Archive for October, 2011

Nobody Means It– Ever

Automated bus service announcement, in loud cheerful voice: Thank you for riding the MTA!
Bus driver, grumbling: They don't really mean it… –23rd St & Park Ave Overheard by: karjala


Becoming a Sexual Object Means You're No Better Than the TV

Girl: So I got undressed, pulled out my vibrator, and asked him to give me a little inspiration and cheer me along. He said he'd be right back and returned with a family-size box of Cheeze-Its. Like, what the fuck?
Boy: When a girl says she wants to cum for you on camera, it's generally not a good time to go to the concession stand. –W 3rd & 6th


Must…Resist…”Cereal Killer” Headline…

Elementary school boy #1: You wanna know why Wal-Mart is the best? Cause you can buy a big box of cereal in one aisle, then go to the next aisle and buy a gun! What more do you need?
Elementary school boy #2: Wowee…
Elementary school boy #1: Exactly! You can't do that anywhere else in the world! –6 Train Overheard by: Erg


Wednesday One-Liner Can't Buy You Love

Guy, yelling at cell: I have three Swiss bank accounts! I need to get that money! –68th St & Lexington Overheard by: xandra Harassed-looking guy with comically strong Jersey accent: Charge me 20 bucks for a box of air! (contemplative pause) It's a good price, though. –East 73rd & 2nd Overheard by: Katie Older man: "Cake" means "money," sweetie, I know you don't follow slang, but I'm in the 'hood right now. –2 Train Overheard by: Jayson Thug on cell: Listen, what's 1.8 million dollars between friends? –35th St b/w Park & Lex Overheard by: Tif


One-Liners for the Most Self-Obsessed Wednesday on Earth

Man on Bluetooth headset: Well, like I said, we're not living in the real world anymore. We're living in New York City, where people can do whatever the fuck they want. –South 1st & Driggs Overheard by: Reuben and Nicki Hobo poet on train: Ladies and gents, a subway haiku for you: "New York subway map/ Manhattan flaccid penis/Brooklyn/Queens scrotum." –2 Express Train Suit on cell: I haven't been in the city in so long, it feels so good to be back. I missed New York City more than I missed my ex girlfriend of three years. –34th St Macy's Guy on public telephone near gate: Yeah, that's why I gotta leave Manhattan: everybody knows me here. –Midtown Port Authority Bus Terminal Overheard by: Kevin McCaffrey


Wednesday One-Liners :-P

Woman on phone: New Yorkers smile too fuckin' much. –Bowery & Houston Overheard by: Gabriel Sanders Teen to friend: 25% of the conversation is smiley faces. 25% is talking about Ke$ha. And the other 50% is us making fun of each other. –Holland Tunnel Woman to friend: Don't let nobody control your smile! You control your own smile! –14th St & Ave B Grandmother to six-year-old Puerto Rican girl: Never look at a white man in the face, especially if he smiles at you. –Driggs Avenue & Grand Avenue


People Who Live in Glass Wednesdays Shouldn't Throw One-Liners

Pretentious, fake man to pretentious, fake woman: But of course, Soho in the old days was so pretentious and fake… –Art Gallery, Chelsea Overheard by: Rose Fox Big blond tourist doof to grossly overweight wife who eyeballs every passenger: Yes, you'll see all kinds here. –Uptown 1 Train Overheard by: Suze Volchok British tourist : There's too many fucking tourists. –42nd St 30-something on cell: I hate it when people put labels on other people, it's just… so gay. –McCarren Park


Wednesday Headliners

Tourist to another: I don't get why they have a roller coaster based on Aerosmith. They need to have a ride based on someone that everybody likes, like Britney Spears. –Q Train Confused teenage girl to another, looking at wall of silver-screen era movie star magazines: Where's Justin Bieber? –Museum of the Moving Image, Astoria Overheard by: Lori Blond: It's not like it was Barack Obama. We just saw Mike Myers! It was like "Ohmygod, I totally admire you!" –W 4th St Overheard by: Megan W. Bearded guy to tough guy: You should scissor-kick the shit outta Snooki. –40th St & Broadway


Is That a Trick Question?

Punk rock girl hipster: It's like if I had a dick, but only one ball. And I was living inside that ball.
Male counterpart: Yeah, and then your dick doesn't even do anything.
Punk rock girl hipster: Wait, I have a dick? –5th & 58th