Archive for August, 2011

Which Makes It Easy to Avoid

Woman: This is gonna take forever, isn't it? And the service is from four to six.
Man: Four to six? It's already 5:34.
Woman: Yeah, but you know black folk always late. The only black folk that's on time is Tyler Perry. That show start at eight. Eight o'clock comes around, that show is starting.

–Bx12 Bus

That's a McDonald's Menu, Dude.

Man #1: Greek mythology is old as shit, man!
Man #2: Yeah, I know. It's like the first documents and shit.

–Grand & Clinton

Yes, but Prematurely

Subway sandwich maker: What size? 6″ or foot-long?
Older suit: How big is 6″, lemme see?
Subway sandwich maker, deadpan: It's 6″ inches long, sir. (holds up bread)
Older suit: That's what I want, not too big. Does that come with lettuce?

–33rd & 10th

Overheard by: since when does it not come with lettuce?!

An Asian Rapper?

50-something woman: Mmmmm! Kimcheee!
20-something boyfriend: Huh? What's that?

–114th St & Broadway

Or at Least Pretend to

Eight-year-old boy, showing his dad game he is playing: Daddy, daddy, she won't come!
Dad: Keep going, she will come eventually.

–F Train

Overheard by: brooklyn muslim girl

Mommy's Happy Time

Little boy, pointing to tampons and pads: Mommy, what are those things?
Mother: Those are for when mommy isn't having a baby and she's bleeding.

–Duane Reade

Overheard by: Probably Hitting On You

Mom and Dad Won't Let Him Watch Swamp People

Wide-eyed kid, looking at caiman (small crocodile): It's a shark!
Tall kid, in awed voice: I's not a shark, it's a dinosaur!

–New York Aquarium

Overheard by: Woman who thought it was the best conversation ever

Life's a Lot Easier When You Assume Positive Intent

Young Asian guy: Are those new shoes?
Older Asian guy: Yeah, I got them at the Nike outlet store. $39.00.
Young Asian guy, impressed: Not bad for $40.00.
Older Asian guy: No, they were $39.00.
Young Asian chick: You mean $39.99?
Older Asian guy: Yeah, $39.99.
Young Asian guy, sarcastic: Well, they *look* like $40.00 shoes.
Older Asian guy, not getting the joke: Thank you!

–Uptown Q Train

Overheard by: Hopita

Wow, I'm Even Smarter Than I Thought

Little kid: Mom, what language they speak in England?
Mother: English.
Little kid: How do you say “hi” in English?
Mother: “Hi”, you are speaking English.

–85th St & Amsterdam Ave