Archive for July, 2011

You Have a Face?

Older man: Excuse me, but you are just beautiful.
Beautiful, big-buxomed woman: How would you know? You haven't seen my face yet. –Mulberry b/w Spring & Prince

Another Reason to Love New York, Dear Reader

Loud New Jersey tourist to group of loud New Jersey friends: Look, (points) it's the Cooper Union!
Loud New Jersey friends: What's that?
Loud New Jersey tourist: I dunno, but that's what it says on the door. –Cooper Union

…for Dinner.

Teenage girl #1: It's not like I'm a cougar!
Teenage girl #2: You're only fifteen–how could you be a cougar?
Teenage girl #1: I mean, I like older men. –NJ Transit Overheard by: Graceful Space

…The Last One I Paid Attention To, Then

70-something mother: He got his legs blown off and his arm cut off in the war.
30-something son: Which war?
70-something mother: The last one.
30-something son: Mom, he's in his late 60s.
70-something mother: So? –Crossbay Boulevard & 163rd St

Walt Whitman's Leaves Of Wednesday One-Liners

Man to woman: I's seen Kansas, man. All it is all sunflowers and sons of bitches. –Near Delancey & Essex Park employee, shouting to crowd: The bathrooms are closing in 30 minutes! If you gotta go, go now! (pause) The trees? They stay open all night! –Washington Square Park Overheard by: Anne McDermott Drunk guy: I feel like a million miles of dead roses. –1 Train Father to three-year-old son, looking at flowers: Look at all the heroin poppies, Sammy! –Verdi Square Mom to baby eating grass: No, sweetie, we don't eat grass. We smoke it. –Madison Square Park Overheard by: Natalya & Mickey

When Wednesday Met One-Liner…

Barnard freshman: My standards for an attractive guy have lowered so much since I got here that I'll now date anyone with a penis-like protrusion. –Outside Psi U House, 114th & Broadway Coworker: Relationships are not just rainbows and unicorns and bacon and puppies and sriracha sauce, you know! –52nd & 6th Ave Overheard by: simon Girl to friend: My one and only internet date was a satanist. In the end, it wasn't so much that he was a satanist, as that he always had to be right. –Greenpoint, Brooklyn Girl in bathroom at bar: I hate being in relationships and dating guys! It's so complicated and pointless… Like when I dissected a frog in bio! Oh, wait… I don't think I've ever dissected a frog, shit! I don't know what it's like then, but it sucks! –Midtown Ivy league student: No, we have a "grinding is okay" clause in our relationship contract. –Ave A & 2nd St Girl to guy: No, you are not going to start swinging tonight. We are on a date! –Bedford & North 6th Overheard by: Amanda