Archive for 2011

Wednesday One-Liner — As Seen in Coming to America

Little British girl: Mummy, I absolutely love Queens. It is like being in the city, but you are really still in the countryside!


Overheard by: has actually been to the countryside

Hipster to hipster friends: I could never live in a place called Queens.

–Ave B & E 4th St


Conductor: You may also transfer here to the g train to Queens. Queens, which was named after Freddie Mercury.

–F Train

Loud recently released passenger: I love Queens. Love Queens. I don't want to be locked up anywhere but Queens.

–Metro North Rail

Overheard by: bunbury

Wednesday One-Landfills

Woman to child: Hold my hand, we're not in Staten Island anymore.

–Park Slope

Overheard by: Bella

Crazy guy on bus: This is for the public! This is for the public! When's the last time you been to Staten Island? Seriously, when's the last time any of you been to Staten Island? Think about it!

–N6 Bus

Overheard by: not from staten island

NYU girl to friends: I didn't know Staten Island was, like, a real island. Do people actually live there?

–F Train

Young Italian kid: Anywhere important in Staten Island has a Wendy's next to it.

–Spumoni Gardens, Brooklyn

Overheard by: T.T.

Late teens punk girl, loudly: Hell no, I'm not going to Staten Island… What the fuck is there? All they have there are young, unwed girls like you!


The Most Talked-About Wednesday One-Liners Of the Season!

Cheap suit on phone: Make conversation? All you guys fucking talk about is bowel movements and the reporting thereof!

–Spring St & Cleveland Pl

Overheard by: Neilium

20-something hot chick on cell: I'm talking about a dog, Sean. Not a penis.

–C Train

Scandalized woman to husband: And they just kept talking about jizz!

–E Train

Woman on cell: I can't talk about somebody being sexy while you talk about my vagina?

–37th & 7th Ave

Overheard by: Mondo Man

Real Wednesday One-Liners Don't Smile

Thug, yelling to mother and kids walking away: Nah, kids don't scare me off. I love kids. I plan on getting like tree-four women pregnant by this summer.

–Nostrand Ave, Bed-Stuy

Overheard by: rick

Thug: Damn. You gotta go all the way downtown just to get a slice of fucking red velvet.

–Brookdale Hospital, Brooklyn

Thug teen: Yo, if I'ma pay six bucks for a meal, that shit better be grand.

–R Train

Overheard by: Jon A.

Thug yelling to group: I don't care who hears this! Redheads fuck like black chicks!

–7th Ave

Thug: You fuckin' motherfucker! (pause, then regretfully) I love you.

–Times Square

Overheard by: Brotha'Love

In Person, Toucan Sam Is Kind Of an Asshole.

6-year-old girl in cereal aisle: There isn't salt in cereal!
9-year-old brother: Well, apparently you haven't heard of refining and what they do to make it taste better! Duh! They add sugar and salt! You're dumb and that one's gross.

–Whole Foods

Overheard by: Joli

And I Didn't Even Hit You

Plastered Asian guy to Asian girl: Your vagina is vibrating! We're having a poor man's abortion!

–7 Train

It's Tough to Keep a Marriage Afloat, People.

Woman: I have an idea. Why don't you tell your wife you want to renew your vows, then take her on a cruise and push her overboard.
Man: If it was that easy, baby, a lot more people would be taking cruises.

–Uptown 6 Train

Overheard by: Carolyn