Archive for 2011

Despite What You May Have Heard.

Lady to usher: Do you know where the lady's room is?
Usher: I don't know, I've never been there.

–Madison Square Garden

Overheard by: Marc Klein


(He's Talking About Her Period!!!)

Asian guy to friend, watching classmate: Stupid kid made his mom late and missed the train.
White guy: It's not the first time he made her late!

–Downtown N Train


Wednesday Little-One Liners

Woman in coffee shop: I mean, I would love to not spank… my kids. But with Cassius, I just had no choice. He just… he just… there was nothing we could do.

–Grand & Clinton

Conductor, holding seven-year-old's hand: Attention passengers. Will the female who left her child on the platform please come towards the conductor's position.

–R Train

Overheard by: Monroe110

Woman to herself: Where the fuck I left my kids at, yo?

–Baseball Park, Bed-Stuy

Man to group of friends: I don't know much about Battery Park… What I do know is that I can't find my kids.

–Battery Park

Crackhead: I got six kids, three baby mommas, and another one on the way. I must be doing something right.

–A Train


One-Liners Are Saving Themselves for Wednesday

Guy to tourist girl: Guuuuuurl! You walk like a virgin!

–40/40 Club

Overheard by: Jordan

Black man to fat black woman: And that's why your vagina is tighter than a virgin's!

–Bowery & Bleeker

Girl walking away from mass pillow fight: I feel like I lost my virginity like, eight times.

–Union Square

Young man to friends, in scholarly tone: In 2011 a virgin is just someone who thinks they haven't had sex.

–6 Train

Overheard by: Blind Girl On Train

Woman complaining to guy: The bastard wouldn't even take my virginity, it's the least he could do!

–21st & 6th


We're All a Couple Of Paychecks Away from Being Wednesday One-Liners

Hobo to passing man: Hey asshole, got any fucking change?

–10th St & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: Special K

Hobo: It's not Thailand that's burning, it's Wall Street. The reason the dog bites the mailman is to stop the bills. It's not Thailand.

–53rd St & 5th Ave

Overheard by: A. Reno

Hobo: I'm not homeless, I'm just kind of broke.

–G Train

Overheard by: MelisaBS

Hobo to teen girls walking on grates in heels: Be careful, Spice Girls! Don't fall!

–Times Square

Hobo to police car: Taxi, taxi!

–6th Ave & Houston

Hobo: Next stop, 42nd Street. 42nd Street used to be a nice place for the whole family to smoke crack together, but Giuliani got jealous and cleaned it up. Now you know what's there? Tourists. Non-crack-smokin' tourists, with their little click-click, takin' the pictures. No more crack on 42nd Street, and it's a damn shame.

–E Train


All God's Wednesday One-Liners Got Wings

Little black boy: You say Star Trek is better than Star Wars, dad? I'm sorry. They don't even have lightsabers. No, dad. I'm sorry.

–Staten Island Ferry

Overheard by: Rachel Alicia

Little boy playing outside: It's a good thing I don't have testicles!

–Lewis Ave & Bainbridge St

Little girl: But why does the weasel go pop?

–Virage, 7th St & 2nd Ave

Kid, looking at empty table without chairs: Look, dad! We can sit on the floor!

–Coldstone Creamery

Overheard by: Kristina

Small boy, screaming and running away from mother: But mom! I have to empty my bladder!

–JFK Baggage Claim


A Smorgasbord Of Wednesday One-Liners

Guy to scowling girlfriend: You gotta open your mind every once in a while… Not everything can be about olives.

–St. Mark's

Overheard by: But sometimes it can

Woman to friend in subway: You have to start cooking now, so by the time you're ready to poison his food, it won't be suspicious.

–Q Train

Man in heavy Arabic accent to man in van: Rice and beans! Rice and beans!

–32nd & 6th

Overheard by: erkala

Bro to others: Hands up those who have no idea what you just ordered.

–Kyo Ya Restaurant

Middle-aged woman sitting on park bench eating KFC, after throwing piece to a duck: Ahhahhaa, eat yourself!

–Central Park

Overheard by: Molly Clover


A Shitload Of Wednesday One-Liners

Guy on cell: I know people that have just cut the bottom off their t-shirt and pooped into that…

–Broadway & W 25th St

Woman to friend, waiting for light to change: Yes, girl! These damn Activia had my shit wrecked yesterday!

–Park Slope

Girl on cell: Tasha tried it, but she shit to much.

–Broadway & 102nd St

Woman on bus, shouting to bus driver: Fuck! I have to shit! Hurry, I have to shit!

–X10 Bus

Middle aged guy to: Yeah man, the best place to take a dump in high school was at the stadium behind the bleachers.

–71st & Columbus

Overheard by: This Charming Man

20-something to friend: And you know, he pooped on my pillow.

–Gramercy

Mailwoman on cell: Did a pigeon shit on your head, yet?

–Park Ave & 97th


Nobody Puts Baby in the Wednesday One-Liner!

Guy to another: It's kind of like when I was fucking that pregnant chick…

–Union Square

Overheard by: kylie & drew

Young woman on cell: I can't wait 'til I'm pregnant, so I can start having babies and shit.

–Battery Park

Overheard by: Chris K.

Pregnant woman to friend: Sometimes I look at him and it's like he's pregnant!

–Broadway & Prince

Overheard by: Hipster

Pregnant lady to man cutting in front of her: Hey! Gestating here!

–Port Authority

Angry man yelling on cell: That bitch told me come to yo' baby shower. I ain't stupid, ho. That mean you pregnant.

–St Mark's & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Elan


Every Episode Of Jersey Shore, in a Nutshell.

Junior boy #1: Ugh, ever since Drake's song girls think it's okay to wear sweats, no makeup, and have there hair tied.
Junior boy #2: Word, we need to keep our bitches in line if they don't look hot.

–Leon M. Goldstien High School