Archive for 2011

I Reiterate My Question.

Boy #1: Man, I am hungry! Let's get off here and get some pizza.
Boy #2: Nah, man. You don't want to do that. Round here there's only kosher shit.
Boy #1: What's wrong with kosher shit?
Boy #2: Cheese tastes like pussy!

–B6 Bus


Stuff It in Your Chalupa, Sir

Restaurant patron, on Cinco de Mayo: Can I hit the piñata?
Waiter: Sir, their is nothing inside the piñata.
Restaurant patron: Yes, but there's rage inside me!

–Fonda Mexicana

Overheard by: A – This Girl Knows What I'm Talkin' About


Fuzzy Wuzzy Wuz a Wednesday One-Liner…

Dad to kids: Polar bears are actually quite dangerous… Yeah, they're like the leading cause of death in Alaska.

–Central Park Zoo

Overheard by: Amy

Girl at equipment desk to male coworker: Yeah, I get it… You don't want to get into it. It's like sticking your dick in a bear trap!

–Palladium Gym

Tourist, watching Tennessee old time string band: It reminds me of Disney Land… Where the bears are. Let's go.

–Union Square

Drunk college kid to friend: Dude! I feel like a polar bear who just realized that his life is meaningless!

–C Train

Overheard by: smorell93


“Pretty Wednesday One-Liner, Walkin' Down the Street…”

Girl screaming into cell: Listen, I don't care if he broke your heart, ate half of it, and then burned the other half as you lay there dying! He's beautiful and I'm going to sleep with him!

–Park Slope

Guy: I find Eileen so much more attractive when she sits down.

–Central Park

Man, shouting at passing woman: You are as beautiful as the weather, you … Princess … Queen … Lord of lords.

–1st Ave & 2nd St

Little girl, watching strip club ad on taxi: Mommy, that lady is really pretty!

–86th St


…Hence My High Heels and No Pants

Black guy #1: I ate two of them weed brownies and I was all normal except for seein' all of them cartoon hallucinations. Donald duck, mickey mouse–they was all there in front of me!
Black guy #2: Man, I'm gonna stay away from that shit. I'm paranoid enough already.

–L Train

Overheard by: Not a cartoon


It's a Good Life

Toddler in stroller to obviously frustrated nanny: You're not being nice to me… You're not being nice to me!

–24th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Anderson


Your Editors Would Totally Look

Black man sitting on park bench: Yo, she's so ticklish you touch her and she jumps!
Black woman: Yeah, you just look at ma feet and I crack da fuck up.

–Brooklyn Promenade

Overheard by: Andrew Giambrone