Archive for 2011

I Hate to See a Guy Muffin' a Job Like That

Guy behind the counter at my bodega: What happened to your friend? I haven't seen him in here.
Municipal worker: The Jew guy with the muffins? Oh, he got fired.

–Meeker & Morgan, Greenpoint

Overheard by: Jeb

Are These Guys Drunk, or Stoned? Discuss.

College boy #1, wearing “Democracy is not a spectator sport” shirt: I suckled you from my own breast!
College boy #2: Shut up, dad! You sound just like mom!

–Amtrak Train

Oh, Why Do the Best Things Always Happen to Other People?!

Trashy white woman: What's that? (points to subway grates below her on the sidewalk)
Trashy black guy: That's the subway vents.
Trashy white woman: I'm not gonna fall in, am I? (steps onto grate)
Trashy black guy: No, you're good. But if you did, you'd be a millionaire.

–Bryant Park

Overheard by: marketing stooge

Bad Hobbits Are Tough to Break.

Short 20-something girl in stall #1: Because he's a hobbit! I gotta get out of the shire. I can be in the Shire but my man can't! I need tall babies!
Short 20-something girl in stall #2: But he is funny. What is more important? (to stranger) What do you think, is the Shire really that bad?

–Bathroom, Rudy's Bar

Overheard by: Dani M.

Yeah, Not Enough Injuries

Student #1: Do you think I should do a sport next year at college, like baseball?
Student #2: Baseball? That's gay!

–LaGuardia High School

And the High Horse You Rode In On

Woman of a certain age on bike: Vegans have better health, better sex, longer life, clearer conscience, smaller footprint?
Passerby: Get off the sidewalk.

–12th St & 1st Ave

Overheard by: Zoe