Archive for August, 2011

Yes, but Prematurely

Subway sandwich maker: What size? 6″ or foot-long?
Older suit: How big is 6″, lemme see?
Subway sandwich maker, deadpan: It's 6″ inches long, sir. (holds up bread)
Older suit: That's what I want, not too big. Does that come with lettuce? –33rd & 10th Overheard by: since when does it not come with lettuce?!

An Asian Rapper?

50-something woman: Mmmmm! Kimcheee!
20-something boyfriend: Huh? What's that? –114th St & Broadway

Mommy's Happy Time

Little boy, pointing to tampons and pads: Mommy, what are those things?
Mother: Those are for when mommy isn't having a baby and she's bleeding. –Duane Reade Overheard by: Probably Hitting On You

Mom and Dad Won't Let Him Watch Swamp People

Wide-eyed kid, looking at caiman (small crocodile): It's a shark!
Tall kid, in awed voice: I's not a shark, it's a dinosaur! –New York Aquarium Overheard by: Woman who thought it was the best conversation ever

Life's a Lot Easier When You Assume Positive Intent

Young Asian guy: Are those new shoes?
Older Asian guy: Yeah, I got them at the Nike outlet store. $39.00.
Young Asian guy, impressed: Not bad for $40.00.
Older Asian guy: No, they were $39.00.
Young Asian chick: You mean $39.99?
Older Asian guy: Yeah, $39.99.
Young Asian guy, sarcastic: Well, they *look* like $40.00 shoes.
Older Asian guy, not getting the joke: Thank you! –Uptown Q Train Overheard by: Hopita

Wow, I'm Even Smarter Than I Thought

Little kid: Mom, what language they speak in England?
Mother: English.
Little kid: How do you say “hi” in English?
Mother: “Hi”, you are speaking English. –85th St & Amsterdam Ave

No Need to Get Snippy.

Muslim customer: You know you will convert, all that matters is that you do it before you die.
Jewish barber: Hey, about how you becoming Jewish… Yeah, I didn't think so. –Whitney Ave & Broadway Barber Shop Overheard by: DemocraticGrup

That's Not What “Baby Steps” Means!

Woman #1: Why did you tell them people I walked all over the baby?
Woman #2: You did walk all over the baby! I didn't tell them people anything that wasn't true!
Woman #1: I didn't walk all over the baby, I stepped on the baby. –PATH

Wednesday One-Liners (Sing Along If You Know the Words)

20-something hipster girl: They're making a mix tape, and to be honest I'm a little jealous I'm not a part of it. –Union Square Overheard by: ttench Very pretty and petite, professionally-dressed coworker: The cover band didn't perform Incubus very well, which was highly disappointing. –W 38th St Dad to eight-year-old: UC Santa Cruz, Sophie, I think is where the Grateful Dead archives are kept. –Sterling Place, Park Slope Overheard by: Chloe Clueless yuppie-cholo singing Let It Be): I could have been the fifth Beatle. If I was 30 years older. And dead. Like John. –N Train Overheard by: erkal Teenage girl: Why does Santa Claus remind me of John Denver? –L Train Chick, reading laptop: Oh man! Ke$ha and I have even more in common than I thought: "Right before I go onstage, I lather my body in baby oil and cover my entire body with a shield of glitter. Because it just pops!" –Mercer & 4th Overheard by: Hunter Freyer