Archive for September, 2011

You're Not Fooling Anybody– They're Just Afraid Of You

Big biker dude: I figured out how to get through all the people at intersections.
Biker friend: How's that?
Big biker dude: I just bitch real loud about tourists, and everyone thinks I'm a cranky New Yorker and moves out of the way and lets me through.
Biker friend: Dude, you're fresh off the boat from Idaho.
Big biker dude: I know! They don't, and New Yorkers smile at me. People are idiots.

–Times Square

Overheard by: Gazoo

Apparently She Found Someone Else to Toast Her Bagel.

Dunkin' donuts worker #1: I heard that Katie, who comes here every morning, is moving to Jersey.
Dunkin' donuts worker #2: What Katie?
Dunkin' donuts worker #1: The good-looking blonde, blue eyes, wears jeans most of the time, has twin boys.
Dunkin' donuts worker #2: I have no clue who you mean.
Dunkin' donuts worker #3: Whole-wheat bagel, toasted, with cream cheese. Medium coffee, extra cream, no sugar.
Dunkin' donuts worker #2: Oh! That's Katie! Wait, she is moving to Jersey?

–Dunkin' Donuts

Overheard by: JDK

During or After?

Guy #1: I just ran a 5k…
Guy #2, to girl: How many guys have you blown that have ran a marathon?

–51st & 2nd

Overheard by: Aaron

…Stop Guilting Me!

Bag lady, yelling: Get up off me, yo, I ain't got nothin'!
Hobo, calmly: It ain't about you got, man. It's about what I got.
Bag lady: Why do I got to split half with you, yo? You don't give me nothin'!
Hobo: Man, why you keep goin on about that?
Bag lady: Yo you don't give me nothin'. You don't even take me to the clinic. I got mad skin conditions! I don't even know how you fuck me, yo!
Hobo: Shit, man…

–A Train

Overheard by: Juan Chung

Speaking Of Funny, Did I Mention That My Period's Late?

Hip girl sitting on bench: Look at that sign he has! (points at a man carrying a “$1 for a joke” sign) I wonder if he has good jokes?
Hip boyfriend: What if he just said “Joke's on you for giving me a dollar”? That'd be so funny!

–Central Park

She's Inspired Me to Go Back to Bed

Woman to man, watching woman pace up and down, clapping hands in front of Baptist church: What does she think she's doing? Man, that lady's got issues.
Man: And so early in the morning, too!

–188th St & Fordham Rd

Overheard by: Eternal Student