Archive for December, 2011

Her Family Can't Wait to Meet Me

Boy #1: She's black with blue eyes!
Boy #2: Are they real?
Boy #1: Yeah.
Boy #2: But… Is it awkward? Like, is she slave black?
Boy #1: What do you mean “slave black”? She's copper brown. She's caliente…

–Q88 Bus


America, Encapsulated

Fat man to woman next to him: Don't touch me, I just had surgery. If you touch me again I'm gonna call the cops.
Old man: She's only touching you because she's sitting next to you and you're overweight.
Fat man: Oh, so what? You're perfect?
Old man: No, I'm overweight, too.

–M31 Bus

Overheard by:


That Bag Is So Bag

Thugette: That bag is so ghetto!
Thug: No, that bag is not ghetto. Ghetto is a noun, not an adjective. That bag is from the ghetto!

–Metro-North Rail

Overheard by: Stefanie


Fashion's a Sadistic Mistress, Whitney

Edgy girl #1: Dude, my pants are sooo tight.
Edgy girl #2: I know! Isn't that, like, the worst feeling?
Edgy girl #1: Yeah, it's like, I feel sick in class cause my pants are like, cutting into my waist! It's just like, omigod!

–The New School

Overheard by: Piddles


From My Big Book Of Things Straight Men Don't Say

Older woman, watching painting: She is ugly. She has a really ugly face. Look at her forehead!
Older man: Yeah, she's pretty ugly.
Older woman: But wow! She has great tits!
Older man: But they're pointing the wrong way!

–Museum of Modern Art


…On the DL

Young girl to woman with dog: I have a cat.
Woman: Oh yeah? What color is he?
Young girl, very seriously: He's black, but he wants to be a tabby.

–Downtown C Train

Overheard by: Emily


And He's Licking All the Passersby Because He's Creative

Grocery store employee to boy not letting automatic doors close: Hey kid, keep that door closed alright? There's AC in here. Those doors are meant to be closed.
Boy's mother: If doors were meant to be closed they would be walls.

–Flatbush, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Taylor Morgan


This Gives Us the Chills.

Guy #1: It's kinda cold out. Summer is officially over.
Guy #2: It's getting cold. I guess it's time to start looking for a girlfriend.
Guy #1: Shit. You're right.

–7 Train

Overheard by: ilana b


The U.S. Postal Service Is Not Much for Thinking Outside the Box

Post office clerk: Hi sir, how can I help you?
Spanish guy: Hi, I want to pick up my package.
Post office clerk: Sir, your package is not here.
Spanish guy: But I thought I can pick up my package anywhere.
Post office clerk: No, your package gets sent to only one post office. It cannot be here or in multiple locations.
Spanish guy: Wait… Aren't you guys connected?
Post office clerk: Next!

–Sheepshead Bay Post Office

Overheard by: R and C


Oh, Like Lucy Liu Eats Chipotle?

Thug #1: Yo, did I ever tell you about that time I met Lucy Liu, my nigga?
Thug #2: Nah.
Thug #1: Oh shit, well I was up in Chipotle and I turned around and I fuckin' saw this bad-ass bitch and I turned to my nigga and I was like “yo, is that Lucy fuckin Liu up in dis bitch?” and it was, so we was mad cheesin'.

–4 Train