Archive for May, 2011

The ICU Is Where You Go When You Get Fucked Up

Local dude: Yo, my man, whaz up wit you?
Arab counter guy: I'm fucked up…
Local dude: Why's dat?
Arab counter guy: I see you, I'm fucked up… –Pakistani-run Bodega, 57th & 9th Ave Overheard by: anthony recchia

…As We Learned in AP Biology.

Hood kid #1: Yo, we talkin bout Tyrell here. We ain't talking bout no debonair type nigga. We talking bout Tyrell.
Hood kid #2: I know, I know yo. He lyin nigga. Any woman who takes a shower be gettin ten times the amount of pussy Tyrell gets. –E Train

Strangely, Not the Shittiest Quote We've Ever Gotten.

High girl #1: Why do people say “talking out of your ass?” You can't actually talk out of your ass. Like, physically.
High girl #2: Well, it's an expression. Like “talking shit.”
High girl #1: But you can't actually physically make words come out of your ass (turns to random boy). You! Can you talk out of your ass? Like make words come out of it.
Random boy, amused: No,I can't say I have.
High girl #2: But where does the expression “talking shit” come from?
Random boy: I don't know. It's like what you're saying is shit, so your talking is… poop.
High girl #2: Poop!
High girl #1: People order our patties!
High girl #2: From Stop & Shop!
High girl #1, confused: No… SpongeBob.
High girl #2: Yeah, but no… From Stop & Shop. –Animal Collective Concert, Prospect Park

Haha! Just Kidding! The Key Is Lost!

Husky man with gray beard: Can I have the bathroom key, please?
Foreign cashier attendant: Youahaftabuz.
Husky man with gray beard: What?
Foreign cashier attendant: Youahaftabuz.
Husky man with gray beard: Are you saying I have to buy something?
(foreign cashier attendant shakes head)
Husky man with gray beard: That's cruel! Almost inhumane! (grabs soda from cooler) –Washington Square South

How English Is Spoken in New York.

Tourist to Asian girl: Can you tell me how to get to…
Asian girl, in Chinese: I don't speak English, don't ask me.
Tourist: (looks confusedly at the English paperback the girl is reading) –N Train Overheard by: Jessie