Archive for 2011

I'm the Top

Gay guy #1, ready with camera: Look, spring blossoms! Be a spring blossom!
Gay guy #2, suddenly stopping his leaping under a newly flowered tree: I am not a spring blossom, asshole.

–3rd Ave & St. Mark's


That About Wraps It Up

Tourist lady at night: Look at all the lights! There's just something magical about New York.
(steps off curb, looks down) Oh my god! It's a condom!
Random suit behind her
: Magical!


–53rd St & 7th Ave

Overheard by: Butch Manowski


A Crazy Little Thing Called Wednesday One-Liners

Toddler walking with mom: I can't drink any more iced tea. Cause when I drink iced tea, I get crazy.

–1st Ave & 12th St

Overheard by: leshka

Man, yelling: I am not crazy! Do I look crazy? I am not crazy! You don't know me! Where you going? I'm not finished!

–125th & 5th

Middle-aged Hispanic woman to cute younger girl: On a scale of 1 to crazy, he goes all the way over the limit, girl. Trust and believe!

–Houston St

Girl on phone: Dude, that bitch is crazy! What did I tell you about shitting where you eat?
(pause) Well I'm sure she's fine now, but what about when she tries to push someone else into traffic?

–23 & 6th


Wednesday One-Law & Order

Guy at bar: The only times I deserved to get arrested were this time and the second time. The first and third times were bullshit.

–31st & Broadway, Astoria

Junkie: Man, I was almost gay. In jail, I was in the most dangerous corner. Everyone was suckin' our dicks.

–Tompkins Square Park

Overheard by: rpk

Drunk hobo: Ladies and gentlemen, I just got out of prison. If you could spare some change, I would appreciate it.

–Uptown 6 Train

40-something mom to husband: I mean it's one thing for a teacher to do that to a child, but to be arrested on her last day is almost more of a crime!

–Church Ave & Beverly

Overheard by: taylor


Warsday One-Liners

Middle aged lady on cell: I don't care if he brings you flowers every day, you just need to remember what those bastards did to us during the war!

–Post Office

30-something drunk man: Need a seat here! Any of you non-veterans want to give me a seat? I've got 300 confirmed kills at over 1,000 yards. (pause). Well, over 1,000 feet anyway.

–Uptown A Train

Short Jewish lady: Things were much better when there were harems full of women, and the men went off. To war! I think that was a much better system.

–6th St & Christopher

Overheard by: Hunter Freyer

Street vendor selling knock-off handbags and sunglasses: Yeah, but in the military you can survive for weeks in Alaska… Naked!

–56th St & 3rd Ave


You Can Get Anywhere in New York by Wednesday One-Liner

Man playing guitar, as train approaches: Traaaain solo! Performed for you by the MTA mechanical device.

–L Train

Overheard by: Marni

2-year-old girl, repeated once for each cycle of the subway car's information strips: 96th Street! 96th Street! 96th Street!

–2 Train

Tough guy to skinny yuppie guy inside train: Yo, you better hold on to something, or else you might fall. And if you fall on me, I am gonna fuck you up.

–1 Train

Suit to another: I don't know why the trains can't be on time. Now I know why people throw themselves in front of trains. They want to end their life but also fuck over NJ Transit.

–Commuter Rail

Overheard by: lee

Scruffy man in the back of the train, as most people exit it: Now everyone, get out of my car!

–A Train


I'm Married to a Red Hooker

Middle-aged intoxicated white male #1: You've heard of Canal Street, but have you ever heard of Gowanus Canal Street?
Middle-aged intoxicated white male #2: Duh, I've lived here twenty years.

–Atlantic Ave & Smith St, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Mary


What She Did Was Clay Modeling

20-something guy to friend: You're girlfriend's a model? Nice! (pause) My girlfriend did modeling once.
20-something friend: Yeah?
20-something guy: Yeah. She was too short, though.

–Prince St, Soho

Overheard by: Katherine


Gosh, You're Deep.

Girl: It's so strange. This is nothing like Chicago.
Guy: I know. It's New York.

–East 6th St & 1st Ave