Archive for 2011

I Love My Wednesday, but Oh You One-Liner!

Young black guy on cell: Okay, okay, okay… What if I told you I have another girlfriend… On the side? –New Museum Angry girl on cell: And my other boyfriend is cheating on me with his wife again! –St. Mark's Place Overheard by: Joseph O'Connell Angry woman trying to yell at her husband and not be overheard: You stretched her ass and licked it… Just like you did to me! –Washington Square Park Loud guy on phone: I have a very serious question, and I expect a very serious answer. Did you fuck my girlfriend last night? –Union Square Overheard by: Mimi 50-something guy to another: That's why I never cheat on my wife, because I know I'd get caught. I just wish she wasn't getting so fat. –Outside Essex House Overheard by: NewNewYorker

The Little Wednesday One-Liner That Could

Conductor: For reasons known only to the sadists who run the MTA, this downtown d train will be making all local stops to 59th Street. –D Train Conductor: 125th Street, next stop is 116, stand clear of the closing doors. (more quietly) You know, I'm kinda thirsty. –Downtown C Train MTA employee: This is the last stop on the q train. Please take all of your personal belongings… and don't forget your children. –Coney Island Overheard by: Victoria Train driver, announcing last stop: This is it. There is no more… Nothing else. –Times Square Subway Station Overheard by: NYCQ

Wednesday One-Liners Will Cut a Bitch.

Middle schooler on field trip: Oh my god, we're gonna get knifed. –Times Square Woman on cell: Do you have any chainsaws I can borrow? –38th & 2nd Harley Davidson dude to another: So I stabbed that guy, and that guy, and then that guy. –7th St & Bedford Ave Overheard by: NYCQ Woman on cell: Today is not the day. I can't come to 14th Street or I'll stab you. –42nd St & Ave of the Americas Overheard by: Matthew

The Child Is the Father Of the Wednesday One-Liner

Flamboyant hipster Latino to straight-looking Latino boyfriend: Someday he'll call you daddy, and then all hell is gonna break loose. –Ave C & 16th St Lady to nine-year-old boy: I hate to tell you, but your dad is in jail. He owes me a lot of money! –R Train Guy on cell: Yeah, look, I told you. Your bail was set at $18,000. The bail bondsman wants 10%. Where the fuck am I supposed to get $1,800 to bail your sorry ass out of jail? (pause) Yeah, I love you too, dad. –33rd St b/w 7th & 8th Ave Overheard by: Jason FedEx delivery guy on cell: How the hell did Halle Berry get pregnant without me being the father? –Spruce St Overheard by: janine