Archive for 2011

Wednesday One-Liner — As Seen in Coming to America

Little British girl: Mummy, I absolutely love Queens. It is like being in the city, but you are really still in the countryside!

–Astoria

Overheard by: has actually been to the countryside

Hipster to hipster friends: I could never live in a place called Queens.

–Ave B & E 4th St

Overheard by: PROUD QUEENS NATIVE…

Conductor: You may also transfer here to the g train to Queens. Queens, which was named after Freddie Mercury.

–F Train

Loud recently released passenger: I love Queens. Love Queens. I don't want to be locked up anywhere but Queens.

–Metro North Rail

Overheard by: bunbury


Wednesday One-Landfills

Woman to child: Hold my hand, we're not in Staten Island anymore.

–Park Slope

Overheard by: Bella

Crazy guy on bus: This is for the public! This is for the public! When's the last time you been to Staten Island? Seriously, when's the last time any of you been to Staten Island? Think about it!

–N6 Bus

Overheard by: not from staten island

NYU girl to friends: I didn't know Staten Island was, like, a real island. Do people actually live there?

–F Train

Young Italian kid: Anywhere important in Staten Island has a Wendy's next to it.

–Spumoni Gardens, Brooklyn

Overheard by: T.T.

Late teens punk girl, loudly: Hell no, I'm not going to Staten Island… What the fuck is there? All they have there are young, unwed girls like you!

–Walgreens


The Most Talked-About Wednesday One-Liners Of the Season!

Cheap suit on phone: Make conversation? All you guys fucking talk about is bowel movements and the reporting thereof!

–Spring St & Cleveland Pl

Overheard by: Neilium

20-something hot chick on cell: I'm talking about a dog, Sean. Not a penis.

–C Train

Scandalized woman to husband: And they just kept talking about jizz!

–E Train

Woman on cell: I can't talk about somebody being sexy while you talk about my vagina?

–37th & 7th Ave

Overheard by: Mondo Man


Wednesdosama Bin-Liners

Indian kid: I feel like some Muslim guy is going to come up to me and say "you know the plan."

–49th & 8th

Overheard by: Alex

Woman: You know, when you fly, you're putting a big risk on your life, what with the terrorists.

–23rd St & 9th Ave

Overheard by: Remix Design

Drunk guy, after Times Square evacuation: She said "look, they're shooting a movie!" and I said "no, stupid, they're shooting terrorists!"

–Broadway

Overheard by: Angela BC

Hobo wearing shirt on head: Autographs $1, Osama Bin Laden.

–Central Park

Little girl, reading slowly: "If you see something, say something." That doesn't even mean anything!

–A Train

Overheard by: Kenzi


Real Wednesday One-Liners Don't Smile

Thug, yelling to mother and kids walking away: Nah, kids don't scare me off. I love kids. I plan on getting like tree-four women pregnant by this summer.

–Nostrand Ave, Bed-Stuy

Overheard by: rick

Thug: Damn. You gotta go all the way downtown just to get a slice of fucking red velvet.

–Brookdale Hospital, Brooklyn

Thug teen: Yo, if I'ma pay six bucks for a meal, that shit better be grand.

–R Train

Overheard by: Jon A.

Thug yelling to group: I don't care who hears this! Redheads fuck like black chicks!

–7th Ave

Thug: You fuckin' motherfucker! (pause, then regretfully) I love you.

–Times Square

Overheard by: Brotha'Love


Can and Will

Female biker: Well, I have a water bottle, so I should be okay for awhile.
Male biker: Can you make a bong out of that?

–Central Park

Overheard by: Busybody biker


In Person, Toucan Sam Is Kind Of an Asshole.

6-year-old girl in cereal aisle: There isn't salt in cereal!
9-year-old brother: Well, apparently you haven't heard of refining and what they do to make it taste better! Duh! They add sugar and salt! You're dumb and that one's gross.

–Whole Foods

Overheard by: Joli


And I Didn't Even Hit You

Plastered Asian guy to Asian girl: Your vagina is vibrating! We're having a poor man's abortion!

–7 Train


It's Tough to Keep a Marriage Afloat, People.

Woman: I have an idea. Why don't you tell your wife you want to renew your vows, then take her on a cruise and push her overboard.
Man: If it was that easy, baby, a lot more people would be taking cruises.

–Uptown 6 Train

Overheard by: Carolyn