Archive for October, 2011

Wednesday One-Liners Like to Watch

Young guy on subway: Yo, I watch VH1 all the time! That's how I know so much about the past.

–1 Train

Man on cell: Going to see the David Letterman show is no big deal. Trust me!

–West 49th St

Overheard by: Michael

Aggressive-looking Bronx chick to friend: And the guy I'm fuckin' was like "yeah, I fucked Snooki once." I was like "you just ruined Jersey Shore for me! I'll never watch that show again. I can never look at Snooki the same!"

–Downtown F Train

Overheard by: Rose

Black guy, abruptly, to nonplussed white girl walking by: You be watchin' Seinfeld at nine o'clock on the Family Channel?

–Clinton & Washington Ave, Bed-Stuy


Winesday One-Liners

Suit on cell: Does the champagne have to be kosher?

–42nd St

Overheard by: Estoye

20-something girl to mother: Church isn't a bar, but it serves wine and crackers!

–46th St & Park Ave

Overheard by: Molly

Guy on cell: Yeah, the doctor said she has like 400 allergies–to things she's been around her whole life. (pause) Like red wine, and chocolate… and the color blue.

–71st St & Broadway

Overheard by: I Should Mind My Own Business

Guy at bar: 3:00 pm on a Friday. It's like the Hooters of wine bars.

–Sweet & Vicious

Overheard by: pandarants


Wednesday One-Liners Up the Yinyang

Pregnant girl: If I knew having a kid would be this hard, I would've started taking it in the ass.

–Bond St

30-something woman: No, Luke, third base is not anal.

–170th St

Overheard by: meg

Angry hobo, after being ignored: Just bein' friendly! They misconstrued friendly for butt sex.

–145th & St. Nicholas

Dad to infant son having rectal temperature taken: Wow, look at him, just sitting there taking it. You really are Greek!

–Pediatric Emergency Room, Brooklyn

Overheard by: laughing parent


So in the Q Train, All You Can Do Is Wait

English girl #1: We need to get to Penn Station! Why isn't this train going any faster!?
English girl #2: Yeah, I thought this train would go faster than the other train.
English girl #3: Oh! I get it! It's the 1 train because it stops every one stop, and the 2 train stops every two stops, and like that, innit?
English girl #1: Oh, yeah.
English girl #2: That's so obvious now.

–1 Train

Overheard by: Ben


We're Sorry Our Submitter Had to See That

Woman #1 : I love the summer.
Woman #2 : Me too.
Woman #1 : Sandals make it easy to grow out my toes.
(woman #2 gives her a confused look, woman #1 directs attention to her foot which had overgrown toenails artfully painted as if it was long fingernails)

–A Train

Overheard by: Jason


Where Love and Need Are One

Gypsy cab driver: Hey, this your first time in New York?
Passenger: No, but it's the first time I've missed a flight.
Gypsy cab driver: Cool, well, look out for cops for me, would you?
Passenger: Sure–looks like the emergency lane is doing you well.

–Interstate from JFK to LGA Airport

Overheard by: Jennie


Is That a Pro Bono in Your Pocket, or Are You Just Glad to See Me?

Middle Eastern guy with only very slight accent, to his lawyer: So do you think the judge will let me out of the contract?
Middle aged white lawyer: Sure. Just say that the interpreter signed the contract without telling you what it said.

–Civil Court, Sutphin Blvd, Jamaica

Overheard by: Big Larry


Paradoxically, He's a Major Douchebag.

Asian chic on the train: My major is sociology.
Guy hitting on the Asian chic: Wow, sociology was my minor!
Friends, in chorus: Hey, almost anything you do you in your life is kinda minor!

–LIRR

Overheard by: geddanyc


Raise Your Hand If You're Hoping They Get Mugged.

Boyfriend, imitating Middle East accent: My queen, I'd like to build a school in this country.
Girlfriend, imitating Middle East accent: A school for what, my king?
Boyfriend, imitating Middle East accent: A school to teach Americans how to parallel parking.

–Statue of Liberty