Archive for 2011

Figures That the Chicken Lady Went to Barnard

Barnard girl #1: No, if he gave birth to babies, he's not a man.
Barnard girl #2: Yes he is! He identifies as a man!
Barnard girl #1: I can identify as whatever the hell I want, that doesn't make it true. Watch. I'm a chicken. Poof! See? It didn't work.

–116th St

Overheard by: Barnard Bear


Right Up My Broadway, Sweetie

Hipster theater chick: Seriously, I have like the best vagina of anyone I know. I have the Idina Menzel of vaginas.
Hipster chick's friend: What does that even mean?
Hipster theater chick: You know Idina Menzel. Big lips, big mouth, sings like she's having an orgasm. That's my vagina. It's called “Idina.”
Hipster chick's friend: Isn't she the one who played The Green Witch? So your vagina's green?
Hipster theater chick: Shut up. It's not green. It's the Broadway of vaginas, I tell you!
Hipster chick's friend: Who names their vagina after a green witch? You're so fucked up..

–American Airlines Theater

Overheard by: Hannah


See, This Is Why You're in Advanced Placement Classes.

Girl #1: My dad's Facebook picture is of my sister's dog, so whenever he calls me, a photo of the dog shows up and I always want to be like “Rah! Woof!” when I answer it.
Girl #2: You should make the ringtone a dog barking! So it's like it's real that the dog is calling you!

–Chelsea

Overheard by: Katherine


Um, Star?

Girl #1: Yeah, the building's pre-war.
Girl #2, deadpan: Which war?

–Soho


Tonight on BallBusters

Guido: I want to see if I can kick his balls through his hat.
Girl: Through his hat?
Guido: Yeah, they'd have to go through his brain and skull first, though.
Guy #1: I'm pretty sure they'd get stuck like halfway through his abdomen.
Guy #2: They'd probably burst, actually.

–A Train

Overheard by: Brian


On the Plus Side, You Know How to Divide Your Legs.

Girl #1: How do you find the area of a triangle again?
Girl #2: Add the bottom and top sides and multiply the sum by the height. Then divide everything by two.
Girl #1: Oh yeah! I can't believe I forgot that, I'm so stupid. Thanks!

–Fordham University, Lincoln Center

Overheard by: Celia Kim


Ms. Potter Is Kiln Herself

Indie guy #1: Yeah, man, the lady in the computer lab at school is weird.
Indie guy #2: How so?
Indie guy #1: She told me she hasn't been to sleep in two days… And her eyebrows were singed.

–Central Park


The Man Says What We're All Thinking

PA announcement: The MTA would like to remind you that if you see something, say something.
MTA employee, muttering to self: If you see somethin, say nothin', then run like hell.

–Penn Station


After a Day Of Dealing with Park Slope Kids, We'd Be Snotty Too.

Woman: Excuse me, do you have any Indian princess costumes?
Clerk, with super snotty tone: All of our Native American costumes are over there.
Woman: But do you have any Indian princess costumes?
Clerk: These are all of our Native American costumes.
Woman: You don't have any Indian costumes?
Clerk: Do you mean Indian from India?
Woman: Yes.
Clerk: Oh. Well, those are over here.

–Park Slope

Overheard by: elainemonkey