Archive for June, 2011

Stupidity Happens by Degrees.

Drunk girl: I smell dog shit… I smell a little bit of dog shit!
Sober friend, not listening: Oh, really? That's nice.
Drunk girl: Maybe because I'm pregnant. Hey, guys, I can smell dog shit because I'm pregnant! –Fordham University

…You Won't Tell Her, Right?

Teenage boy #1: I don't like calling girls bitches.
Teenage boy #2: Yeah, me too. I call my girl a bitch in a good way. –Union Square

Isn't Guiness Food? Discuss.

Gruff old man: So let me get this straight, we're going to an Irish bar, and I'm going to have a beer, but you're just going to have coffee?
High-pitched old man: Yeah.
Gruff old man: So you're going to embarrass me? You're going to embarrass yourself?!
High pitched old man: I don't want beer.
Gruff old man: At least buy something. I mean, get some food or something, a glass of water, I mean, then you can drink your coffee.
High-pitched old man: Yeah, okay. –N Train Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster

Tomorrow's Lesson: IHOP

Guy pointing at the new Yankee stadium: There it is, the house that Jeter built!
Stupid girlfriend: That's a house!? –Yankee Stadium Overheard by: JoZac21

…According to the Latest Polling Results on My Webpage.

Woman: Bitch, why you up on my bag?
Girl: I'm sorry. I didn't mean to step there.
Guy #1: It was an accident! Leave her alone!
Woman: Motherfucker! This ain't none of your damn business.
Guy #2: Maybe if your big black ass wasn't in the way…
Woman: Fuck all three of you! And yes, my black ass is big, and it's beautiful. –1 Train Overheard by: Asizzzle

It's Just As Boring, but Has No Singing

Junior #1: Are you gonna audition for Guys and Dolls?
Junior #2: Meh, that musical's not for me, I'm really not into the whole “Cuba” thing.
Junior #3: But, it's not all in Cuba…
Junior #2: It's also cause I have a really hard time throwing dice well, and I heard that's a big part of it.
Junior #1: That's why I always win at Monopoly.
Junior #3: What where we talking about?
Junior #2: Monopoly. –LaGuardia High School Overheard by: Taylor