Archive for May, 2011

On the Plus Side, They've Probably Lost Their Jobs by Now.

Girl: So then I put in a ten, and then I tried to change it to a five, but it was too late.
Guy #1, laughing: You just lost Goldman Sachs sixty million dollars! Way to go!
Guy #2: Yeah, when I worked at a hedge fund…

–Hallway, NYU Stern

Overheard by: Non-Banker Student


…So, Tell Me More About the Hands!

Woman: Are you a nurse?
Girl in scrubs: No, radiology.
Woman: I ain't never heard of that.
Girl in scrubs: You know, like x-rays…
Woman: Oh, so you like, take pictures of people's hands?
Girl in scrubs hesitant: Yeah, sure.
Woman: Where do you work?
Girl in scrubs: Long Island Jewish.
Woman: I ain't never heard of that.
Girl in scrubs: It's by the Nassau county border.
Woman: I ain't never heard of that.
Scrubs: Nassau County, Long Island?
Woman: No, I'm from Jamaica, Queens.

–Bus Stop, Forest Hills


The ICU Is Where You Go When You Get Fucked Up

Local dude: Yo, my man, whaz up wit you?
Arab counter guy: I'm fucked up…
Local dude: Why's dat?
Arab counter guy: I see you, I'm fucked up…

–Pakistani-run Bodega, 57th & 9th Ave

Overheard by: anthony recchia


…As We Learned in AP Biology.

Hood kid #1: Yo, we talkin bout Tyrell here. We ain't talking bout no debonair type nigga. We talking bout Tyrell.
Hood kid #2: I know, I know yo. He lyin nigga. Any woman who takes a shower be gettin ten times the amount of pussy Tyrell gets.

–E Train


Strangely, Not the Shittiest Quote We've Ever Gotten.

High girl #1: Why do people say “talking out of your ass?” You can't actually talk out of your ass. Like, physically.
High girl #2: Well, it's an expression. Like “talking shit.”
High girl #1: But you can't actually physically make words come out of your ass (turns to random boy). You! Can you talk out of your ass? Like make words come out of it.
Random boy, amused: No,I can't say I have.
High girl #2: But where does the expression “talking shit” come from?
Random boy: I don't know. It's like what you're saying is shit, so your talking is… poop.
High girl #2: Poop!
High girl #1: People order our patties!
High girl #2: From Stop & Shop!
High girl #1, confused: No… SpongeBob.
High girl #2: Yeah, but no… From Stop & Shop.

–Animal Collective Concert, Prospect Park


Haha! Just Kidding! The Key Is Lost!

Husky man with gray beard: Can I have the bathroom key, please?
Foreign cashier attendant: Youahaftabuz.
Husky man with gray beard: What?
Foreign cashier attendant: Youahaftabuz.
Husky man with gray beard: Are you saying I have to buy something?
(foreign cashier attendant shakes head)
Husky man with gray beard
: That's cruel! Almost inhumane! (grabs soda from cooler)


–Washington Square South


Silly Boy, We're Swedenborgians

Stoner #1, interrupting conversation between two girls: Are you guys even speaking English?
Girl #1: Um, yes we are?
Girl #2: Why?
Stoner #1: It sounded like Swedish!
Stoner #2: They're Dennmarkians, you idiot!
(girls burst into laughter)

–Central Park Swings

Overheard by: I just wanted to swing..