Creepy old guy: Hey hun, do you know you can get Windows 7.0 for less than $25.
Cute girl: Okay…
Creepy old guy: Alright! Gimme your phone number and I'll help you out.
–25th St & 3rd Ave
Archive for November, 2011
I'll Certainly Always Cherish This Moment
Woman to friend she hasn't seen in weeks: Oh, let's get together and…
Friend, cutting her off: I don't roll like that. Either you see or you don't. I don't do that whole, you know, let's plan on seeing each other, let's meet up, let's like, decide that we're going to, like, see each other, you know, stuff. Naw, that ain't me. You see me when you see me.
–Hunter College
And People Milk His Name for All It's Worth.
Four-year-old girl wearing cheese head: Mom, does Jesus have a cheese head, too?
Mom: I don't know. Why do you think he would?
Girl: Because he has 'cheese' in his name.
–Eastern Parkway, Brooklyn on Halloween
Overheard by: brownie
Wednesdays Brush After Every One-Liner
Gay guy to friends: And you know what? His teeth look like chiklets! There, I've said it! It's like he fished in his pocket, grabbed a handful of chiklets, went to a cosmetic dentist and said, "make me a smile!"
–Downtown A Train
Overheard by: Gus
Cotton candy vendor: Hey, yo! Last call for a root canal…
–Yankee Stadium
Old hobo to hot younger woman: Sure would like to hold you, but you got teeth. I wouldn't know what to say. Met some beautiful women in my youth, didn't know what to say to them neither. Should've kept it simple: can I get a kiss?
–6 Train
Overheard by: Christine
Young child: Mom, where are my teeth?
–Lafayette St
Wednesday One-Liners Don't Mean a Thing If They Ain't Got That Bling
Thug, yelling: What you know about antioxidants, son?
–Times Square
Thug to pigeon walking in his path: Yo, move dawg! (pause) Move, nigga!
–Broadway & 17th St
Overheard by: Laughing my ass off
Thug on sample iPhone, in Apple store: Look, you stay on your side of town and I'll stay on my side of town.
–58th & 5th
Overheard by: Caset
Thug on cell: No! Don't interrupt me, man. Don't interrupt me, nigga, I'm trying to tell you how to cook a casserole!
–Downtown 1 Train
Overheard by: Connor A.
Tonight, on a Very Special Wednesday One-Liners…
Astute girl to female friend: Honestly, I should have realized we didn't stand a chance when he said that Law & Order: CI was better than SVU.
–Greenwich Ave & W10th
Overheard by: alixthamilton
Pissed drunk guy with crew cut, after exiting restaurant: Fuck! I missed Nancy Grace! Jeezus-Christmas!
–Driggs Ave & Broadway, Williamsburg
Overheard by: T. Myers
Girl in mermaid costume: Get obsessed with something normal, like Star Trek.
–N Train
NYU gay student: I am never watching Adventure Time at 4 in the morning again.
–Weinstein Hall, NYU
Overheard by: MATHEMATICAL!
Angry gangsta on cell: Man! That dude stole my fucking money! I'ma kill that fucking nigga! (pause) After I go watch True Blood at mom's. (pause) Yeah, you can come…
–Port Authority
Overheard by: E.Major
Why Husbands Stray: Explained
Woman shopping at Costco: We need nuts.
Husband with shopping cart behind: I don't need any nuts.
–116th & 2nd
Can't Wait to Miss It
Student #1: What did you do today?
Student #2: I leaked the ABC fall lineup.
Student #1: Oh.
–Tisch School of the Arts
Overheard by: Bruce Lee
Dude, Just Roll With It
Drunk girl trying to flirt with a stranger: Oh my god! No way I have actually met people, that's so funny!
Stranger: Wait… What?
–L Train
…And, Really, What Wouldn't a Mother Do for Her Child?
Guy: I can't believe you! I can't believe you slept with my boss.
Girl: Well, you got the promotion, didn't you?
–Central Park