Archive for 2011

Wednesdays Find One-Liners on Craigslist

Woman with backpack on cell: Don't ask me why I fell in love with a heroin addict who fucks prostitutes on the side!

–42nd St & 8th Ave

Overheard by: Alpha

Man waiting for prescription in pharmacy, answering cell: Mike's house of sin. No, sorry she isn't available tonight. I can get you another girl, but it will cost you more.

–Forest Hills, New York

Gay man on cell: I'm sweating like a Vietnamese prostitute with a meth addiction!

–West Village, Gay Pride Parade

Overheard by: Pretty hot and sweaty too.

Guy on phone: But if you think about it, all women are prostitutes in a way. I mean, if I'm paying for the red lobster, I should at least get a blowjob at the end of the date.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Taylan

Rocker girl: He went from herpes to a hooker, which is better, but still not good. Tard.

–JFK

Overheard by: I suppose so


Does Everybody in New York See a Wednesday One-Liner?

Young boy, angrily to father: He's my therapist, not my dad!

–Upper West Side

Patron to friend: She needs Jesus and a therapist.

–McDonald's

Overheard by: KP Whitey

Bubble salesman: Cheaper than Prozac, it's bubble therapy!

–48th St & 7th

Guido chick to laughing friends: I was diagnosed as bipolar. Don't fuck with me, I have ADHD!

–PATH Train

Young woman on cell: Even my therapist is working against me!

–43rd & Lexington


Wednesday One-Liners Are Going through a Blue Period.

30-something woman painting by the lake: Dudes, you're crowding my painting! (they don't move) Fuck this shit! Stop looking at my art!

–Prospect Park

Overheard by: taylor

Girl, about art piece: Guess what that one's called! "Untitled"!

–Arario Gallery

Artist's muse: I've left New York before. There's nothing out there. It's a goddamn wasteland. I mean, I went to a waffle house; it was fucking absurdist. I mean, some of the most creative people have come from nowhere. Like, Andy Warhol. Yeah, he was famous, but he came from Buttfuck, Pennsylvania. I've never really cared for Warhol. I mean, I like his style and all, but I wouldn't make him my Facebook friend.

–Spice Cove, E 6th St

Overheard by: Chris F.

Suit on cell: It's like Michelangelo in my mouth…

–37th & 8th


So I'm Green in All Ways.

20-something woman: I like that you planted a tree on Earth Day, dad.
60-something man: I also smoked up on 4/20.

–Broadway & 8th Ave


Worst. Birthday Present. Ever.

Guy #1: So did that make you uncomfortable, what I did last night?
Guy #2: Yeah. I was uncomfortable. I mean, we just walked in and there he was naked and passed out on the couch.

–Port Authority


A Food Policeman's Lot Is Not a Happy One

Girl #1: So I told Monica, if I were in ever in a relationship where I had to ask permission to eat a burrito, I'd shoot myself.
Girl #2: Yeah.

–Prospect Park


We Bring You This Reader's Digest Moment With Profound Reluctance

Bus driver, over loudspeaker: Okay, who can tell me which of these sentences is correct: “the yolks of the eggs *is* white?, or ?the yolks of the eggs *are* white”?
Passengers, after some discussion: The yolks of the eggs *are* white.
Bus driver: The yolks of the eggs are *yellow*! Hah! So much for college!
Passenger: That's not a very good “yolk.”
Bus driver: Ah, the yolk is on you!

–M101 Bus

Overheard by: I was only on this bus b/c the !@#!# M98 never comes


…Do I Need to Show You the Flow-chart Again?

Man: It's nice to be white and in money.
Woman: I don't have any money. In fact I'm looking for a rich boyfriend, let me know if you know of any.
Man: Like your ex-husband?
Woman: No, I'm done with bald white guys.
Other woman: Wait… Are you done with bald guys, or white guys?
Woman: No, I'll do a bald black guy, or a white guy with hair.

–Broadway Dive, 101st & Broadway