Archive for October, 2011

Dear Diary– A Woman Hit on Me Today!

Scary-looking older woman creeping out from underneath stairs, loudly: Hey, you got any crack?
Passerby: No.
Scary-looking older woman, loudly: What the hell good are you, then? –St. Mark's Place Overheard by: Emily Glass-Bowman

The Village Bicycle's Wednesday One-Liners

Asian girl: I always spelled it "h-o-e," but apparently it's spelled "h-o." –Urban Outfitters Student to group of friends: I'm black, I can be slutty and still get a welfare check. –116th & Broadway 20-something girl on cell: I know I always say this, but I really thought I was just going to do a little bit with him! –2nd Ave & 3rd St Overheard by: Pedro Dressed-to-the-nines, hermes-kelly-bag-carrying prep school mom to another: That's because she's such a slut! –Upper West Side Prep-School Recruitment Fair

Wednesday One-Liners Like to Watch

Young guy on subway: Yo, I watch VH1 all the time! That's how I know so much about the past. –1 Train Man on cell: Going to see the David Letterman show is no big deal. Trust me! –West 49th St Overheard by: Michael Aggressive-looking Bronx chick to friend: And the guy I'm fuckin' was like "yeah, I fucked Snooki once." I was like "you just ruined Jersey Shore for me! I'll never watch that show again. I can never look at Snooki the same!" –Downtown F Train Overheard by: Rose Black guy, abruptly, to nonplussed white girl walking by: You be watchin' Seinfeld at nine o'clock on the Family Channel? –Clinton & Washington Ave, Bed-Stuy

Winesday One-Liners

Suit on cell: Does the champagne have to be kosher? –42nd St Overheard by: Estoye 20-something girl to mother: Church isn't a bar, but it serves wine and crackers! –46th St & Park Ave Overheard by: Molly Guy on cell: Yeah, the doctor said she has like 400 allergies–to things she's been around her whole life. (pause) Like red wine, and chocolate… and the color blue. –71st St & Broadway Overheard by: I Should Mind My Own Business Guy at bar: 3:00 pm on a Friday. It's like the Hooters of wine bars. –Sweet & Vicious Overheard by: pandarants

Wednesday One-Liners Up the Yinyang

Pregnant girl: If I knew having a kid would be this hard, I would've started taking it in the ass. –Bond St 30-something woman: No, Luke, third base is not anal. –170th St Overheard by: meg Angry hobo, after being ignored: Just bein' friendly! They misconstrued friendly for butt sex. –145th & St. Nicholas Dad to infant son having rectal temperature taken: Wow, look at him, just sitting there taking it. You really are Greek! –Pediatric Emergency Room, Brooklyn Overheard by: laughing parent

So in the Q Train, All You Can Do Is Wait

English girl #1: We need to get to Penn Station! Why isn't this train going any faster!?
English girl #2: Yeah, I thought this train would go faster than the other train.
English girl #3: Oh! I get it! It's the 1 train because it stops every one stop, and the 2 train stops every two stops, and like that, innit?
English girl #1: Oh, yeah.
English girl #2: That's so obvious now. –1 Train Overheard by: Ben

We're Sorry Our Submitter Had to See That

Woman #1 : I love the summer.
Woman #2 : Me too.
Woman #1 : Sandals make it easy to grow out my toes.
(woman #2 gives her a confused look, woman #1 directs attention to her foot which had overgrown toenails artfully painted as if it was long fingernails) –A Train Overheard by: Jason

Where Love and Need Are One

Gypsy cab driver: Hey, this your first time in New York?
Passenger: No, but it's the first time I've missed a flight.
Gypsy cab driver: Cool, well, look out for cops for me, would you?
Passenger: Sure–looks like the emergency lane is doing you well. –Interstate from JFK to LGA Airport Overheard by: Jennie

Is That a Pro Bono in Your Pocket, or Are You Just Glad to See Me?

Middle Eastern guy with only very slight accent, to his lawyer: So do you think the judge will let me out of the contract?
Middle aged white lawyer: Sure. Just say that the interpreter signed the contract without telling you what it said. –Civil Court, Sutphin Blvd, Jamaica Overheard by: Big Larry