Archive for December, 2011

It Totally Should

Four-year-old girl in elevator: What floor are you going to?
Woman in elevator: PH, the penthouse.
Four-year-old girl: Ohhh, I thought that stood for pool house!

–22nd & Broadway

Overheard by: Yeah, I wish


It's Also Not So Glorious.

Woman friend #1: Unbelievable! I finally got my period. Right now, of all times.
Woman friend #2: It's no longer a bloodless revolution!

–Zuccotti Park


…I'm No Slut

Stupid girl #1: You know she has three baby daddies?
Stupid girl #2: Wow, that's crazyyyy!! (pause) The most I would have is like two.

–Best Buy Bathroom, Union Square

Overheard by: Katherine


God, I Miss The Hills.

Girl #1: You know what I always have problems with? “Effort” and “affort.”
Girl #2: Yeah…
Girl #1: I can never remember which one to use.
Girl #2: Wait… Do you mean “effect”?

–1 Train


God Bless the Post-Factual USA

Immigrant cashier: You look very young. Are you a freshman?
NYU girl: My fake says I'm 23.
Immigrant cashier: My fake American passport says I'm 30.

–Coffee Shop, St. Mark's

Overheard by: Bruce Lee


Why This Is School, Nor Am I Out Of It

Airhead girl, to guy: But can't like, the President just like, tell them all to go home? Doesn't he have the right to do that?
Guy, looking at his watch: Shouldn't you be in school right now?

–L Train

Overheard by: Like, the President


Come With Me to Taco Bell

Girl #1, dramatic: Would you rather be burned alive, or forced to eat human excrement?
Girl #2: Can I get both?

–Queens


Righty and Lefty Would Like to Meet Adele

Man: Do you ever have a pair of shoes you just want to… walk in?
Woman: I kind of thought that was the point of shoes. And, no: I hate shoes. If I didn't have to wear them, I wouldn't.
Man: I don't know. I love these so much I could name them.
Woman: I named my computer when I was in college. It was a Dell, so I called it “Adele.”

–Metropolitan Museum of Art