Archive for 2011

Wifesday One-Liners

Girl checking cell: Sharon just texted me telling me she's engorged. (phone beeps) Oh, she meant "engaged." Either way, good for her. –NYU Bobst Library Overheard by: Lotte 60-year-old woman, on Chelsea Clinton wedding: She's not that attractive; they were lucky to marry her off. –79th St & 1st Young woman: She can't get deported, she is my hair stylist. I need to find a man to marry her! –D Train Overheard by: Emm Hobo, eavesdropping on two female suits talking about relationships: He don't wanna marry you? Hit him over the head with a shovel! –Financial District

Wednesday Womb-Liners

Middle-aged woman: I've had three pregnancies so far this year! –Union Square Classy gal to friend: I said, "listen bitch, I would beat you up, but you're fucking pregnant!" –Forest Hills Overheard by: astoria mets fan Ghetto girl to another: I don't know how it happened! He pulls out all the time! –Uptown 1 Train Overheard by: Chris Harmison Overweight girl: I wish I was pregnant again. They treat you special when you're pregnant. –W 39th St

Macy's Got TARP Money?

Shoe store clerk to old man: Can I get you anything?
Old man: A million bucks! –Macy's Herald Square Overheard by: Sarah Chalek