Archive for 2011

Inoperable One-Liners Of the Wednesday

Hobo: 72 pulses in your body, and I'll hit every one of them with my arrow.

–Court St, Brooklyn

Girl, flirtatiously to boyfriend: Your wrists are so tiny!

–Broadway & 14th

Overheard by: Sep10ber

20-something woman on phone: Oh, god! My ovaries are killing me!

–4 Train

Woman on cell: You gotsta yell, this ear is bad. (now yelling) Yell! This ear is bad! (a minute later) Shut up! Don't talk to me like that… Quit yellin! I couldn't hear you!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: rick


Some Clothes-Minded Wednesday One-Liners

Skinny white girl: Yeah, well, you know me. If I dress too chic, I look like a dv victim.

–Cooper square

Overheard by: Lynne

Guy to friend: You got any jumpsuits on ya?

–27th & Broadway

Overheard by: Kelly

Girl in black jeans: No one here is wearing jeans. Jeans are so spring 2012.

–W 24th, Hasted Hunt Kraeutler Gallery

Large, stylish black man on cell: Uh, huh, uh, huh… Well, just throw on some skinny jeans and get all up in that muthafucka.

–Banana Republic

Overheard by: Gretchen

Woman on cell: Look, I've already bought the socks. There's no going back.

–103rd & Broadway


Wednesday One-Third-of-the-Trinity Liners

Mother to toddler: So you wanna play with Jesus, huh? (pause, then sigh) Well, I don't think Jesus is around today… Not in the East Village, anyway.

–6th St & 1st Ave

Overheard by: Pedro

Drunken 40-something: It's cool because Jesus said it. Fuck them all!

–65th & 1st

12-year-old boy in Catholic school uniform on cell: I'm only going if Jesus Christ is going, and I don't think Jesus Christ is over on Flatbush.

–5th Ave, Park Slope

Walking guy: Can we at least agree that Jesus would have a hard time getting on a plane today?

–Prospect Park, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Ladle

Five-year-old: No one cares about Jesus!

–Museum of Modern Art


Wednesday One-Liners Study Languish Arts

Tall female law school know-it-all: You'll do fine on his exam as long as you memorize the notes he gives in class –I mean, like, word for word– and then just reverberate it all!

–Uptown 1 Train

Overheard by: Suze Volchok

Irate conductor to chatty foursome: Next trip you should not ride in the quiet car; I explained to you before that there's no conversating.

–Amtrak Train

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Woman to friend: My laugh is going straight to my abdominable area, it's hilarious!

–16th & 8th, Chelsea

Overheard by: Katherine Wallace

Girl in mid teens looking at sign that reads "Chilean flamingos": Mami, they're Chilalean fingos!

–Bronx Zoo

Overheard by: Kaitlen

Woman on cell: Oh, was he spayded? Did he get spayded? (pause) He was a she?

–42nd & Woodland

Overheard by: Jo USP

Girl on phone: Listen, it's just a pigment of your imagination… of course he's a man.

–110th & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Oona


iWednesday One-Liners

Middle aged DVD audio enthusiast to uninterested first date: Light up buttons, voice commands, gizmos like that… kinda get me off!

–LIRR

Young 20-something male to friend: Thus, rendering computers obsolete.

–Greenwich & Harrison

Overheard by: hngryDavy

Guy on cell: Well, the thing about computers, right, is you could see a computer becoming conscious…

–70th & Broadway

Young suit on phone: I know those were heady times, it was a pre-iPhone world.

–Rivington & Allen

Overheard by: tenneseejed

Lady to guy friends: Technology is awesome! Let's do this! Let's do this!

–64th & Central Park West

Overheard by: PhDre


And God Gave the Man Dominion Over All the Wednesday One-Liners

Skinny hipster: Well, I only say "amateur taxidermist" because he only takes the animal apart and freezes it, but he doesn't actually stuff it.

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: curious

Man to girlfriend, watching penguins frolic in water: Wow, it's almost as if they're birds that can swim.

–Central Park Zoo, Penguin House

20-something to kid: I think sauntering is something horses do, and moseying is something that… walruses do.

–D Train

Hipster guy to friend: Now I'm the two turtles fucking guy!

–Theatre District


Wednesday One-Liners Get Into Some Tough Scrapes

Young woman on cell: Hey, I gotta go have an abortion… can I call you back in, like, 45 minutes?

–Houston & Lafayette

Overheard by: Miguel

Guy on cell: Yeah, I got laid off last week and now my girlfriend won't get an abortion. (pause) She wants to have the fucking kid. (pause) I have no idea what she is thinking, but I really don't want to be a part of it.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Josh

Old white man, trying to walk through overcrowded station: This is why we need more abortions!

–Hunter College

Store manager on speaker: To the parents of Tim*, your son is next door in Mike's Diner. Your three year old. (slams down microphone) This is why there should be abortions!

–Astoria Key Food

Overheard by: Anna

Little girl to her aunt: Mommy didn't take this long the last two times we were here.

–Planned Parenthood Clinic

Overheard by: Holly Golightly


…How Cute Am I Now, Bitch?

Gangster chess player: You're cute, but let's see how smart you are.
30-something career woman: I'd play you, but I'm on a lunch break from my job. Checkmate.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Bardiva


Which Makes It Easy to Avoid

Woman: This is gonna take forever, isn't it? And the service is from four to six.
Man: Four to six? It's already 5:34.
Woman: Yeah, but you know black folk always late. The only black folk that's on time is Tyler Perry. That show start at eight. Eight o'clock comes around, that show is starting.

–Bx12 Bus