Archive for September, 2011

Apparently She Found Someone Else to Toast Her Bagel.

Dunkin' donuts worker #1: I heard that Katie, who comes here every morning, is moving to Jersey.
Dunkin' donuts worker #2: What Katie?
Dunkin' donuts worker #1: The good-looking blonde, blue eyes, wears jeans most of the time, has twin boys.
Dunkin' donuts worker #2: I have no clue who you mean.
Dunkin' donuts worker #3: Whole-wheat bagel, toasted, with cream cheese. Medium coffee, extra cream, no sugar.
Dunkin' donuts worker #2: Oh! That's Katie! Wait, she is moving to Jersey?

–Dunkin' Donuts

Overheard by: JDK


During or After?

Guy #1: I just ran a 5k…
Guy #2, to girl: How many guys have you blown that have ran a marathon?

–51st & 2nd

Overheard by: Aaron


…Stop Guilting Me!

Bag lady, yelling: Get up off me, yo, I ain't got nothin'!
Hobo, calmly: It ain't about you got, man. It's about what I got.
Bag lady: Why do I got to split half with you, yo? You don't give me nothin'!
Hobo: Man, why you keep goin on about that?
Bag lady: Yo you don't give me nothin'. You don't even take me to the clinic. I got mad skin conditions! I don't even know how you fuck me, yo!
Hobo: Shit, man…

–A Train

Overheard by: Juan Chung


Speaking Of Funny, Did I Mention That My Period's Late?

Hip girl sitting on bench: Look at that sign he has! (points at a man carrying a “$1 for a joke” sign) I wonder if he has good jokes?
Hip boyfriend: What if he just said “Joke's on you for giving me a dollar”? That'd be so funny!

–Central Park


She's Inspired Me to Go Back to Bed

Woman to man, watching woman pace up and down, clapping hands in front of Baptist church: What does she think she's doing? Man, that lady's got issues.
Man: And so early in the morning, too!

–188th St & Fordham Rd

Overheard by: Eternal Student


Gorilla: Fucking Bronx

Little boy: Hey, gorilla! I have two words for you–soap.
Dad: That's one word.

–Bronx Zoo

Overheard by: Melissa


WorkingGirlsday One-Liners

Caribbean nanny to three-year-old girl sitting with legs crossed: Close your legs! You look like a prostitute.

–St. Nicholas Park

Overheard by: othernanny

20-something girl on cell: Just because she graduated college doesn't mean she's not a prostitute.

–14th St & 8th Ave

English teacher: Welcome to BHSEC. We're all prostitutes.

–Bard High School Early College, Queens

20-something girl to group of friends: Basically, I was a hooker.

–PATH Train

Overheard by: Mschuw


Wednesday One-Lions and Tigers and Bears– Oh My!

Giant guy on cell: Yeah, so then I had to undress in front of the biggest goddamn spider in the world. I swear it was judging my dick. (pause) You think my wife'll be pissed?

–Outside Central Park Precinct

Man on cell: Have the camels gone under the mountain?

–45th & 6th

Chatty woman tourist: Well, we see ants all the time… at our hotel!

–Ant Exhibit, Rain Forest, Central Park Zoo

Overheard by: Susan Volchok

Woman, about going to Africa: We'll take the dogs with us and feed them to the lions.

–1250 Broadway

High school girl: I used to think Easter was because a bunny ate a rabbit.

–Seasonal Aisle, Rite Aid