Archive for 2011

Take a Page from Wednesday One-Liners…

Woman on cell phone: Listen. It's a fucking book club. We all read the same goddamn book, and then we discuss it. What don't you get? Are you freakin' stupid? This is supposed to be a nice goddamn thing we can do together!

–E Train

Overheard by: homesick

Middle-aged guy to another: I don't particularly like getting books as gifts, it makes me feel obligated to read them.

–96th Street Crosstown Bus

Guy handing out pamphlets: The passion of Sir Shizzle Manizzle! Come read the passion of sir Shizzle Manizzle! (no one takes the pamphlets)

–13th & Broadway

Overheard by: Fiammetta

20-something hipster, dismissively: Naw, they probably just wanna read books or something.

–Greenpoint Ave & Manhattan Ave


When Wednesday Met One-Liner…

Barnard freshman: My standards for an attractive guy have lowered so much since I got here that I'll now date anyone with a penis-like protrusion.

–Outside Psi U House, 114th & Broadway

Coworker: Relationships are not just rainbows and unicorns and bacon and puppies and sriracha sauce, you know!

–52nd & 6th Ave

Overheard by: simon

Girl to friend: My one and only internet date was a satanist. In the end, it wasn't so much that he was a satanist, as that he always had to be right.

–Greenpoint, Brooklyn

Girl in bathroom at bar: I hate being in relationships and dating guys! It's so complicated and pointless… Like when I dissected a frog in bio! Oh, wait… I don't think I've ever dissected a frog, shit! I don't know what it's like then, but it sucks!

–Midtown

Ivy league student: No, we have a "grinding is okay" clause in our relationship contract.


–Ave A & 2nd St


Girl to guy: No, you are not going to start swinging tonight. We are on a date!

–Bedford & North 6th

Overheard by: Amanda


The Master Bedroom Of Wednesday One-Liners

Colleague on phone with Health & Racquet Club: Is there a certain time at the gym during the week that is more popular with masturbation enthusiasts?

–23rd & 6th

Overheard by: ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER

Guy on cell walking dog: Hey, honey. I wanted to call you to tell you that I just masturbated… And I thought about you the whole time.

–110th & Broadway

Overheard by: A-girl

Barnard girl walking by: This dry spell is getting really serious. My hand like, permanently smells like my pussy.

–Broadway & 114th

Overheard by: Rashmi

Man in wheelchair to friends walking: You would think so, but I masturbate with my right hand.

–14th St & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: Staci

Crying girl screaming into cell: Is that the only word you masturbate to?!

–W 4th St & Barrow St

Overheard by: Howard


Wednesdass Hole-Liners

Man, shouting across train platform to women on other side: You on the other train! You going to Woodlawn! Woodlawn's a man's asshole!

–1 Train

Overheard by: Going the other way

Overly loud ghetto thug to 10-year-old white boy staring at him: Nigga, whatchu lookin' up my asshole fo?"

–Bxm10 Express Bus

Overheard by: rectur inspector

Teen girl to friend: I'm not saying she's an asshole, I'm saying her brother's a jackoff.

–Newkirk Ave

Young woman: My son is a lot like me. My daughter is a lot like her father: an asshole. She's an asshole. Does that sound terrible, that I call my two-year-old daughter an asshole?

–1 Train

Overheard by: Rose Fox


Wednesday Can-Be-Taken-More-Than-One-Way Liners

Woman in the middle of cell phone call, entering crowded elevator: Well, I am leaving work right now, and barring any unforeseen problems, I will be able to take you both ways tonight!

–Elevator, 30 Rockefeller Plaza

Overheard by: Michael

Small child holding on to dad's arm for support on train: I'll just hold on to your meaty pole.

–Uptown C Train

Overheard by: K

Grandmother to table: I don't care if it's big! I just don't want it shriveled up.

–Buddy's Deli, Glen Oaks

Overheard by: Howie

Teacher, about flash drive: Why do I have to lie on the floor to get this thing in… Can somebody do it for me please?

–Bronx High School of Science, History Class

Overheard by: urbanadventurer

British student taking picture of statue: I'm going to take it from behind.

–The Met


Squeaky-Clean Wednesday One-Liners

Father on cell: When I come home, you're going to be shamwowed.

–4th st & Ave A

7th grade Asian girl: My mom hasn't done laundry in, like, forever. I'm wearing my bathing suit under this.

–Hunter College High School

College girl, out of nowhere: They should really get soap on a rope in prison. I mean, wouldn't that help people if they are always dropping the soap?

–NJ Transit

Woman on phone: Kids have to be in bed by 9:30, but at 9:00 they must be in hot water, bathing and soaking their penises.

–40th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Michelle


Boys Are Just Accessories to Her.

Girl: Oh, I like your Irish necklace!
Guy: Here, you can have it.
Girl: Oh, wow, thanks! Now ill never forget you, Kevin!
Guy: It's Evan.

–Outside of Bodega, Astoria