Archive for July, 2011

Wednesimian One-Liners

Suit on phone: So the asshole is chewing me out and I said "Well, don't blame me! The monkey's butt was red when I got there!" Well, that shut him up, cause he knew I was talkin about him…


Overheard by: Smileythedog

Husband to wife, about towel with monkey design: That's a culturally biased rag, because it has monkeys on it.

–Target, Gateway Center

Overheard by: Scott Hutchins

Raspy hobo: Hey sweetheart, whatchya got in dat bag? A baby gorilla?

–Washington Square

Overheard by: Lisa

Excited little boy to dad: He looked like a huge gorilla with slimy skin, and he had a salamander face on his fingers!

–DeKalb Avenue, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Morning Glory

Girl: Just stop. Stop! Enough with the fucking monkeys!

–Khyber Pass Restaurant, St. Mark's Place

Wednesday One-Liners, As Seen on Lost

Drunk blonde girl on cell: I'm here! I'm here! I don't know where I am!

–St. Marks Place

Overheard by: Kristin

Guy on cell: I'm coming up Bedford, and… I don't know, on the corner of Bedford and Jews.

–Bedford & Heyward

High school boy on cell: Where am I at? I'm in morning… Uh, morning wood park.

–Morningside Park

Overheard by: wirehead

Teenage girl on cell: I don't know where I am … I'm just here!

–Sheridan Square

Wednesday's Clothes Are So Tight You Can See Her One-Liners

Very posh lady with silly hat to very posh lady with too much makeup: So they made this skirt for me, but they made it fit too perfect. I can't even walk up stairs. I feel like a geisha!

–Gramarcy Park

40-something woman to 20-something woman: Honey, if your body is a 6, but your panties are a size 12, never, ever, under any circumstances, wear a tube dress where the band is just hitting below where those horizontal stripes are, jiggling on that ass. The front looks great.

–Uptown A train

200-pound black woman to another: The only time I go commando is when it's 100 degrees out and I'm wearing a skirt.

–Grand Central

Overheard by: Brian Quinn

Ugly girl: If I wore a bathing suit to every single class I promise you I'd pass.

–Hunter College

Large mami in tight stretchy outfit: When I saw the snow this morning I said "dag! I gotta change." but Alicia needs to zip me up. I can't reach the zipper.

–Elevator, Midtown

Overheard by: CH

The Hills Are Alive with the Sounds Of Wednesday One-Liners…

Cheerful guy, singing: Oh, the shaaaaake shack is a little old place where we can… get a burger…

–Madison Square

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Stoned man with ukulele, to the tune of "Bohemian Rhapsody": Father… just killed my mom, put a gun against her head, pulled my trigger now she's dead…

–72nd St & CPW

Overheard by: stepping away from the platform edge

Little boy, singing out Jewish day school bus window: Oy-oy-oy-oy-oy-yoi-yoi! Oy-oy-oy-oy-yoi!

–76th St & West End Avenue

Overheard by: Suze V

Guy to friend, about Alicia Keys/Jay-Z song: That's not how that song goes! She doesn't sing: "concrete jungle with green tomatoes"!

–Grand Central Station

Overheard by: M.

Man walking down street, singing loudly: She's a maniac, maniac, my love. And she's dancing like she did when she was four.

–East Harlem

Overheard by: Sisk of China

You Have a Face?

Older man: Excuse me, but you are just beautiful.
Beautiful, big-buxomed woman: How would you know? You haven't seen my face yet.

–Mulberry b/w Spring & Prince