Archive for July, 2011

You Have a Face?

Older man: Excuse me, but you are just beautiful.
Beautiful, big-buxomed woman: How would you know? You haven't seen my face yet. –Mulberry b/w Spring & Prince


Another Reason to Love New York, Dear Reader

Loud New Jersey tourist to group of loud New Jersey friends: Look, (points) it's the Cooper Union!
Loud New Jersey friends: What's that?
Loud New Jersey tourist: I dunno, but that's what it says on the door. –Cooper Union


…for Dinner.

Teenage girl #1: It's not like I'm a cougar!
Teenage girl #2: You're only fifteen–how could you be a cougar?
Teenage girl #1: I mean, I like older men. –NJ Transit Overheard by: Graceful Space


…The Last One I Paid Attention To, Then

70-something mother: He got his legs blown off and his arm cut off in the war.
30-something son: Which war?
70-something mother: The last one.
30-something son: Mom, he's in his late 60s.
70-something mother: So? –Crossbay Boulevard & 163rd St


When Wednesday Met One-Liner…

Barnard freshman: My standards for an attractive guy have lowered so much since I got here that I'll now date anyone with a penis-like protrusion. –Outside Psi U House, 114th & Broadway Coworker: Relationships are not just rainbows and unicorns and bacon and puppies and sriracha sauce, you know! –52nd & 6th Ave Overheard by: simon Girl to friend: My one and only internet date was a satanist. In the end, it wasn't so much that he was a satanist, as that he always had to be right. –Greenpoint, Brooklyn Girl in bathroom at bar: I hate being in relationships and dating guys! It's so complicated and pointless… Like when I dissected a frog in bio! Oh, wait… I don't think I've ever dissected a frog, shit! I don't know what it's like then, but it sucks! –Midtown Ivy league student: No, we have a "grinding is okay" clause in our relationship contract. –Ave A & 2nd St Girl to guy: No, you are not going to start swinging tonight. We are on a date! –Bedford & North 6th Overheard by: Amanda


Wednesdass Hole-Liners

Man, shouting across train platform to women on other side: You on the other train! You going to Woodlawn! Woodlawn's a man's asshole! –1 Train Overheard by: Going the other way Overly loud ghetto thug to 10-year-old white boy staring at him: Nigga, whatchu lookin' up my asshole fo?" –Bxm10 Express Bus Overheard by: rectur inspector Teen girl to friend: I'm not saying she's an asshole, I'm saying her brother's a jackoff. –Newkirk Ave Young woman: My son is a lot like me. My daughter is a lot like her father: an asshole. She's an asshole. Does that sound terrible, that I call my two-year-old daughter an asshole? –1 Train Overheard by: Rose Fox