Archive for August, 2011

Which Makes It Easy to Avoid

Woman: This is gonna take forever, isn't it? And the service is from four to six.
Man: Four to six? It's already 5:34.
Woman: Yeah, but you know black folk always late. The only black folk that's on time is Tyler Perry. That show start at eight. Eight o'clock comes around, that show is starting.

–Bx12 Bus

Is That a Euphemism?

Mother: Didn't you see that sign outside where they were selling nuts?
Four-year-old twin #1: I'm nuts for nuts!
Four-year-old twin #2: I'm pistachios for pistachios!

–Uptown 1 Train

Overheard by: Adam

That's a McDonald's Menu, Dude.

Man #1: Greek mythology is old as shit, man!
Man #2: Yeah, I know. It's like the first documents and shit.

–Grand & Clinton

…And It's Too Late

Girl in intellectual group: My sister says there are more Indians in New York than in India.
(twenty minutes later) I think a lot of people don't realize New York is a city until they live here.

–Om Indian Restaurant

Overheard by: rastapasta

Yes, but Prematurely

Subway sandwich maker: What size? 6″ or foot-long?
Older suit: How big is 6″, lemme see?
Subway sandwich maker, deadpan: It's 6″ inches long, sir. (holds up bread)
Older suit: That's what I want, not too big. Does that come with lettuce?

–33rd & 10th

Overheard by: since when does it not come with lettuce?!

An Asian Rapper?

50-something woman: Mmmmm! Kimcheee!
20-something boyfriend: Huh? What's that?

–114th St & Broadway

Haha, It's Funny Because She's an Abuser!

Mother: What did I tell you about touching your face after you touched the train? Stop touching your face!
Three-year-old: No!
Mother: Stop it! (slaps child's hand away) Stop it right now!
Three-year-old: No! You're a bad mommy!
Mother: Oh, you just wait until we get home. Then you'll see who's a bad mommy…

–1 Train

Overheard by: A. E. Stover

Or at Least Pretend to

Eight-year-old boy, showing his dad game he is playing: Daddy, daddy, she won't come!
Dad: Keep going, she will come eventually.

–F Train

Overheard by: brooklyn muslim girl

Mommy's Happy Time

Little boy, pointing to tampons and pads: Mommy, what are those things?
Mother: Those are for when mommy isn't having a baby and she's bleeding.

–Duane Reade

Overheard by: Probably Hitting On You