Archive for 2011

Wednesday Little-One Liners

Woman in coffee shop: I mean, I would love to not spank… my kids. But with Cassius, I just had no choice. He just… he just… there was nothing we could do. –Grand & Clinton Conductor, holding seven-year-old's hand: Attention passengers. Will the female who left her child on the platform please come towards the conductor's position. –R Train Overheard by: Monroe110 Woman to herself: Where the fuck I left my kids at, yo? –Baseball Park, Bed-Stuy Man to group of friends: I don't know much about Battery Park… What I do know is that I can't find my kids. –Battery Park Crackhead: I got six kids, three baby mommas, and another one on the way. I must be doing something right. –A Train

One-Liners Are Saving Themselves for Wednesday

Guy to tourist girl: Guuuuuurl! You walk like a virgin! –40/40 Club Overheard by: Jordan Black man to fat black woman: And that's why your vagina is tighter than a virgin's! –Bowery & Bleeker Girl walking away from mass pillow fight: I feel like I lost my virginity like, eight times. –Union Square Young man to friends, in scholarly tone: In 2011 a virgin is just someone who thinks they haven't had sex. –6 Train Overheard by: Blind Girl On Train Woman complaining to guy: The bastard wouldn't even take my virginity, it's the least he could do! –21st & 6th

We're All a Couple Of Paychecks Away from Being Wednesday One-Liners

Hobo to passing man: Hey asshole, got any fucking change? –10th St & 2nd Ave Overheard by: Special K Hobo: It's not Thailand that's burning, it's Wall Street. The reason the dog bites the mailman is to stop the bills. It's not Thailand. –53rd St & 5th Ave Overheard by: A. Reno Hobo: I'm not homeless, I'm just kind of broke. –G Train Overheard by: MelisaBS Hobo to teen girls walking on grates in heels: Be careful, Spice Girls! Don't fall! –Times Square Hobo to police car: Taxi, taxi! –6th Ave & Houston Hobo: Next stop, 42nd Street. 42nd Street used to be a nice place for the whole family to smoke crack together, but Giuliani got jealous and cleaned it up. Now you know what's there? Tourists. Non-crack-smokin' tourists, with their little click-click, takin' the pictures. No more crack on 42nd Street, and it's a damn shame. –E Train

All God's Wednesday One-Liners Got Wings

Little black boy: You say Star Trek is better than Star Wars, dad? I'm sorry. They don't even have lightsabers. No, dad. I'm sorry. –Staten Island Ferry Overheard by: Rachel Alicia Little boy playing outside: It's a good thing I don't have testicles! –Lewis Ave & Bainbridge St Little girl: But why does the weasel go pop? –Virage, 7th St & 2nd Ave Kid, looking at empty table without chairs: Look, dad! We can sit on the floor! –Coldstone Creamery Overheard by: Kristina Small boy, screaming and running away from mother: But mom! I have to empty my bladder! –JFK Baggage Claim

A Shitload Of Wednesday One-Liners

Guy on cell: I know people that have just cut the bottom off their t-shirt and pooped into that… –Broadway & W 25th St Woman to friend, waiting for light to change: Yes, girl! These damn Activia had my shit wrecked yesterday! –Park Slope Girl on cell: Tasha tried it, but she shit to much. –Broadway & 102nd St Woman on bus, shouting to bus driver: Fuck! I have to shit! Hurry, I have to shit! –X10 Bus Middle aged guy to: Yeah man, the best place to take a dump in high school was at the stadium behind the bleachers. –71st & Columbus Overheard by: This Charming Man 20-something to friend: And you know, he pooped on my pillow. –Gramercy Mailwoman on cell: Did a pigeon shit on your head, yet? –Park Ave & 97th

Nobody Puts Baby in the Wednesday One-Liner!

Guy to another: It's kind of like when I was fucking that pregnant chick… –Union Square Overheard by: kylie & drew Young woman on cell: I can't wait 'til I'm pregnant, so I can start having babies and shit. –Battery Park Overheard by: Chris K. Pregnant woman to friend: Sometimes I look at him and it's like he's pregnant! –Broadway & Prince Overheard by: Hipster Pregnant lady to man cutting in front of her: Hey! Gestating here! –Port Authority Angry man yelling on cell: That bitch told me come to yo' baby shower. I ain't stupid, ho. That mean you pregnant. –St Mark's & 3rd Ave Overheard by: Elan

Every Episode Of Jersey Shore, in a Nutshell.

Junior boy #1: Ugh, ever since Drake's song girls think it's okay to wear sweats, no makeup, and have there hair tied.
Junior boy #2: Word, we need to keep our bitches in line if they don't look hot. –Leon M. Goldstien High School