Archive for December, 2011

That's Not True! I Totally Worry About Terrorists Now, Too.

Girl, lunching with friends: So I read my diary from when I was six. The first page I wrote, “dear diary, I'm so worried about my future. What am I going to do for my job? Where am I going to go to college?”
Friend: Looks like you haven't changed much.

–Cosi, Union Square

Overheard by: …and I thought I was crazy.


The Karmic Payback for Snottiness

Woman: Wow, I can't tell you the last time I was north of 40th street.
Man: Yeah, it's gotten to where if I go above 14th street, I get nosebleeds.

–47th & 7th Ave


You Know My Secret Identity?

Tired-looking dad on cell: Gotta get the coffee, gotta get the heroin…
Little boy: Daddy, what's heroin?
Tired-looking dad: Um, a heroin is a person that the hero saves.
Mexican sitting next to him: Hijo de puta.

–6 Train

Overheard by: vicki


Or Being Incontinent on the Subway

Suit #1: How was your vacation in Italy?
Suit #2: Great, have you been?
Suit #1: No, never been out of the country… Well, just to Mexico.
Suit #2: Yeah, that doesn't count, it's like going to one of our neighborhoods here…

–4 Train


Only the Artist's Urine Is Allowed

Bewildered old man to docent outside “duality of light” show: Toilets? Are these the toilets?
Docent: No, this is an art exhibit.

–Alice Tully Hall Lobby

Overheard by: Morning Glory


Her Family Can't Wait to Meet Me

Boy #1: She's black with blue eyes!
Boy #2: Are they real?
Boy #1: Yeah.
Boy #2: But… Is it awkward? Like, is she slave black?
Boy #1: What do you mean “slave black”? She's copper brown. She's caliente…

–Q88 Bus


America, Encapsulated

Fat man to woman next to him: Don't touch me, I just had surgery. If you touch me again I'm gonna call the cops.
Old man: She's only touching you because she's sitting next to you and you're overweight.
Fat man: Oh, so what? You're perfect?
Old man: No, I'm overweight, too.

–M31 Bus

Overheard by: