Archive for October, 2011

Is That a Pro Bono in Your Pocket, or Are You Just Glad to See Me?

Middle Eastern guy with only very slight accent, to his lawyer: So do you think the judge will let me out of the contract?
Middle aged white lawyer: Sure. Just say that the interpreter signed the contract without telling you what it said. –Civil Court, Sutphin Blvd, Jamaica Overheard by: Big Larry

Paradoxically, He's a Major Douchebag.

Asian chic on the train: My major is sociology.
Guy hitting on the Asian chic: Wow, sociology was my minor!
Friends, in chorus: Hey, almost anything you do you in your life is kinda minor! –LIRR Overheard by: geddanyc

Raise Your Hand If You're Hoping They Get Mugged.

Boyfriend, imitating Middle East accent: My queen, I'd like to build a school in this country.
Girlfriend, imitating Middle East accent: A school for what, my king?
Boyfriend, imitating Middle East accent: A school to teach Americans how to parallel parking. –Statue of Liberty

It's Always Teenager Mating Season

Pigeons under a bodega: Cooo, cooo, cooo, cooo, cooo…
Teenage boy, disinterested: It sounds like those birds are having raunchy bird sex up there.
Teenage girl: I was thinking the same thing, just not in those extreme terms.
Teenage boy, pumping his arms and closed hands in and out of his chest: You can do it, put your wing into it…
(teenage girl laughs hysterically as teenage boy holds his hand to his chin, pausing)
Teenage boy: I can do it, put my plume into it! –Hunts Point Ave & Lafayette Ave, Bronx

Mom Just Got Over the Clap

Irate mother: Bobby*, stop the clapping, you know I hate the clapping. You keep up that clapping and I'm going to give you something to clap about.
Bobby*: Mom…
Irate mother: No more clapping! –103rd & West End Overheard by: Gentleman Jim

And Robin, His Altar Boy

Girl #1: Why are you wearing a man's batman shirt?
Girl #2: Because Batman is the best darn superhero in the world. Well, not in the world. That's Jesus. After Jesus, there's Batman. –Target Overheard by: I love Batman too!

Translation: I Wouldn't Fuck You on a Bet

Girl: Every time I see a two-wheeled bicycle, I think of you.
Guy: Um, all bicycles have two wheels… –Brooklyn Flea, Williamsburg Overheard by: She must think of him a lot, in this neck of the woods

Nothing That Cool, Honey

Girl #1: Where's Andy tonight?
Girl #2: He couldn't make it, he has his javascript class on Thursday nights.
Girl #1: Oh, cool. So he's training to be a barista or something? –Brooklyn Bridge Park Overheard by: Arielle

Some Staten Island Headlines Really Write Themselves.

Student #1: I hate it when single married people…
Student #2, interrupting: Wait, single married people?
Student #1: Yeah, single married people…
Student #2: Do you hear yourself when you speak? What the hell is a single married person?!
Student #1: You know, it's people who were married but are single now…
Student #2: You mean divorced people?!
Student #1: Yeah! It's the same shit!
Student #2, walking away: You're a moron… –College of Staten Island Overheard by: Michael Saadi