Archive for 2011

Despite What You May Have Heard.

Lady to usher: Do you know where the lady's room is?
Usher: I don't know, I've never been there.

–Madison Square Garden

Overheard by: Marc Klein


(He's Talking About Her Period!!!)

Asian guy to friend, watching classmate: Stupid kid made his mom late and missed the train.
White guy: It's not the first time he made her late!

–Downtown N Train


Wednesday Little-One Liners

Woman in coffee shop: I mean, I would love to not spank… my kids. But with Cassius, I just had no choice. He just… he just… there was nothing we could do.

–Grand & Clinton

Conductor, holding seven-year-old's hand: Attention passengers. Will the female who left her child on the platform please come towards the conductor's position.

–R Train

Overheard by: Monroe110

Woman to herself: Where the fuck I left my kids at, yo?

–Baseball Park, Bed-Stuy

Man to group of friends: I don't know much about Battery Park… What I do know is that I can't find my kids.

–Battery Park

Crackhead: I got six kids, three baby mommas, and another one on the way. I must be doing something right.

–A Train


One-Liners Are Saving Themselves for Wednesday

Guy to tourist girl: Guuuuuurl! You walk like a virgin!

–40/40 Club

Overheard by: Jordan

Black man to fat black woman: And that's why your vagina is tighter than a virgin's!

–Bowery & Bleeker

Girl walking away from mass pillow fight: I feel like I lost my virginity like, eight times.

–Union Square

Young man to friends, in scholarly tone: In 2011 a virgin is just someone who thinks they haven't had sex.

–6 Train

Overheard by: Blind Girl On Train

Woman complaining to guy: The bastard wouldn't even take my virginity, it's the least he could do!

–21st & 6th


We're All a Couple Of Paychecks Away from Being Wednesday One-Liners

Hobo to passing man: Hey asshole, got any fucking change?

–10th St & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: Special K

Hobo: It's not Thailand that's burning, it's Wall Street. The reason the dog bites the mailman is to stop the bills. It's not Thailand.

–53rd St & 5th Ave

Overheard by: A. Reno

Hobo: I'm not homeless, I'm just kind of broke.

–G Train

Overheard by: MelisaBS

Hobo to teen girls walking on grates in heels: Be careful, Spice Girls! Don't fall!

–Times Square

Hobo to police car: Taxi, taxi!

–6th Ave & Houston

Hobo: Next stop, 42nd Street. 42nd Street used to be a nice place for the whole family to smoke crack together, but Giuliani got jealous and cleaned it up. Now you know what's there? Tourists. Non-crack-smokin' tourists, with their little click-click, takin' the pictures. No more crack on 42nd Street, and it's a damn shame.

–E Train


All God's Wednesday One-Liners Got Wings

Little black boy: You say Star Trek is better than Star Wars, dad? I'm sorry. They don't even have lightsabers. No, dad. I'm sorry.

–Staten Island Ferry

Overheard by: Rachel Alicia

Little boy playing outside: It's a good thing I don't have testicles!

–Lewis Ave & Bainbridge St

Little girl: But why does the weasel go pop?

–Virage, 7th St & 2nd Ave

Kid, looking at empty table without chairs: Look, dad! We can sit on the floor!

–Coldstone Creamery

Overheard by: Kristina

Small boy, screaming and running away from mother: But mom! I have to empty my bladder!

–JFK Baggage Claim


A Shitload Of Wednesday One-Liners

Guy on cell: I know people that have just cut the bottom off their t-shirt and pooped into that…

–Broadway & W 25th St

Woman to friend, waiting for light to change: Yes, girl! These damn Activia had my shit wrecked yesterday!

–Park Slope

Girl on cell: Tasha tried it, but she shit to much.

–Broadway & 102nd St

Woman on bus, shouting to bus driver: Fuck! I have to shit! Hurry, I have to shit!

–X10 Bus

Middle aged guy to: Yeah man, the best place to take a dump in high school was at the stadium behind the bleachers.

–71st & Columbus

Overheard by: This Charming Man

20-something to friend: And you know, he pooped on my pillow.

–Gramercy

Mailwoman on cell: Did a pigeon shit on your head, yet?

–Park Ave & 97th


Nobody Puts Baby in the Wednesday One-Liner!

Guy to another: It's kind of like when I was fucking that pregnant chick…

–Union Square

Overheard by: kylie & drew

Young woman on cell: I can't wait 'til I'm pregnant, so I can start having babies and shit.

–Battery Park

Overheard by: Chris K.

Pregnant woman to friend: Sometimes I look at him and it's like he's pregnant!

–Broadway & Prince

Overheard by: Hipster

Pregnant lady to man cutting in front of her: Hey! Gestating here!

–Port Authority

Angry man yelling on cell: That bitch told me come to yo' baby shower. I ain't stupid, ho. That mean you pregnant.

–St Mark's & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Elan


Every Episode Of Jersey Shore, in a Nutshell.

Junior boy #1: Ugh, ever since Drake's song girls think it's okay to wear sweats, no makeup, and have there hair tied.
Junior boy #2: Word, we need to keep our bitches in line if they don't look hot.

–Leon M. Goldstien High School