Archive for August, 2011

Inoperable One-Liners Of the Wednesday

Hobo: 72 pulses in your body, and I'll hit every one of them with my arrow.

–Court St, Brooklyn

Girl, flirtatiously to boyfriend: Your wrists are so tiny!

–Broadway & 14th

Overheard by: Sep10ber

20-something woman on phone: Oh, god! My ovaries are killing me!

–4 Train

Woman on cell: You gotsta yell, this ear is bad. (now yelling) Yell! This ear is bad! (a minute later) Shut up! Don't talk to me like that… Quit yellin! I couldn't hear you!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: rick

Some Clothes-Minded Wednesday One-Liners

Skinny white girl: Yeah, well, you know me. If I dress too chic, I look like a dv victim.

–Cooper square

Overheard by: Lynne

Guy to friend: You got any jumpsuits on ya?

–27th & Broadway

Overheard by: Kelly

Girl in black jeans: No one here is wearing jeans. Jeans are so spring 2012.

–W 24th, Hasted Hunt Kraeutler Gallery

Large, stylish black man on cell: Uh, huh, uh, huh… Well, just throw on some skinny jeans and get all up in that muthafucka.

–Banana Republic

Overheard by: Gretchen

Woman on cell: Look, I've already bought the socks. There's no going back.

–103rd & Broadway

Wednesday One-Third-of-the-Trinity Liners

Mother to toddler: So you wanna play with Jesus, huh? (pause, then sigh) Well, I don't think Jesus is around today… Not in the East Village, anyway.

–6th St & 1st Ave

Overheard by: Pedro

Drunken 40-something: It's cool because Jesus said it. Fuck them all!

–65th & 1st

12-year-old boy in Catholic school uniform on cell: I'm only going if Jesus Christ is going, and I don't think Jesus Christ is over on Flatbush.

–5th Ave, Park Slope

Walking guy: Can we at least agree that Jesus would have a hard time getting on a plane today?

–Prospect Park, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Ladle

Five-year-old: No one cares about Jesus!

–Museum of Modern Art

Wednesday One-Liners Study Languish Arts

Tall female law school know-it-all: You'll do fine on his exam as long as you memorize the notes he gives in class –I mean, like, word for word– and then just reverberate it all!

–Uptown 1 Train

Overheard by: Suze Volchok

Irate conductor to chatty foursome: Next trip you should not ride in the quiet car; I explained to you before that there's no conversating.

–Amtrak Train

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Woman to friend: My laugh is going straight to my abdominable area, it's hilarious!

–16th & 8th, Chelsea

Overheard by: Katherine Wallace

Girl in mid teens looking at sign that reads "Chilean flamingos": Mami, they're Chilalean fingos!

–Bronx Zoo

Overheard by: Kaitlen

Woman on cell: Oh, was he spayded? Did he get spayded? (pause) He was a she?

–42nd & Woodland

Overheard by: Jo USP

Girl on phone: Listen, it's just a pigment of your imagination… of course he's a man.

–110th & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Oona

iWednesday One-Liners

Middle aged DVD audio enthusiast to uninterested first date: Light up buttons, voice commands, gizmos like that… kinda get me off!


Young 20-something male to friend: Thus, rendering computers obsolete.

–Greenwich & Harrison

Overheard by: hngryDavy

Guy on cell: Well, the thing about computers, right, is you could see a computer becoming conscious…

–70th & Broadway

Young suit on phone: I know those were heady times, it was a pre-iPhone world.

–Rivington & Allen

Overheard by: tenneseejed

Lady to guy friends: Technology is awesome! Let's do this! Let's do this!

–64th & Central Park West

Overheard by: PhDre

And God Gave the Man Dominion Over All the Wednesday One-Liners

Skinny hipster: Well, I only say "amateur taxidermist" because he only takes the animal apart and freezes it, but he doesn't actually stuff it.


Overheard by: curious

Man to girlfriend, watching penguins frolic in water: Wow, it's almost as if they're birds that can swim.

–Central Park Zoo, Penguin House

20-something to kid: I think sauntering is something horses do, and moseying is something that… walruses do.

–D Train

Hipster guy to friend: Now I'm the two turtles fucking guy!

–Theatre District

Wednesday One-Liners Get Into Some Tough Scrapes

Young woman on cell: Hey, I gotta go have an abortion… can I call you back in, like, 45 minutes?

–Houston & Lafayette

Overheard by: Miguel

Guy on cell: Yeah, I got laid off last week and now my girlfriend won't get an abortion. (pause) She wants to have the fucking kid. (pause) I have no idea what she is thinking, but I really don't want to be a part of it.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Josh

Old white man, trying to walk through overcrowded station: This is why we need more abortions!

–Hunter College

Store manager on speaker: To the parents of Tim*, your son is next door in Mike's Diner. Your three year old. (slams down microphone) This is why there should be abortions!

–Astoria Key Food

Overheard by: Anna

Little girl to her aunt: Mommy didn't take this long the last two times we were here.

–Planned Parenthood Clinic

Overheard by: Holly Golightly

“Nobody Puts Baby in the Wednesday One-Liner!”

Hoochie to another: If Jenel's gonna be fucking him she better be helping pay for my baby.

–7th Ave

Woman to man: I want you to stop calling me "babe," baby…

–Hancock & Malcolm X Boulevard

Overheard by: Sara Jane

Black guy on cell phone: What? You mean that girl from the other night? No no no! It wasn't all baby got back! It was all baby got flat!

–Staten Island

30-something woman on cell: He has babies with two different women! He must've had sex with them, at the same time! Their birthdays are at the same time; same year, three days apart. You can pull babies out his ass!

–Bed-Stuy, Brooklyn

Overheard by: K.C.

30-something woman to husband: Okay, let's go. I lost a baby, and I need money.

–Brooklyn Flea, Fort Greene

…How Cute Am I Now, Bitch?

Gangster chess player: You're cute, but let's see how smart you are.
30-something career woman: I'd play you, but I'm on a lunch break from my job. Checkmate.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Bardiva