Archive for October, 2011

That's Your Answer to Everything!

Little girl, leaving theater: But why, daddy!?
Father, with heavy Long Island accent: Cuz it was rainin' meatballs!

–Regal 13,Times Square


It's Always Teenager Mating Season

Pigeons under a bodega: Cooo, cooo, cooo, cooo, cooo…
Teenage boy, disinterested: It sounds like those birds are having raunchy bird sex up there.
Teenage girl: I was thinking the same thing, just not in those extreme terms.
Teenage boy, pumping his arms and closed hands in and out of his chest: You can do it, put your wing into it…
(teenage girl laughs hysterically as teenage boy holds his hand to his chin, pausing)
Teenage boy
: I can do it, put my plume into it!


–Hunts Point Ave & Lafayette Ave, Bronx


Mom Just Got Over the Clap

Irate mother: Bobby*, stop the clapping, you know I hate the clapping. You keep up that clapping and I'm going to give you something to clap about.
Bobby*: Mom…
Irate mother: No more clapping!

–103rd & West End

Overheard by: Gentleman Jim


And Robin, His Altar Boy

Girl #1: Why are you wearing a man's batman shirt?
Girl #2: Because Batman is the best darn superhero in the world. Well, not in the world. That's Jesus. After Jesus, there's Batman.

–Target

Overheard by: I love Batman too!


Translation: I Wouldn't Fuck You on a Bet

Girl: Every time I see a two-wheeled bicycle, I think of you.
Guy: Um, all bicycles have two wheels…

–Brooklyn Flea, Williamsburg

Overheard by: She must think of him a lot, in this neck of the woods


Nothing That Cool, Honey

Girl #1: Where's Andy tonight?
Girl #2: He couldn't make it, he has his javascript class on Thursday nights.
Girl #1: Oh, cool. So he's training to be a barista or something?

–Brooklyn Bridge Park

Overheard by: Arielle


Some Staten Island Headlines Really Write Themselves.

Student #1: I hate it when single married people…
Student #2, interrupting: Wait, single married people?
Student #1: Yeah, single married people…
Student #2: Do you hear yourself when you speak? What the hell is a single married person?!
Student #1: You know, it's people who were married but are single now…
Student #2: You mean divorced people?!
Student #1: Yeah! It's the same shit!
Student #2, walking away: You're a moron…

–College of Staten Island

Overheard by: Michael Saadi


Are You on Mescalin?

Cashier: Mescaline?
Grocery bagger: Dunno. (reaches for the produce cheat sheet)
Cashier: No, what is it?
Grocery bagger: Oh, I thought you was asking what the code for it was!

–Upscale Grocery Store, Morningside


The Most Fun Trader Joe's Employees Have Ever Had

Loudspeaker announcer: Will customer Howie please come to the front of the store? Your wife is waiting for you on the bench by the front entrance.
Security guard: Howie has left the building!

–Trader Joe's, Union Square

Overheard by: sternie