Archive for December, 2011

It's Also Not So Glorious.

Woman friend #1: Unbelievable! I finally got my period. Right now, of all times.
Woman friend #2: It's no longer a bloodless revolution! –Zuccotti Park


…I'm No Slut

Stupid girl #1: You know she has three baby daddies?
Stupid girl #2: Wow, that's crazyyyy!! (pause) The most I would have is like two. –Best Buy Bathroom, Union Square Overheard by: Katherine


God, I Miss The Hills.

Girl #1: You know what I always have problems with? “Effort” and “affort.”
Girl #2: Yeah…
Girl #1: I can never remember which one to use.
Girl #2: Wait… Do you mean “effect”? –1 Train


God Bless the Post-Factual USA

Immigrant cashier: You look very young. Are you a freshman?
NYU girl: My fake says I'm 23.
Immigrant cashier: My fake American passport says I'm 30. –Coffee Shop, St. Mark's Overheard by: Bruce Lee


Why This Is School, Nor Am I Out Of It

Airhead girl, to guy: But can't like, the President just like, tell them all to go home? Doesn't he have the right to do that?
Guy, looking at his watch: Shouldn't you be in school right now? –L Train Overheard by: Like, the President


Come With Me to Taco Bell

Girl #1, dramatic: Would you rather be burned alive, or forced to eat human excrement?
Girl #2: Can I get both? –Queens


Righty and Lefty Would Like to Meet Adele

Man: Do you ever have a pair of shoes you just want to… walk in?
Woman: I kind of thought that was the point of shoes. And, no: I hate shoes. If I didn't have to wear them, I wouldn't.
Man: I don't know. I love these so much I could name them.
Woman: I named my computer when I was in college. It was a Dell, so I called it “Adele.” –Metropolitan Museum of Art


From Outer Space, Actually

Dude: I didn't realize until later that night that she called me a bastard because I don't have a dad.
Hot girl: Wait… What do you mean?
Dude: I thought she was just calling me a bastard because that's the word she chose randomly. I realized later that she was talking about my dad.
Hot girl: I still don't get it.
Dude: The word bastard used to be used to describe kids that were born when a guy cheated on his wife or something. She called me that because I don't have a dad.
Hot girl: But I don't understand how you can't have a dad… Unless you were a test tube baby or something. (eyes widen) Are you a test tube baby? –L Train Overheard by: Tim


The Friends-With-Benefits Virtuous Cycle

Obnoxious hipster girlfriend: That's all I want from you: sleeping, eating, and fucking.
Subservient hipster boyfriend: In that order? –72nd St & Central Park West