Archive for June, 2011

Speaking Of Making Enemies…

Older sister: There's a great Winston Churchill quote about how having enemies, and how it means you stood up for something…
Younger brother: Fuck Churchill, he's dead and he ain't never even heard a Rick Ross album. What the fuck he know bout life?

–6 Train

Overheard by: Kaypoleton

Don't You Pay Crate & Barrel to Screw You?

Asian mom: Shame on you! You like sex.
Teenage daughter, sarcastically: Yeah, mom… I can't get enough.
Asian mom: Do you do it for free?

–Crate & Barrel, Soho

Overheard by: Windowshopper

There's a Lot Of Child Trafficking in Queens

Father: Reina! (as his daughter runs further and further down the block) Reina!
Mother: Say “red light”!
Father: I don't wanna say “red light”!
Mother: Say “red light”!
Father: No!
Mother: Red light! (daughter stops) I told you to say “red light!”

–Long Island City

Overheard by: Fog cue

Stupidity Happens by Degrees.

Drunk girl: I smell dog shit… I smell a little bit of dog shit!
Sober friend, not listening: Oh, really? That's nice.
Drunk girl: Maybe because I'm pregnant. Hey, guys, I can smell dog shit because I'm pregnant!

–Fordham University

…You Won't Tell Her, Right?

Teenage boy #1: I don't like calling girls bitches.
Teenage boy #2: Yeah, me too. I call my girl a bitch in a good way.

–Union Square

It's Fun Making Strangers Vomit!

Woman, escaping car inhabited by reeking hobo: Don't go in there!
Man: What, you don't like a good whiff of ol' bumdick?

–Uptown 1 Train

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Wednesday One-Liners Just Found Les Girls Confusing

Crazy hobo, giving directions to tourist couple: No, this is Washington Square Park, where the lesbians have their headquarters.

–F Train

Guy with emo hair: She increases the frequency of lesbians wherever she goes.

–Midtown Theater

Overheard by: Combobreaker

Guy to friend: I always thought crystal was a lesbian cuz she always talked about sports.

–Stanton & Orchard

Suit on cell: I don't even like lesbians, until one enters my life…

–Uptown A Train

Cougar on cell: This bitch has been in drugs, cooked meth, been a lesbian, been a non-lesbian…

–23rd & Park Ave

Overheard by: snoopy

Professor: Oh yes, I love the gays. In college, I was in the LGBT club. But I am not a lesbian… yet.

–Brooklyn College

Open Mouth, Insert Wednesday One-Liner

Potential passenger: Is this bus going to stop at the next stop?

–Bx 2 Bus

Blonde standing next to mosh pit, to boyfriend: Baby, why are they doing that pushy thing?

–Smashing Pumpkins Show, Terminal 5

Overheard by: A Bobby

White girl to Asian friend: Do you speak Japanese? No? What do they speak in Taiwan?

–L Train

Park reveler to man carrying guitar bag: Is that a bagel on your back?

–Union Park

Man at The Cloisters: Is this vintage?

–The Cloisters

Overheard by: L

Isn't Guiness Food? Discuss.

Gruff old man: So let me get this straight, we're going to an Irish bar, and I'm going to have a beer, but you're just going to have coffee?
High-pitched old man: Yeah.
Gruff old man: So you're going to embarrass me? You're going to embarrass yourself?!
High pitched old man: I don't want beer.
Gruff old man: At least buy something. I mean, get some food or something, a glass of water, I mean, then you can drink your coffee.
High-pitched old man: Yeah, okay.

–N Train

Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster