Archive for October, 2011

Nobody Means It– Ever

Automated bus service announcement, in loud cheerful voice: Thank you for riding the MTA!
Bus driver, grumbling: They don't really mean it…

–23rd St & Park Ave

Overheard by: karjala

Becoming a Sexual Object Means You're No Better Than the TV

Girl: So I got undressed, pulled out my vibrator, and asked him to give me a little inspiration and cheer me along. He said he'd be right back and returned with a family-size box of Cheeze-Its. Like, what the fuck?
Boy: When a girl says she wants to cum for you on camera, it's generally not a good time to go to the concession stand.

–W 3rd & 6th

Must…Resist…”Cereal Killer” Headline…

Elementary school boy #1: You wanna know why Wal-Mart is the best? Cause you can buy a big box of cereal in one aisle, then go to the next aisle and buy a gun! What more do you need?
Elementary school boy #2: Wowee…
Elementary school boy #1: Exactly! You can't do that anywhere else in the world!

–6 Train

Overheard by: Erg

Religious Differences Are Less Of a Dealbreaker for Guys

Guy: So, something like a light saber…
Girl: What's a lightsaver?
Guy: A light saber… You know, from Star Wars?
Girl: Ohhhh… That shiny knife thing, right??
Guy: It's not a knife… Do you know what “the force” is?
Girl: The forest?

–Cafe, Lexington Ave

Overheard by: unkoman

Wednesday One-Liner Can't Buy You Love

Guy, yelling at cell: I have three Swiss bank accounts! I need to get that money!

–68th St & Lexington

Overheard by: xandra

Harassed-looking guy with comically strong Jersey accent: Charge me 20 bucks for a box of air! (contemplative pause) It's a good price, though.

–East 73rd & 2nd

Overheard by: Katie

Older man: "Cake" means "money," sweetie, I know you don't follow slang, but I'm in the 'hood right now.

–2 Train

Overheard by: Jayson

Thug on cell: Listen, what's 1.8 million dollars between friends?

–35th St b/w Park & Lex

Overheard by: Tif

One-Liners for the Most Self-Obsessed Wednesday on Earth

Man on Bluetooth headset: Well, like I said, we're not living in the real world anymore. We're living in New York City, where people can do whatever the fuck they want.

–South 1st & Driggs

Overheard by: Reuben and Nicki

Hobo poet on train: Ladies and gents, a subway haiku for you: "New York subway map/ Manhattan flaccid penis/Brooklyn/Queens scrotum."

–2 Express Train

Suit on cell: I haven't been in the city in so long, it feels so good to be back. I missed New York City more than I missed my ex girlfriend of three years.

–34th St Macy's

Guy on public telephone near gate: Yeah, that's why I gotta leave Manhattan: everybody knows me here.

–Midtown Port Authority Bus Terminal

Overheard by: Kevin McCaffrey

Wednesday One-Liners :-P

Woman on phone: New Yorkers smile too fuckin' much.

–Bowery & Houston

Overheard by: Gabriel Sanders

Teen to friend: 25% of the conversation is smiley faces. 25% is talking about Ke$ha. And the other 50% is us making fun of each other.

–Holland Tunnel

Woman to friend: Don't let nobody control your smile! You control your own smile!

–14th St & Ave B

Grandmother to six-year-old Puerto Rican girl: Never look at a white man in the face, especially if he smiles at you.

–Driggs Avenue & Grand Avenue

Wednesday Out-of-Towners

Tourist, pointing at mural of USS Washington: Look, there's the Titanic.

–Museum of American Indians

Overheard by: francyne pelchar

Female tourist at box office: Goodness, it's expensive to be cultured!

–Pompeii Exhibit, Times Square

Overheard by: Sarah

Tourist mother on phone: Yeah we're at the Starbucks on Park Avenue, you know, south of the Brooklyn bridge? (pause) No, don't take the subway! That's dangerous, call a taxi.

–Starbucks, Park Row

Overheard by: that would be an expensive taxi ride

Tourist girl to friend: Thank god our bodies don't completely turn off when we go to sleep or else people would be getting raped and murder all the time. Wanna see the shirt I got?

–F Train