Archive for 2011

The Hot Parenting Technique Right Now

Little boy, rooted to the spot in toy section, calling out: Mommy? I can't move from here and I don't know where you are!
Mother, calling from next aisle: I'm here!
Little boy, still not moving: I can't see you!
Mother, coming around corner and leading him off: Honey, we really have to go. We're very late.
Little boy, loudly: Fine, mommy, I won't pick out a toy.
Mother, kindly: Do you want a toaster?
Little boy, sulkily: I dunno.
Mother: Because you wanted toast before?
Little boy, agreeably: Okay. Yeah.

–K-Mart


Or A…Fruit?

Guy playing Fruit Ninja on iPhone: Sugar, I just beat my brother's score! 754!
Girl: Nice! Baby, you should be a chef!

–D Train

Overheard by: Adrian P


Translation: He's Not Jewish

20-something girl #1: He certainly doesn't love me, but…
20-something girl #2: There is a connection?
20-something girl #1: There is a connection. There is an unusual amount of attraction, an unusual amount of fascination, and an unusual amount of delight…

–West Broadway


Whew!

Young suit: Does putting my Oxycontin dealer into my new phone before Laura* make me a bad boyfriend?
Female Suit: No… I think that just makes you a drug addict.

–61st St & Park Ave


How MacGyver Rose from Nothing.

Partially drunk hobo: We're not hobos, assholes.
Tourist chick: Huh… I'll give you ten bucks, some paper, some string, and some sharpies if you make a sign that says “I'm a hobo.”
Partially drunk hobo: Deal.

–Central Park

Overheard by: me!


…I'm Relaxed! I'm Relaxed, Motherfucker!!

Guy on cell: So he finally gets back to me and says I'm obsessing about it and should just relax. Obsessing about it?! I should just relax?! He has the balls to say that I'm obsessing about this?! Do you believe it?! How can he say I'm obsessing about it and should relax?! Obsessing about it! And I should relax! What the fuck does he mean, obsessing about it?

–6th Ave & 14th St

Overheard by: Kevin McCaffrey


So… Good?

NYCHA worker #1: How's your friend Eddie?
NYCHA worker #2: I'm gonna kill that motherfucker!

–103rd St & Amsterdam