Archive for September, 2011

If You Love Something, Let It Go

Guy in long line outside stall: Hurry up, man!
Guy in stall: I can't stop shitting on myself!
Guy in line: I don't care, just hurry the fuck up!
Guy in stall: I've got diarrhea like crazy, guy! –Bathroom, Penn Station


Smoking dude: The other day I saw in the store “vegetarian eggs”.
Friend: What?
Smoking dude: Yeah. I mean, if they came out of a chicken, they aren't vegetarian.
Friend: Maybe they meant “free range”?
Smoking dude: I got no problem, free-range eggs, kosher eggs, whatever… but they aren't vegetarian. –Outside Webster Hall Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster

Bavarian Motor Wear Is Hot This Season

Midwestern lady: Oh dear, what a blouse shirt. Where did you get that?
German tourist: Thanks. It's from Germany.
Midwestern lady: Germany? I think I've heard of that designer before. Do they have a shop in New York? –99 East & 52nd St


Girl to male friend: You can look but you can't touch! (pause) Wait a minute, why am I telling you! (to boyfriend) You can look but you can't touch! –59 & 6th

Don't You Have an Abortion Clinic to Picket?

Save the Children canvasser: Do you have a moment for Save the Children?
Man: No. Actually, I just got fired from my job…
Save the Children canvasser: From Save the Children? –Brooklyn

Are These Guys Drunk, or Stoned? Discuss.

College boy #1, wearing “Democracy is not a spectator sport” shirt: I suckled you from my own breast!
College boy #2: Shut up, dad! You sound just like mom! –Amtrak Train

Bad Hobbits Are Tough to Break.

Short 20-something girl in stall #1: Because he's a hobbit! I gotta get out of the shire. I can be in the Shire but my man can't! I need tall babies!
Short 20-something girl in stall #2: But he is funny. What is more important? (to stranger) What do you think, is the Shire really that bad? –Bathroom, Rudy's Bar Overheard by: Dani M.