Archive for 2011

Low-Rise Wednesday One-Liners

Waspy male NYU student in hushed voice: No, mom, I do not want you to send me my man thong! –Central Park Overheard by: Sarah Laughing woman to cop: And then I told him I'd put curry in his underwear! –TD Bank, 52nd & 3rd Woman on phone: So you should bring a suit and jacket. (pause) Yes you must bring socks. (pause) I guess underwear is optional. –E 86th St Overheard by: comando suit 30-something chick on phone: Jen sent her a burka from Afghanistan and I was like "Yeah, remember this isn't a kilt–you gotta wear panties under that shit." –7 Train Overheard by: talker's remorse

Wednesday Doesn't Want a Whole Bunch Of Little One-Liners Running Around

College girl: Why would I show my condom collection to my mother? –E 14th St Guy selling Obama condoms: It's a election, erection, collection for your protection. –Times Square Girl, stopping in the middle of crowded street, yelling into phone: Wait! How much did your NuvaRing cost? –Outside Grand Central Statioin Preppie boy to preppie girl: Well, it was really good until the condom broke. –Columbus Circle Overheard by: emily Girl to boyfriend frantically searching Plan B: Slow down! Geez, we have 72 hours… –Duane Reade Overheard by: Jules

All the Best-Looking Ones Are Either Wednesdays or One-Liners

Guy on phone: Where is he? What? He's dead? He died? What? He's gay? I though you said that he died! Everyone knows he's gay! Are you crying because he's gay-gay? –Q Train Overheard by: Claire Girl: She's so far in the closet she can see Narnia. –Bard High School, Queens Overheard by: Sunny 30-something Asian girl to friend: Actually, Mardi Gras is for gays as well, right? –3rd Ave & 13th St Male dancer to two female dancers: I feel like I've brought down the mood. How about this? I'm gay and you're fabulous. Is that better? –13th St & Broadway Overheard by: Morgan NYPD officer: I wanna fuck a gay guy. –Times Square

A Tall Drink O' Wedneday One-Liner

Man on cell: I started Jamba Juice night, and I can end it! –GMHC Building Guy on cell: What about poison? Clear poison? Mix a little in her Diet Coke. –Central Park Male barista to another: Girrrl, I just had two Red Bulls. Do you see how big my eyes are right now? I'm messed up! –Starbucks Fireman leaving Duane Reade holding soda: Don't buy soda in there, it's really expensive. –Broadway & 103rd St Teenage guy, walking in store with two pet snakes wrapped around his shoulders: I want a snake-a-lotta! (everyone ignores him, and he walks out) –The Bronx

Just Wait 'til They Learn to Send Pictures.

Teen girl #1: Grandparents should not send text messages. What does that even say?
Teen girl #2, reading message: I'm guessing that word there means 'vodka.' Wait, what? –2nd Ave & 34th Street

Does This Sound Like Your Mother? (It Sounds Like Ours)

Daughter: Everyone else is crossing the street. Why can't we?
Mother: See that car coming? It's not going to stop, and all these people are going to get run over and die. –Broadway & 34th St Overheard by: the kid that got run over

And the Turban Is Supposed to Be Ironic!

Large black man on Bluetooth to androgynous hipster reading book: Yo! Now don't you go readin' about Al Qaeda, man!
Androgynous hipster, removing big headphones: Hmm? Who, me?
Large black man on Bluetooth: Yeah, you. You fucking terrorist, readin' Al Qaeda.
Androgynous hipster, showing him the cover: What the fuck, dude, this book is about vegetarianism!
Large black man on Bluetooth: Psh. Saaaaaame shit. Same fuckin shit. –43rd & 8th Overheard by: Jae Y