Archive for September, 2011

Wednesday Womb-Liners

Middle-aged woman: I've had three pregnancies so far this year!

–Union Square

Classy gal to friend: I said, "listen bitch, I would beat you up, but you're fucking pregnant!"

–Forest Hills

Overheard by: astoria mets fan

Ghetto girl to another: I don't know how it happened! He pulls out all the time!

–Uptown 1 Train

Overheard by: Chris Harmison

Overweight girl: I wish I was pregnant again. They treat you special when you're pregnant.

–W 39th St

Macy's Got TARP Money?

Shoe store clerk to old man: Can I get you anything?
Old man: A million bucks!

–Macy's Herald Square

Overheard by: Sarah Chalek

You're Not Fooling Anybody– They're Just Afraid Of You

Big biker dude: I figured out how to get through all the people at intersections.
Biker friend: How's that?
Big biker dude: I just bitch real loud about tourists, and everyone thinks I'm a cranky New Yorker and moves out of the way and lets me through.
Biker friend: Dude, you're fresh off the boat from Idaho.
Big biker dude: I know! They don't, and New Yorkers smile at me. People are idiots.

–Times Square

Overheard by: Gazoo

Apparently She Found Someone Else to Toast Her Bagel.

Dunkin' donuts worker #1: I heard that Katie, who comes here every morning, is moving to Jersey.
Dunkin' donuts worker #2: What Katie?
Dunkin' donuts worker #1: The good-looking blonde, blue eyes, wears jeans most of the time, has twin boys.
Dunkin' donuts worker #2: I have no clue who you mean.
Dunkin' donuts worker #3: Whole-wheat bagel, toasted, with cream cheese. Medium coffee, extra cream, no sugar.
Dunkin' donuts worker #2: Oh! That's Katie! Wait, she is moving to Jersey?

–Dunkin' Donuts

Overheard by: JDK

During or After?

Guy #1: I just ran a 5k…
Guy #2, to girl: How many guys have you blown that have ran a marathon?

–51st & 2nd

Overheard by: Aaron