Archive for December, 2011

Don't Drive in New York, Asshole

Suit: You're just doing this cause you want attention!
Traffic cop writing ticket: And you saying this is going to make me stop. (pause) Riiiighht…

–Broadway & 28th St

The Prince Updates Sleeping Beauty After Awakening Her With a Kiss

Girl: Hey, look at the guy in the poster over there. He's pretty cute. Who is he?
Boy: Are you kidding me? That's Barack fucking Obama.
Girl: Obama? Who's that?
Boy: He's our President!
Girl: He is? Then what happened to Bush?

–Bryant Park

Overheard by: A. E. Stover

Guess He's Fucked, Ma'am

Mother: Honey, do you want hummus or prosciutto in your croque?
Seemingly adorable five-year-old son: Proshuuuuuuuuuto!
(several minutes of them speaking French)
Mother to waiter
: He's allergic to macadamia nuts and buckwheat.

–Le Pain Quotidien, 64th & Lexington

Eyewitness Testimony Is Notoriously Unreliable

McDonald's employee to hobo on floor: Sir, we're going to have to ask you to leave.
Hobo: Why?!
Employee: Because you shat on the floor.
Hobo: What?! Why the fuck would I do that? I didn't do that!
Employee: We saw you do it!


Overheard by: Tori Galloway, AMDA Student


Girl: She just sent me a text with a frowny face. A fucking frowny face! That's it?! That's all I get?! A fucking frowny face?!
Guy: That's not cool.

–42nd St & Madison Ave

Overheard by: Samah

We're Not Touching This One.

Little boy: I'm a moron!
Mother: No, honey, it's 'Mormon.' But yes, you are.

–106th & West End

Overheard by: Julia S

But It's in the Zagat Guide!

Girl #1: I just want someone to love me!
Girl #2: I love you!
Girl #1: But will you lick my pussy?
Girl #2: No.
Girl #1: I rest my case.

–S'MAC – Sarita's Macaroni & Cheese

Overheard by: Bruce Lee

“We Will Never…Um…”

Man: Miss, sorry, can you tell me what is the way to go to Ground Zero?
Waitress: Ground Zero?
Man: Yeah, Ground Zero!
Waitress: What the hell is Ground Zero?

–Times Square

Baby Got No-Back

Receptionist: What's in the package?
Office worker: It's a full denim jumpsuit with the back cut out.
Receptionist: What's it for?
Office worker: A baby shower. I wanted to wear something, you know…
Receptionist: Sophisticated.

–Wall Street Office

Overheard by: thecaitd