Well-dressed black man in glasses to pretty black woman in sleek dress: Put your face in it! No, no… Put your face in it! No. Your face in it!
–Grand Central Station
Overheard by: face the corner
Young guy to female friend: I'm gonna falafel her face.
–L Train
Overheard by: dutchess
Latina on phone: Girl, you gotta just tell him it's not okay for him to cum on your face, especially while Craig is in the room.
–32nd & 7th
Bimbette on cell: I have a habit of putting things close to my face that shouldn't be there.
–3rd & 41st
20-something white guy on cell: For this relationship to work we cannot have any face time.
–Thompson & Bleecker
Overheard by: Jessica
Archive for May, 2011
“He Who Wednesday One-Linered It, Dealt It.”
Guy to girl: I'm going to go home and just, like, fart in a shoebox.
–14th & 6th
Overheard by: You do what you need to do
Man to woman at group lunch: That's because you sweat like a man. Seriously, she does! You sweat like a man. You fart like a man. You sweat and fart like a man!
–TGI Friday's
Woman to friend: You got to ride through dat bitch like a fart. One sniff and ya' gone.
–122nd St & Amsterdam
Father, wearily to little boy: For the last time, you can't get sick from a fart!
–Park Slope, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Hunt-ner
Father to three-year-old daughter: You have to be careful with farts, sweetie, because sometimes they become shit.
–18th St & 5th Ave
Overheard by: m
What a Mongolian Cluster Wednesday-One-Liner
Man on cell: Every time I loan you money, you mooch it! (pause) No, that time was different! (pause) Fuck you! I'm coming over right now, I'll be there in twenty minutes, asshole! (hangs up) Fuck everything!
–40th St & Broadway
Overheard by: Ally
Young female suit shouting into cell: Well, that's just the icing on the fuck-cake, isn't it?
–42nd & 5th
50-something woman wearing baseball cap: He fucked me for nine years!
–Central Park
Guy looking at an ad for the King Tut exhibit: King Tut! Fuck you!
–23rd St & Park Ave
Some Pretty Sharp Wednesday One-Liners
Boyfriend, after kissing obviously sick girlfriend: Ugh! That was like a germ syringe made out of lips.
–116th & Broadway
NYU student: I love rolling over and having used heroin needles stabbing me in my trachea.
–NYU
Overheard by: Angela
Guy on cell: Seriously, you should come to the park, it's a beautiful day today. Take your dog out, go for a stroll, and find some hypodermic needles on the ground.
–Corona Park, Flushing Meadows
Skinny blonde: Is this sugar-free?
–Flu Shot Line, NYU Kimmel Center
Overheard by: Jamie
Got to Get You Into My Wednesday One-Liner
Boy: I need a black Jew in my life.
–Bard High School, Queens
Overheard by: Sunny
Guy about to get on train during morning rush hour, in a defeated tone: This is going to be my life? I hate the fucking subway.
–6 Train
Overheard by: Brizzle
20-something girl: I mean, let's be honest, my biggest accomplishment in the past few weeks is making a profile on Jdate. How do you really think my life is going?
–Westway Diner, 43rd & 9th
Girl on cell: Fine, mom! Then I'll just become a stripper. (pause) No, I won't get into drugs. (pause) I know, this is what it feels like when life kicks you in the teeth.
–West 4th & 6th Ave
Overheard by: Lezbotron
These Wednesday One-Liners Are Totally Staged!!
Girl to friend: Yeah, I'm auditioning for a national tour of A Chorus Line in two weeks. I guess I better learn to sing.
–72nd St & Broadway
Guy with map to blonde tourist friend: And all the shows that are "on Broadway" are actually located on a street called "Broadway." I just learned that.
–M60 Bus
Overheard by: KB
Director to actor: If you miss that entrance again I am going to shit a brick on the stage and throw it at you.
–Piper Theater, Park Slope
Overheard by: Sunny
Kid in line for Shakespeare in the Park tickets: So is this all, like, gonna be in that Shakespeare language?
–Central Park, Delacorte Theatre
Overheard by: Megan
Your Editors Plan to Give Kids' TV a Second Look
Hot girl: I've never seen Josh like this before in my life! I'm about to deck this bitch. I don't even care if she's in fucking Ecuador or wherever the fuck she's from.
Hot ghetto chick: Dora the fuckin Explorer better take backpack and Mr Map and head for the fuckin hills, cuz we goin in!
–Harlem
Overheard by: Monique
To Be Fair, School Mostly Teaches Them About Old, White-haired Men.
White-haired man: I don't know why we should put any money towards education. They're all just going to vote Democrat anyway.
Bald man: Yes, obviously that's because they aren't teaching them anything in school.
–E 64th & 1st Ave
The Paleness and Hairiness Are Also Compelling Evidence.
Teen boy: How many citizenships can you have? I want to get the Israeli citizenship, but how do I prove it?
Jewish mom: All you have to do is prove that you are Jewish.
Teen boy: How do I prove that?
Jewish mom: I took a picture of your grandma's headstone when I was in Israel, so that should work.
–L Train
SVU Scriptwriters: *Ears Perk Up*
Very drunk NYU girl: Hey! Hey! Fuck you! (laughs uncontrollably)
Security guard: Okay.
–3rd Ave & 10th