Archive for 2011

It Was Like a Circuit Party in My Mouth!

Guy #1: And then we went over to the Starbursts and got a, ya know… a… Jumbo latex frittata.
Guy #2, perplexed: A what?! (pause) No, actually, never mind, don't explain it.

–53rd & 6th

Overheard by: Rochel


“Wednesday,” from the Ancient Greek Meaning “One-Liner”

Thug: Yo, why you gotta be so introspective, bro?

–Union Square

College guy, to five-year-old girl while on cell: Stop talking, you're spitting chocolate everywhere. Anyway, what I was saying is it has to be a metaphysical process…

–Cafe near Fordham University

Overheard by: Stephanie

Student to friend: I have a metaphysical hangover.

–Library, Sarah Lawrence College

Overheard by: Knudt

High school student to friend: "Retroactive," that's like when you do something backwards.

–D Train

Overachieving high school student: If you need a harmony minion, I'm your girl.

–M96 Crosstown Bus


Wedne$day One-Liner$

Four-year-old being pushed by nanny in 100-degree heat: I'm gonna be rich forever!

–E 63rd & 2nd Ave

European man to friend: I knew she was classy, I could tell by the look of her luggage.

–50th & 6th

Suit on cell: Actually, it's not that expensive to buy a tiger…

–11th b/w 2nd & 3rd

Overheard by: Mattchew

Lady who lunches: I went on a cruise to China, so you know, I've seen the third world.

–French Roast, West Village

Obese goth boyfriend with curly red hair to obese goth girlfriend holding huge ice cream: If I ever get rich, I am going to buy you a church. (they walk away in silence)

–2nd Ave & 7th St


WednesNRA One-Liners

50-something man to friends: Tequila… I don't drink tequila! Last time I drank tequila, I ended up in a gun fight. And I didn't have a gun.

–Bar, Brooklyn Heights

Overheard by: Not Drinking Tequila

Suit to another: Did I tell you the machine-gun story? Last night, while I was at work…

–Houston & Bowery

Overheard by: Gemalina McFly

Man to another: I am glad you came with me so you can be a witness when they try to shoot me.

–Union Square Park

Police officer to another: Is the guy in the coonskin hat authorized to carry a musket on the subway?

–67th St & Park Ave

Overheard by: hngryDavy

Eight-year-old boy, pointing at mannequin: Die, fashion lady! Bang! Bang! Bang!

–Kohl's, Queens

Overheard by: Stako


WednesNRA One-Liners

50-something man to friends: Tequila… I don't drink tequila! Last time I drank tequila, I ended up in a gun fight. And I didn't have a gun.

–Bar, Brooklyn Heights

Overheard by: Not Drinking Tequila

Suit to another: Did I tell you the machine-gun story? Last night, while I was at work…

–Houston & Bowery

Overheard by: Gemalina McFly

Man to another: I am glad you came with me so you can be a witness when they try to shoot me.

–Union Square Park

Police officer to another: Is the guy in the coonskin hat authorized to carry a musket on the subway?

–67th St & Park Ave

Overheard by: hngryDavy

Eight-year-old boy, pointing at mannequin: Die, fashion lady! Bang! Bang! Bang!

–Kohl's, Queens

Overheard by: Stako


Where You From, Wednesday One-Liners? (Not That We Care)

Woman with extremely strong Southern drawl to bartender: I'm from North Carolina. We're way more sophisticated than people from Alabama!

–Upper West Side Lounge

Suit to friend: I went to a state college in Texas! I can't be held responsible for my lack of education!

–Astor & Lafayette

Fitness instructor: I was subbing for Christina, who had major jet lag, last week. Yeah, major jet lag on the way back from Florida.

–9th & Court, Brooklyn

Irate 20-something on iPhone: Yes, I am in the middle of Times fucking Square and I have no 3G reception. What is the problem? (pause) What do you mean what state am I in? It's the middle of the goddamn universe. What state are you in? (pause) Well, then there's our problem!

–W 40th & 7 Ave

Overheard by: Vespertinas


Wednesday, the Caped One-Liner

Little girl to other little girls: You a princess, you a princess, I Spider-Man!

–Madison Square

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Teen to friend: And then I Spiderman'd all over his face.

–The Met

Woman to guy dressed as Superman: Ain't you faster than a speedin' bullet? Why you takin the n train?

–N Train

Overheard by: Nedward

Blonde girl: Supersluts are better.

–Houston & Allen


Translation: “I Dig You.”

Hipster Caucasian girl: But, his sex is like… so… vanilla… granola… plain yogurt. Mehh-ghh. I'm not into it. I want some cannoli! Or like some… banana split!
Hipster black girl: See! That's why I love you! You like some kinda extinct white girl species up in the museum of natural history!

–L Train


No-Fifty-Cent-Having-Street-Crossing Bitch That She Is

Panhandler: Hey, who wanna give me 50 cents? Anybody got 50 cents? Hey, I love this lady, she look Chinese. Hey, you Chinese?
Lady: (ignores him, crosses street)
Panhandler, muttering: I hate that fucking lady.

–70th & Amsterdam Ave


Or Fired.

Woman: So I heard you've gone to the dark side, and started seeing one of your students.
Man: What? No! Fuck that! She's cute, but I'm not doing shit, not so recently after my girlfriend started acting paranoid. Anyway, all I did was lend her a book.
Woman: What book did you lend?
Man: Good Omens.
Woman, after pause: Boy, you're gonna get burned.

–Mott St

Overheard by: neongensis