Archive for 2011

Work Day One-Liners

Flabbergasted college girl to friend: I didn't get home until 6 am. There were people dressed up and on their way to work! Did you know there are people who start their day that early? –Union Square Champion for the homeless, speaking loudly inside crowded train: By a show of hands, does anyone on this train like their job? (pause) Only one person? –F Train Douchey hipster guy to girls: If you work– which I don't… –Park Slope Overheard by: Ladle Ten-year-old boy: Mommy! I have a job! I am not having a nervous breakdown! Fuck you! –114th St & Broadway Overheard by: Erik Woman holding baby to friend: The only reason why I haven't ripped my husband's head off for not helping me around the house is because he worked 70 hours this week. –Astoria Overheard by: Michael

Wednesday One-Liners for Meredith Brooks

Girl to boyfriend: So I told that bitch if she's going to be saying shit pertaining to my little brother, I will tear her fucking wig off. –D Train Recent college grad to friends: That girl has a fetish. She dresses like herself and acts like a bitch! –21st & 3rd Overheard by: Brad Woman exiting doors holding many plastic bags, to nobody in particular: New York Penn station bitch! Shut the fuck yo ugly ass up… –Penn Station Overheard by: Michael Morgenstern Woman on phone walking dogs: She is some bitch with an '80s hairdo and all she does is sit in her office making flyers for her heavy metal band. Plus, she's a lesbo… –Central Park Overheard by: chocolate happy Guy on cell: And if I ever fucking see that fucking bitch ass motherfucker again… Hang on, I've got a call on the other line. (pause) Yes, this is Christopher. Oh, hello! It's so nice to hear from you. How have you been? –1st & 1st

Etiquette Lessons?

Woman to friend: Where are all the Jews?
Conservative Jewish boy in front of her, turning around: Hi, is there anything you need? –42nd & Park Overheard by: Kaye

…And I'm the Smart One

Girl #1: I don't know why everyone always tells me I look like my sister.
Girl #2: You do!
Girl #1: I mean, I know we look the same but our personalities are completely different. –LaGuardia Airport

Are All Men Brothers? Discuss.

Hyper redhead: I came here on a date with a guy and within the first ten minutes he was telling me about a dream where he was having anal sex with his brother.
Thoroughly friend-zoned dude: (brief, inaudible response)
Hyper redhead: I know. It's like, why would you bring that up? –20th St & Park Ave