Archive for December, 2011

That's Not True! I Totally Worry About Terrorists Now, Too.

Girl, lunching with friends: So I read my diary from when I was six. The first page I wrote, “dear diary, I'm so worried about my future. What am I going to do for my job? Where am I going to go to college?”
Friend: Looks like you haven't changed much.

–Cosi, Union Square

Overheard by: …and I thought I was crazy.


Back When All the Cab Drivers Spoke English

Father: You know, when I was little, dinosaurs used to run up and down broadway.
Four-year-old daughter: No way!
Father: It's true, they were all trying to get a cab.

–Uptown 1 Train


The Karmic Payback for Snottiness

Woman: Wow, I can't tell you the last time I was north of 40th street.
Man: Yeah, it's gotten to where if I go above 14th street, I get nosebleeds.

–47th & 7th Ave


You Know My Secret Identity?

Tired-looking dad on cell: Gotta get the coffee, gotta get the heroin…
Little boy: Daddy, what's heroin?
Tired-looking dad: Um, a heroin is a person that the hero saves.
Mexican sitting next to him: Hijo de puta.

–6 Train

Overheard by: vicki


Chinese Girls Are Dead Serious About Husband Hunting

White boy, doing homework on laptop: Do you have a gun?
Chinese girl, also doing homework on laptop: Yeah.
White boy: Can I use it?
Chinese girl, putting hand in purse: Wait, what did you say?
White boy: Do you have a gun?
Chinese girl: Oh… Not here.
White boy: Where is it?
Chinese girl: In China.
White boy: Oh. Never mind then. I just want it for this. (motions towards computer screen)
(they both lightly laugh)
White boy
: You have a gun in China?

Chinese girl: Yeah.
White boy: Like, a hand gun?
Chinese girl: No. A big one.(gestures with hands)
White boy: Why?
Chinese girl: I don't know. I found it in my closet.

–Marymount Manhattan College Library


Or Being Incontinent on the Subway

Suit #1: How was your vacation in Italy?
Suit #2: Great, have you been?
Suit #1: No, never been out of the country… Well, just to Mexico.
Suit #2: Yeah, that doesn't count, it's like going to one of our neighborhoods here…

–4 Train


Only the Artist's Urine Is Allowed

Bewildered old man to docent outside “duality of light” show: Toilets? Are these the toilets?
Docent: No, this is an art exhibit.

–Alice Tully Hall Lobby

Overheard by: Morning Glory