Archive for 2011

“Will Wednesday One-Liner for Food”

Hobo to arguing couple walking past: Get over it, man! Tell her you love her. Sometime you gotta kiss some ass, you know.

–8th Ave & 58th St

Overheard by: Lindsey

Bag lady with "the aid kills" sign, yelling: Help the homeless, help the homeless! No cure for the aid. No cure for pussy!

–Bryant Park

Hobo to little girl holding candy cigarette: Yooo! Is that a blunt? Gimme some, young lady.

–Herald Square

Overheard by: Alisa

Bitter beggar to passersby: Can you help me out? Assssssholes! Can you help me out, can you help me out? Assssssholes!

–41st & Madison

Overheard by: voidoid

Hobo to another who just folded and threw away cardboard box: That's one of them disposable beds isn't it?

–2nd Ave & 9th St


100% Kosher Wednesday One-Liners

Jewish girl: I'm not a good Jew. I'm like Spock.

–35th & 6th

Overheard by: superjew

Large, loud, middle-aged woman to girlfriends: And the worst part is they found a Jewish guy to play me in the movie!

–Tompkins Square Park

Overheard by: bumblebree

20-something gentile: So what they're saying is, "if you're already Jewish, we can make you more Jewish."

–Union Square

Overheard by: Not Jewish

Boyfriend to girlfriend: Babe, when you grow up in a tight knit Jewish community, you don't notice noses.

–Angelina Cafe, Ave A & 3rd St


As Your Lawyers, We Advise You to Read These Wednesday One-Liners.

Bearded guy on cell, describing himself: Yeah… Scruffy. Like, if I lived in LA, I'd be a hipster, but because I live in New York, I'm just a sell-out lawyer.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: judydarkness

Judge: You are charged with unsafe driving, by pleading guilty you forfeit your right to a trial. Do you understand the charges brought against you? Of course you don't, because you don't speak English. (pause) Where's my damn interpreter?

–Courthouse

Overheard by: Taylor

Black man on cell: It's all because my lawyer is my brotha… We fuckin' break bread together!

–Elizabeth Street Center

Old woman holding broom: So that lawyer took the money? Goodbye! I'm going to kill her now!

–Astoria

Overheard by: Natalie


Are You Talking About Blowing My Nose?

Middle-aged husband: My sinuses are killing me.
Middle-aged wife: You really should try using a neti pot.
Middle-aged husband: No! That's disgusting! In one nostril and out the other…
Middle-aged wife: Some people think oral sex is disgusting.

–78th St & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Harriet Vane


…The “…She Has Scabies” Was Uncalled For, Though.

20-something girl on Saturday night: And when I woke up, they were all gone and I had a note pinned to my dress that said “please do not fuck this girl.” Wasn't that really nice that someone did that? I didn't recognize the handwriting.
20-something friend: Yeah, that was *really* nice.

–3rd Ave & 10th St

Overheard by: Blaiser


Aerosmith Begs to Differ.

Cheery, talkative young woman to friend as elevator doors closes: I'm goin' on a date tonight, and Brynelle said she doesn't want me to fuck it up by sleeping with him on the first date–I got a bad fuckin' habit of this–because she wants to meet his friends.
Friend: You do realize you said that to this whole elevator, right?
Cheery, talkative young woman: So?
Bemused fellow rider, whispering after the pair walk through lobby: Best elevator ride ever!

–5th Ave

Overheard by: TheWB