Archive for August, 2011

Inoperable One-Liners Of the Wednesday

Hobo: 72 pulses in your body, and I'll hit every one of them with my arrow. –Court St, Brooklyn Girl, flirtatiously to boyfriend: Your wrists are so tiny! –Broadway & 14th Overheard by: Sep10ber 20-something woman on phone: Oh, god! My ovaries are killing me! –4 Train Woman on cell: You gotsta yell, this ear is bad. (now yelling) Yell! This ear is bad! (a minute later) Shut up! Don't talk to me like that… Quit yellin! I couldn't hear you! –Penn Station Overheard by: rick

Some Clothes-Minded Wednesday One-Liners

Skinny white girl: Yeah, well, you know me. If I dress too chic, I look like a dv victim. –Cooper square Overheard by: Lynne Guy to friend: You got any jumpsuits on ya? –27th & Broadway Overheard by: Kelly Girl in black jeans: No one here is wearing jeans. Jeans are so spring 2012. –W 24th, Hasted Hunt Kraeutler Gallery Large, stylish black man on cell: Uh, huh, uh, huh… Well, just throw on some skinny jeans and get all up in that muthafucka. –Banana Republic Overheard by: Gretchen Woman on cell: Look, I've already bought the socks. There's no going back. –103rd & Broadway

Wednesday One-Third-of-the-Trinity Liners

Mother to toddler: So you wanna play with Jesus, huh? (pause, then sigh) Well, I don't think Jesus is around today… Not in the East Village, anyway. –6th St & 1st Ave Overheard by: Pedro Drunken 40-something: It's cool because Jesus said it. Fuck them all! –65th & 1st 12-year-old boy in Catholic school uniform on cell: I'm only going if Jesus Christ is going, and I don't think Jesus Christ is over on Flatbush. –5th Ave, Park Slope Walking guy: Can we at least agree that Jesus would have a hard time getting on a plane today? –Prospect Park, Brooklyn Overheard by: Ladle Five-year-old: No one cares about Jesus! –Museum of Modern Art

iWednesday One-Liners

Middle aged DVD audio enthusiast to uninterested first date: Light up buttons, voice commands, gizmos like that… kinda get me off! –LIRR Young 20-something male to friend: Thus, rendering computers obsolete. –Greenwich & Harrison Overheard by: hngryDavy Guy on cell: Well, the thing about computers, right, is you could see a computer becoming conscious… –70th & Broadway Young suit on phone: I know those were heady times, it was a pre-iPhone world. –Rivington & Allen Overheard by: tenneseejed Lady to guy friends: Technology is awesome! Let's do this! Let's do this! –64th & Central Park West Overheard by: PhDre

And God Gave the Man Dominion Over All the Wednesday One-Liners

Skinny hipster: Well, I only say "amateur taxidermist" because he only takes the animal apart and freezes it, but he doesn't actually stuff it. –Brooklyn Overheard by: curious Man to girlfriend, watching penguins frolic in water: Wow, it's almost as if they're birds that can swim. –Central Park Zoo, Penguin House 20-something to kid: I think sauntering is something horses do, and moseying is something that… walruses do. –D Train Hipster guy to friend: Now I'm the two turtles fucking guy! –Theatre District

Wednesday One-Liners Get Into Some Tough Scrapes

Young woman on cell: Hey, I gotta go have an abortion… can I call you back in, like, 45 minutes? –Houston & Lafayette Overheard by: Miguel Guy on cell: Yeah, I got laid off last week and now my girlfriend won't get an abortion. (pause) She wants to have the fucking kid. (pause) I have no idea what she is thinking, but I really don't want to be a part of it. –Penn Station Overheard by: Josh Old white man, trying to walk through overcrowded station: This is why we need more abortions! –Hunter College Store manager on speaker: To the parents of Tim*, your son is next door in Mike's Diner. Your three year old. (slams down microphone) This is why there should be abortions! –Astoria Key Food Overheard by: Anna Little girl to her aunt: Mommy didn't take this long the last two times we were here. –Planned Parenthood Clinic Overheard by: Holly Golightly

…How Cute Am I Now, Bitch?

Gangster chess player: You're cute, but let's see how smart you are.
30-something career woman: I'd play you, but I'm on a lunch break from my job. Checkmate. –Union Square Overheard by: Bardiva

Which Makes It Easy to Avoid

Woman: This is gonna take forever, isn't it? And the service is from four to six.
Man: Four to six? It's already 5:34.
Woman: Yeah, but you know black folk always late. The only black folk that's on time is Tyler Perry. That show start at eight. Eight o'clock comes around, that show is starting. –Bx12 Bus

That's a McDonald's Menu, Dude.

Man #1: Greek mythology is old as shit, man!
Man #2: Yeah, I know. It's like the first documents and shit. –Grand & Clinton