Archive for 2011

Got to Get You Into My Wednesday One-Liner

Boy: I need a black Jew in my life.

–Bard High School, Queens

Overheard by: Sunny

Guy about to get on train during morning rush hour, in a defeated tone: This is going to be my life? I hate the fucking subway.

–6 Train

Overheard by: Brizzle

20-something girl: I mean, let's be honest, my biggest accomplishment in the past few weeks is making a profile on Jdate. How do you really think my life is going?

–Westway Diner, 43rd & 9th

Girl on cell: Fine, mom! Then I'll just become a stripper. (pause) No, I won't get into drugs. (pause) I know, this is what it feels like when life kicks you in the teeth.

–West 4th & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Lezbotron


These Wednesday One-Liners Are Totally Staged!!

Girl to friend: Yeah, I'm auditioning for a national tour of A Chorus Line in two weeks. I guess I better learn to sing.

–72nd St & Broadway

Guy with map to blonde tourist friend: And all the shows that are "on Broadway" are actually located on a street called "Broadway." I just learned that.

–M60 Bus

Overheard by: KB

Director to actor: If you miss that entrance again I am going to shit a brick on the stage and throw it at you.

–Piper Theater, Park Slope

Overheard by: Sunny

Kid in line for Shakespeare in the Park tickets: So is this all, like, gonna be in that Shakespeare language?


–Central Park, Delacorte Theatre


Overheard by: Megan


Your Editors Plan to Give Kids' TV a Second Look

Hot girl: I've never seen Josh like this before in my life! I'm about to deck this bitch. I don't even care if she's in fucking Ecuador or wherever the fuck she's from.
Hot ghetto chick: Dora the fuckin Explorer better take backpack and Mr Map and head for the fuckin hills, cuz we goin in!

–Harlem

Overheard by: Monique


The Paleness and Hairiness Are Also Compelling Evidence.

Teen boy: How many citizenships can you have? I want to get the Israeli citizenship, but how do I prove it?
Jewish mom: All you have to do is prove that you are Jewish.
Teen boy: How do I prove that?
Jewish mom: I took a picture of your grandma's headstone when I was in Israel, so that should work.

–L Train


Are You Coming on to Me??

Frat friend: Instead of apple and honey, what if I rang in the Jewish new year with pot and whiskey?
Asian friend: Why not an apple martini?

–Whole Foods, Houston St