Archive for October, 2011

So in the Q Train, All You Can Do Is Wait

English girl #1: We need to get to Penn Station! Why isn't this train going any faster!?
English girl #2: Yeah, I thought this train would go faster than the other train.
English girl #3: Oh! I get it! It's the 1 train because it stops every one stop, and the 2 train stops every two stops, and like that, innit?
English girl #1: Oh, yeah.
English girl #2: That's so obvious now.

–1 Train

Overheard by: Ben


We're Sorry Our Submitter Had to See That

Woman #1 : I love the summer.
Woman #2 : Me too.
Woman #1 : Sandals make it easy to grow out my toes.
(woman #2 gives her a confused look, woman #1 directs attention to her foot which had overgrown toenails artfully painted as if it was long fingernails)

–A Train

Overheard by: Jason


Where Love and Need Are One

Gypsy cab driver: Hey, this your first time in New York?
Passenger: No, but it's the first time I've missed a flight.
Gypsy cab driver: Cool, well, look out for cops for me, would you?
Passenger: Sure–looks like the emergency lane is doing you well.

–Interstate from JFK to LGA Airport

Overheard by: Jennie


Is That a Pro Bono in Your Pocket, or Are You Just Glad to See Me?

Middle Eastern guy with only very slight accent, to his lawyer: So do you think the judge will let me out of the contract?
Middle aged white lawyer: Sure. Just say that the interpreter signed the contract without telling you what it said.

–Civil Court, Sutphin Blvd, Jamaica

Overheard by: Big Larry


Paradoxically, He's a Major Douchebag.

Asian chic on the train: My major is sociology.
Guy hitting on the Asian chic: Wow, sociology was my minor!
Friends, in chorus: Hey, almost anything you do you in your life is kinda minor!

–LIRR

Overheard by: geddanyc


Raise Your Hand If You're Hoping They Get Mugged.

Boyfriend, imitating Middle East accent: My queen, I'd like to build a school in this country.
Girlfriend, imitating Middle East accent: A school for what, my king?
Boyfriend, imitating Middle East accent: A school to teach Americans how to parallel parking.

–Statue of Liberty


It's Always Teenager Mating Season

Pigeons under a bodega: Cooo, cooo, cooo, cooo, cooo…
Teenage boy, disinterested: It sounds like those birds are having raunchy bird sex up there.
Teenage girl: I was thinking the same thing, just not in those extreme terms.
Teenage boy, pumping his arms and closed hands in and out of his chest: You can do it, put your wing into it…
(teenage girl laughs hysterically as teenage boy holds his hand to his chin, pausing)
Teenage boy
: I can do it, put my plume into it!


–Hunts Point Ave & Lafayette Ave, Bronx


Mom Just Got Over the Clap

Irate mother: Bobby*, stop the clapping, you know I hate the clapping. You keep up that clapping and I'm going to give you something to clap about.
Bobby*: Mom…
Irate mother: No more clapping!

–103rd & West End

Overheard by: Gentleman Jim


And Robin, His Altar Boy

Girl #1: Why are you wearing a man's batman shirt?
Girl #2: Because Batman is the best darn superhero in the world. Well, not in the world. That's Jesus. After Jesus, there's Batman.

–Target

Overheard by: I love Batman too!