Archive for October, 2011

People Who Live in Glass Wednesdays Shouldn't Throw One-Liners

Pretentious, fake man to pretentious, fake woman: But of course, Soho in the old days was so pretentious and fake…

–Art Gallery, Chelsea

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Big blond tourist doof to grossly overweight wife who eyeballs every passenger: Yes, you'll see all kinds here.

–Uptown 1 Train

Overheard by: Suze Volchok

British tourist : There's too many fucking tourists.

–42nd St

30-something on cell: I hate it when people put labels on other people, it's just… so gay.

–McCarren Park

Wednesday Headliners

Tourist to another: I don't get why they have a roller coaster based on Aerosmith. They need to have a ride based on someone that everybody likes, like Britney Spears.

–Q Train

Confused teenage girl to another, looking at wall of silver-screen era movie star magazines: Where's Justin Bieber?

–Museum of the Moving Image, Astoria

Overheard by: Lori

Blond: It's not like it was Barack Obama. We just saw Mike Myers! It was like "Ohmygod, I totally admire you!"

–W 4th St

Overheard by: Megan W.

Bearded guy to tough guy: You should scissor-kick the shit outta Snooki.

–40th St & Broadway

Is That a Trick Question?

Punk rock girl hipster: It's like if I had a dick, but only one ball. And I was living inside that ball.
Male counterpart: Yeah, and then your dick doesn't even do anything.
Punk rock girl hipster: Wait, I have a dick?

–5th & 58th

…But Now I'm Balls-Deep in Rainbow Town

Construction worker #1: Yeah, it was great. Got to sit on that ridge and look out and see a rainbow. Do you get any rainbows in El Salvador?
Construction worker #2: No, we don't get rainbows there.

–45th & 5th

Overheard by: Clint

Dear Diary– A Woman Hit on Me Today!

Scary-looking older woman creeping out from underneath stairs, loudly: Hey, you got any crack?
Passerby: No.
Scary-looking older woman, loudly: What the hell good are you, then?

–St. Mark's Place

Overheard by: Emily Glass-Bowman

Wednesday One-Liners Fight for Their Right to Potty

Preteen thug to friend: Yo, you gotta stop peeing in bottles and leaving them on the sidewalk, man! If you're gonna pee in it, at least drink it!

–Central Park West & 96th

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Guy in clown costume: Come on, people, take mah pitcha! What I gotta do, piss mah pants?

–7th Ave & 35th St

Overheard by: Eve, who didn't take pitcha

Teen: I had to pee like that today in class, but didn't want to leave. So yeah, I like your toilet, too.

–L Train

Overheard by: Katrin

Old black woman on phone: What did I tell you? You can't trust a man who pisses on his hands.

–Central Park

Overheard by: anime_milkshake

The Village Bicycle's Wednesday One-Liners

Asian girl: I always spelled it "h-o-e," but apparently it's spelled "h-o."

–Urban Outfitters

Student to group of friends: I'm black, I can be slutty and still get a welfare check.

–116th & Broadway

20-something girl on cell: I know I always say this, but I really thought I was just going to do a little bit with him!

–2nd Ave & 3rd St

Overheard by: Pedro

Dressed-to-the-nines, hermes-kelly-bag-carrying prep school mom to another: That's because she's such a slut!

–Upper West Side Prep-School Recruitment Fair

Wednesday One-Liners Like to Watch

Young guy on subway: Yo, I watch VH1 all the time! That's how I know so much about the past.

–1 Train

Man on cell: Going to see the David Letterman show is no big deal. Trust me!

–West 49th St

Overheard by: Michael

Aggressive-looking Bronx chick to friend: And the guy I'm fuckin' was like "yeah, I fucked Snooki once." I was like "you just ruined Jersey Shore for me! I'll never watch that show again. I can never look at Snooki the same!"

–Downtown F Train

Overheard by: Rose

Black guy, abruptly, to nonplussed white girl walking by: You be watchin' Seinfeld at nine o'clock on the Family Channel?

–Clinton & Washington Ave, Bed-Stuy

Winesday One-Liners

Suit on cell: Does the champagne have to be kosher?

–42nd St

Overheard by: Estoye

20-something girl to mother: Church isn't a bar, but it serves wine and crackers!

–46th St & Park Ave

Overheard by: Molly

Guy on cell: Yeah, the doctor said she has like 400 allergies–to things she's been around her whole life. (pause) Like red wine, and chocolate… and the color blue.

–71st St & Broadway

Overheard by: I Should Mind My Own Business

Guy at bar: 3:00 pm on a Friday. It's like the Hooters of wine bars.

–Sweet & Vicious

Overheard by: pandarants