Archive for June, 2011

Don't You Pay Crate & Barrel to Screw You?

Asian mom: Shame on you! You like sex.
Teenage daughter, sarcastically: Yeah, mom… I can't get enough.
Asian mom: Do you do it for free?

–Crate & Barrel, Soho

Overheard by: Windowshopper

There's a Lot Of Child Trafficking in Queens

Father: Reina! (as his daughter runs further and further down the block) Reina!
Mother: Say “red light”!
Father: I don't wanna say “red light”!
Mother: Say “red light”!
Father: No!
Mother: Red light! (daughter stops) I told you to say “red light!”

–Long Island City

Overheard by: Fog cue

Stupidity Happens by Degrees.

Drunk girl: I smell dog shit… I smell a little bit of dog shit!
Sober friend, not listening: Oh, really? That's nice.
Drunk girl: Maybe because I'm pregnant. Hey, guys, I can smell dog shit because I'm pregnant!

–Fordham University

…You Won't Tell Her, Right?

Teenage boy #1: I don't like calling girls bitches.
Teenage boy #2: Yeah, me too. I call my girl a bitch in a good way.

–Union Square

It's Fun Making Strangers Vomit!

Woman, escaping car inhabited by reeking hobo: Don't go in there!
Man: What, you don't like a good whiff of ol' bumdick?

–Uptown 1 Train

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Open Mouth, Insert Wednesday One-Liner

Potential passenger: Is this bus going to stop at the next stop?

–Bx 2 Bus

Blonde standing next to mosh pit, to boyfriend: Baby, why are they doing that pushy thing?

–Smashing Pumpkins Show, Terminal 5

Overheard by: A Bobby

White girl to Asian friend: Do you speak Japanese? No? What do they speak in Taiwan?

–L Train

Park reveler to man carrying guitar bag: Is that a bagel on your back?

–Union Park

Man at The Cloisters: Is this vintage?

–The Cloisters

Overheard by: L

Isn't Guiness Food? Discuss.

Gruff old man: So let me get this straight, we're going to an Irish bar, and I'm going to have a beer, but you're just going to have coffee?
High-pitched old man: Yeah.
Gruff old man: So you're going to embarrass me? You're going to embarrass yourself?!
High pitched old man: I don't want beer.
Gruff old man: At least buy something. I mean, get some food or something, a glass of water, I mean, then you can drink your coffee.
High-pitched old man: Yeah, okay.

–N Train

Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster