Archive for June, 2011

Ah, Spring in New York!

Passenger #1: Don't sit there!
Passenger #2, looking at lumpy newspaper: What, is it just urine or did somebody take a dump? –N Train

Not the Good Kind That Posts Hot Pictures on the Internet.

Ghetto girl #1: Yeah, they were together for, like, two months…
Ghetto girl #2: Wow, that's a long time…
Ghetto girl #1: Yeah, but that bitch was crazy. She was suicidal, like, you know, the bad kind of suicidal. –B46 Bus

Is This a Pick-up? Discuss.

Old man: Excuse me, but are you a star?
Young man: Nope
Old man: Oh, well, you definitely have star quality.
Young man: Thanks?
Old man: You're welcome. Do you ever get told you look like someone?
Young man: Yes, when I am clean shaven I have been told that I look like Leonardo Di Caprio.
Old man: No, that's not it, you're more like Boy George, or… Wait… Not him, he's creepy… George Michael, yeah that's it! –Rockbar

Billy Decides to Stop Sucking

Mom: Say you're sorry to Billy.
Tiny girl: But I'm not sorry!
Mom: Katy, you apologize right now!
Tiny girl: But you said lying was bad!
Mom: And hitting is bad too! Now say you're sorry!
Tiny girl: I hit him with a stick because he sucks. And he still sucks, so I'm not sorry.
Mom: You hit him with a stick? (grabs Katy and storms over to father on picnic blanket)
Tiny girl, over her mother's shoulder: I'm not sorry, Billy! –Central Park

Wes Craven: Gold!

Lady #1: You heard about Richard* the bus driver? He's dead!
Lady #2: What? (pause) Will he still be able to pick up the kids? –2nd Ave Overheard by: okeydokey

He's in the Process Of Spanking That Out Of Me

Queer #1: At first I judged him because he's bald. But then I totally fell in love with him because he's so hilarious.
Queer #2: He's old, it's not his fault he's balding.
Queer #1: I'm young, it's not my fault I'm shallow. –Abingdon Square Overheard by: Alex N

Speaking Of Making Enemies…

Older sister: There's a great Winston Churchill quote about how having enemies, and how it means you stood up for something…
Younger brother: Fuck Churchill, he's dead and he ain't never even heard a Rick Ross album. What the fuck he know bout life? –6 Train Overheard by: Kaypoleton

Don't You Pay Crate & Barrel to Screw You?

Asian mom: Shame on you! You like sex.
Teenage daughter, sarcastically: Yeah, mom… I can't get enough.
Asian mom: Do you do it for free? –Crate & Barrel, Soho Overheard by: Windowshopper

There's a Lot Of Child Trafficking in Queens

Father: Reina! (as his daughter runs further and further down the block) Reina!
Mother: Say “red light”!
Father: I don't wanna say “red light”!
Mother: Say “red light”!
Father: No!
Mother: Red light! (daughter stops) I told you to say “red light!” –Long Island City Overheard by: Fog cue