Hobo: 72 pulses in your body, and I'll hit every one of them with my arrow.
–Court St, Brooklyn
Girl, flirtatiously to boyfriend: Your wrists are so tiny!
–Broadway & 14th
Overheard by: Sep10ber
20-something woman on phone: Oh, god! My ovaries are killing me!
–4 Train
Woman on cell: You gotsta yell, this ear is bad. (now yelling) Yell! This ear is bad! (a minute later) Shut up! Don't talk to me like that… Quit yellin! I couldn't hear you!
–Penn Station
Overheard by: rick
Archive for August, 2011
Some Clothes-Minded Wednesday One-Liners
Skinny white girl: Yeah, well, you know me. If I dress too chic, I look like a dv victim.
–Cooper square
Overheard by: Lynne
Guy to friend: You got any jumpsuits on ya?
–27th & Broadway
Overheard by: Kelly
Girl in black jeans: No one here is wearing jeans. Jeans are so spring 2012.
–W 24th, Hasted Hunt Kraeutler Gallery
Large, stylish black man on cell: Uh, huh, uh, huh… Well, just throw on some skinny jeans and get all up in that muthafucka.
–Banana Republic
Overheard by: Gretchen
Woman on cell: Look, I've already bought the socks. There's no going back.
–103rd & Broadway
Wednesday One-Third-of-the-Trinity Liners
Mother to toddler: So you wanna play with Jesus, huh? (pause, then sigh) Well, I don't think Jesus is around today… Not in the East Village, anyway.
–6th St & 1st Ave
Overheard by: Pedro
Drunken 40-something: It's cool because Jesus said it. Fuck them all!
–65th & 1st
12-year-old boy in Catholic school uniform on cell: I'm only going if Jesus Christ is going, and I don't think Jesus Christ is over on Flatbush.
–5th Ave, Park Slope
Walking guy: Can we at least agree that Jesus would have a hard time getting on a plane today?
–Prospect Park, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Ladle
Five-year-old: No one cares about Jesus!
–Museum of Modern Art
Wednesday One-Liners Study Languish Arts
Tall female law school know-it-all: You'll do fine on his exam as long as you memorize the notes he gives in class –I mean, like, word for word– and then just reverberate it all!
–Uptown 1 Train
Overheard by: Suze Volchok
Irate conductor to chatty foursome: Next trip you should not ride in the quiet car; I explained to you before that there's no conversating.
–Amtrak Train
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Woman to friend: My laugh is going straight to my abdominable area, it's hilarious!
–16th & 8th, Chelsea
Overheard by: Katherine Wallace
Girl in mid teens looking at sign that reads "Chilean flamingos": Mami, they're Chilalean fingos!
–Bronx Zoo
Overheard by: Kaitlen
Woman on cell: Oh, was he spayded? Did he get spayded? (pause) He was a she?
–42nd & Woodland
Overheard by: Jo USP
Girl on phone: Listen, it's just a pigment of your imagination… of course he's a man.
–110th & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Oona
iWednesday One-Liners
Middle aged DVD audio enthusiast to uninterested first date: Light up buttons, voice commands, gizmos like that… kinda get me off!
–LIRR
Young 20-something male to friend: Thus, rendering computers obsolete.
–Greenwich & Harrison
Overheard by: hngryDavy
Guy on cell: Well, the thing about computers, right, is you could see a computer becoming conscious…
–70th & Broadway
Young suit on phone: I know those were heady times, it was a pre-iPhone world.
–Rivington & Allen
Overheard by: tenneseejed
Lady to guy friends: Technology is awesome! Let's do this! Let's do this!
–64th & Central Park West
Overheard by: PhDre
And God Gave the Man Dominion Over All the Wednesday One-Liners
Skinny hipster: Well, I only say "amateur taxidermist" because he only takes the animal apart and freezes it, but he doesn't actually stuff it.
–Brooklyn
Overheard by: curious
Man to girlfriend, watching penguins frolic in water: Wow, it's almost as if they're birds that can swim.
–Central Park Zoo, Penguin House
20-something to kid: I think sauntering is something horses do, and moseying is something that… walruses do.
–D Train
Hipster guy to friend: Now I'm the two turtles fucking guy!
–Theatre District
Wednesday One-Liners Get Into Some Tough Scrapes
Young woman on cell: Hey, I gotta go have an abortion… can I call you back in, like, 45 minutes?
–Houston & Lafayette
Overheard by: Miguel
Guy on cell: Yeah, I got laid off last week and now my girlfriend won't get an abortion. (pause) She wants to have the fucking kid. (pause) I have no idea what she is thinking, but I really don't want to be a part of it.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Josh
Old white man, trying to walk through overcrowded station: This is why we need more abortions!
–Hunter College
Store manager on speaker: To the parents of Tim*, your son is next door in Mike's Diner. Your three year old. (slams down microphone) This is why there should be abortions!
–Astoria Key Food
Overheard by: Anna
Little girl to her aunt: Mommy didn't take this long the last two times we were here.
–Planned Parenthood Clinic
Overheard by: Holly Golightly
“Nobody Puts Baby in the Wednesday One-Liner!”
Hoochie to another: If Jenel's gonna be fucking him she better be helping pay for my baby.
–7th Ave
Woman to man: I want you to stop calling me "babe," baby…
–Hancock & Malcolm X Boulevard
Overheard by: Sara Jane
Black guy on cell phone: What? You mean that girl from the other night? No no no! It wasn't all baby got back! It was all baby got flat!
–Staten Island
30-something woman on cell: He has babies with two different women! He must've had sex with them, at the same time! Their birthdays are at the same time; same year, three days apart. You can pull babies out his ass!
–Bed-Stuy, Brooklyn
Overheard by: K.C.
30-something woman to husband: Okay, let's go. I lost a baby, and I need money.
–Brooklyn Flea, Fort Greene
Who Wins This Round? Show Your Work.
Daughter: Look, mom. (shows empty Starbucks cup)
Mom: Hah! I finished firster!
–Lexington & 45th
…How Cute Am I Now, Bitch?
Gangster chess player: You're cute, but let's see how smart you are.
30-something career woman: I'd play you, but I'm on a lunch break from my job. Checkmate.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Bardiva