debonair type nigga. We talking bout Tyrell.
Hood kid #2: I know, I know yo. He lyin nigga. Any woman who takes a shower be gettin ten times the amount of pussy Tyrell gets.

–E Train


Strangely, Not the Shittiest Quote We've Ever Gotten.

High girl #1: Why do people say “talking out of your ass?” You can't actually talk out of your ass. Like, physically.
High girl #2: Well, it's an expression. Like “talking shit.”
High girl #1: But you can't actually physically make words come out of your ass (turns to random boy). You! Can you talk out of your ass? Like make words come out of it.
Random boy, amused: No,I can't say I have.
High girl #2: But where does the expression “talking shit” come from?
Random boy: I don't know. It's like what you're saying is shit, so your talking is… poop.
High girl #2: Poop!
High girl #1: People order our patties!
High girl #2: From Stop & Shop!
High girl #1, confused: No… SpongeBob.
High girl #2: Yeah, but no… From Stop & Shop.

–Animal Collective Concert, Prospect Park