Archive for July, 2011

It Wasn't All That Great, Dear Reader

Hippie dude #1: Did you hear? This is the summer of sex!
Hippie dude #2: Says who?
Hippie dude #1: Says The Village Voice!
Hippie dude #2: What's The Village Voice?
Hippie dude #1: It's a newspaper.
Hippie dude #2: Oh, that's so great! –68th & Lexington

New Wednesday One-Liners (Now With Myanmar!)

Loud male passenger: This is the bus where I met the Greek! –M4 Bus Teenage boy: Why are Europeans always taking pictures of squirrels? Do they not have squirrels in Europe? –Washington Square Park Overheard by: eric Midwestern woman to young daughter, watching loud Hispanic girls: You see? People from all kinds of places live in New York. It really is an international mecca. Do you know what "international" means? Not from here. And "international mecca" means "anything goes". –N Train Mother to 10-year old son: No, you're not. You're Greek! You know you're Greek, right?! You should know! –Union Square Overheard by: Katherine Crazy hobo to group of British students: The British invasion was 47 years ago! –Brooklyn

“Will Wednesday One-Liner for Food”

Hobo to arguing couple walking past: Get over it, man! Tell her you love her. Sometime you gotta kiss some ass, you know. –8th Ave & 58th St Overheard by: Lindsey Bag lady with "the aid kills" sign, yelling: Help the homeless, help the homeless! No cure for the aid. No cure for pussy! –Bryant Park Hobo to little girl holding candy cigarette: Yooo! Is that a blunt? Gimme some, young lady. –Herald Square Overheard by: Alisa Bitter beggar to passersby: Can you help me out? Assssssholes! Can you help me out, can you help me out? Assssssholes! –41st & Madison Overheard by: voidoid Hobo to another who just folded and threw away cardboard box: That's one of them disposable beds isn't it? –2nd Ave & 9th St

100% Kosher Wednesday One-Liners

Jewish girl: I'm not a good Jew. I'm like Spock. –35th & 6th Overheard by: superjew Large, loud, middle-aged woman to girlfriends: And the worst part is they found a Jewish guy to play me in the movie! –Tompkins Square Park Overheard by: bumblebree 20-something gentile: So what they're saying is, "if you're already Jewish, we can make you more Jewish." –Union Square Overheard by: Not Jewish Boyfriend to girlfriend: Babe, when you grow up in a tight knit Jewish community, you don't notice noses. –Angelina Cafe, Ave A & 3rd St

As Your Lawyers, We Advise You to Read These Wednesday One-Liners.

Bearded guy on cell, describing himself: Yeah… Scruffy. Like, if I lived in LA, I'd be a hipster, but because I live in New York, I'm just a sell-out lawyer. –Columbia University Overheard by: judydarkness Judge: You are charged with unsafe driving, by pleading guilty you forfeit your right to a trial. Do you understand the charges brought against you? Of course you don't, because you don't speak English. (pause) Where's my damn interpreter? –Courthouse Overheard by: Taylor Black man on cell: It's all because my lawyer is my brotha… We fuckin' break bread together! –Elizabeth Street Center Old woman holding broom: So that lawyer took the money? Goodbye! I'm going to kill her now! –Astoria Overheard by: Natalie

…The “…She Has Scabies” Was Uncalled For, Though.

20-something girl on Saturday night: And when I woke up, they were all gone and I had a note pinned to my dress that said “please do not fuck this girl.” Wasn't that really nice that someone did that? I didn't recognize the handwriting.
20-something friend: Yeah, that was *really* nice. –3rd Ave & 10th St Overheard by: Blaiser

Grandma Was Quite the Charmer

Man: A good chunk is Celtic, there's Scottish, German in there. Germans are tall, I'm tall. I got everything from my grandfather except for his wanker.
Friend: You saw it?
Man: As a boy, yeah. I saw him naked. I didn't know what it was. I'm like, 'mommy, grandpa's got a snake in his pants.' –Chinatown Overheard by: Kay

Your Average Commute?

Hobo: Can anyone please help with a dime, a nickel, a… ahhhhchoooo! (sneezes right on lady)
Lady: What the fuck?! Cover your fucking mouth, you asshole!
Hobo: Lady, you are lucky I didn't shit on you!
(everyone starts to laugh)
Lady: Fuck all of you, too! Go to hell! (goes to the next car)
Random guy: Wow! What the fuck was that? –Downtown A Train