Archive for 2011

Really? Wow, It's Amazing What Science Is Doing These Days!

Woman #1 in elevator: Awww, your dog is cute. That's a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel, right?
Woman #2: Yeah.
Woman #1: They are such sweet dogs… My friend has one.
Woman #2: Yeah, he's definitely a little lover.
Woman #1: Hmm, are they more common as girls or boys?
Woman #2, blinking and fighting back laughter: They come in both.

–23rd & 10th

Oh, Like Sailor Moon?

Husband audience member: What's a stigmata?
Wife audience member: It's when they have a special power.

–Dicapo Opera Theatre

Overheard by: Schedenfreude

America's Netherlands

Overly friendly drunk girl: Is that a Heineken?
Unimpressed guy, in monotone: Yes.
Overly friendly drunk girl: Oh my god! That's my favorite beer.
Unimpressed guy, in monotone: Heineken?
Overly friendly drunk girl: Yeah. Did you know it's made in Wisconsin?
Unimpressed guy, in monotone: I always thought it was from Holland.
Overly friendly drunk girl: Nope. Wisconsin.

–Butterfield 8

What, You've Never Seen Schindler's Litter?

Girl, showing picture of her cat on iPhone: Isn't he so cute and fluffy? I couldn't resist.
Guy #1: Wow, he is really cute. Look at those eyes!
Guy #2: Yeah, he's really photogenic.
Guy #1: Where did you get him?
Girl: The SPCA. And his brothers were there with him. They were already spoken for, just waiting to be picked up, but they weren't as cute. I was like, “what the hell? Why doesn't anyone want him? He's the cutest one!” and the lady working there said (whispers) “well, he's sort of anti-social.”
Guy #3: Oh, I definitely thought you were about to say “anti-semitic.”

–Stuy Town

Do I Want to Know Why You're Asking?

Student #1: How do snakes have sex?
Student #2: I think they're like plants. You know, they just get pregnant. Like from the pole-in… Or… Pollen or whatever.

–Downtown 2 Train

Overheard by: Ambika

For Anyone Who's Ever Wondered What That Blondie Song Was Really About

Latina lady, on Ash Wednesday: You can call me. If my husband picks up, you just tell him you're my cousin. He doesn't get suspicious as long as it's family.
Young black man: Okay.
Latina lady: I can't believe I smoke and drank so much last night, and I still gotta get to church.
(trains doors open, Latina lady gets off)
Latina lady, looking back
: Don't you forget to call me.

Young black man: Okay.

–1 Train

Overheard by: dentalstudent

In Fairness, Sinatra Never Mentioned That New York Has Hobos

20-something girl #1: I hate that I kinda like that new song by Katy Perry–California girls.
20-something girl #2: That bitch is lying. I was just in LA, and the goddamn beach was freezing, and there were nothing but hippies on the boardwalk.
20-something girl #1: I guess… Maybe Katy was trying to help California tourism.

–22nd St & 7th Ave

…I'm a Huge John McCain Fan!

Professor: So we'll have to end class early today, there was a scheduling mix-up… Apparently there's going to be a 'dine-ologue' going on in here.
Student, laughing: I thought you were gonna say 'dinosaur'!
Professor, straight-faced: If there was gonna be a dinosaur in here, we would definitely not be leaving.

–Gallatin Building, Washington Place

Overheard by: Scott

Will You Have My Baby, Sir?

Activist: Sir, do you have a minute for women's rights?
Man: What rights don't you have?
Activist: The right to an abortion.
Man: I don't have that right either. There. We're equal.

–10th St & University Pl

Don't Engage With the Insane, Guys

Strange lady: You're always on my mind.
Teenage guy #1: I don't know.
Strange lady: Elvis Presley! Can you sing?
Teenage guy #1: Not really…
(guy's friend comes out of a store)
Teenage guy #1
: He can.

Strange lady: You're always on my mind. Always on my mind.
Teenage guy #2: What?
Strange lady: Always on my mind. Sing Elvis Presley!
Teenage guy #2: No, he lied to you; I can't sing.
Strange lady: Always on my mind!
Teenage guys: (stunned silence)
Strange lady: Always on my mind…

–5th Ave