Archive for 2011

He Tricked Me!

Cute girl #1: So you know how my New Year's resolution was to… keep my legs closed a little better?
Cute girl #2: Yes. I did know that. Good one.
Cute girl #1: Well, I had my first slip-up in upholding it.
Cute girl #2: But it's January 2!

–Bleecker & Bowery

Overheard by: Unimpressed, but amused

Wednesday Conga Liners

Man on cell: Yeah, so do you know that show Dancing with the Stars? They got the idea for it from the camera in my shower.

–6th Ave & 55th St

Overheard by: Alicia

Aging badass to lady friend: Yeah, I totally got escorted out of a Tom Petty concert for dancing in the aisles.

–17th St & 5th Ave

Overheard by: Original Badass

Black guy: Hey everybody! Stop what you're doing! There's two black guys about to dance on this train! That's something you don't see often!

–A Train

Flamboyant gay man to friend: You can't sashay in there. There's no room to sashay at all.

–Outside LGBT Community Center, during Fur Ball

Overheard by: pandarants

Drunk Asian girl: It's always time to dance in North Korea.

–2nd St & Ave B

Wednesday One-Liner Cheney

Guy to friends: She walks like she has a huge dick, that's how she walks!

–Office Building, 34th St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Spacedog ears

Drunk guy: So I put my dick in the hard drive.

–10th St & Ave A

Overheard by: guy walking dow street friday

Girl on cell: I can't compete with his dick!

–L Train

Overheard by: fuhggedaboudit

Angry hot girl to friend: Even if he's the biggest swinging dick in the world, so what?

–10th St & 5th Ave

Overheard by: jennifer tobias

Angry middle-aged woman to silent husband: I come home, I want some gin and some dick.

–59th St & Lexington Ave

Overheard by: Dave

Wednesdsay Caniners

Middle-aged suit to another: You definitely don't want to be on the streets with three miniature Dachshunds on the loose.

–46th & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: alexander

Guy at dinner with friends: No, slapping her ass isn't perverted, it's just inappropriate. Perverted would be jerking off onto my dog's face or some shit.

–23rd & 10th

Overheard by: Matt

White gay man to another: Every time I see a dog chained to a parking meter and the owner is like in the store, it makes me want to call the NAACP.

–M7 Bus

Overheard by: HarlemAllDay

Ghetto woman on cell: A Maltese dog. A Maltese! (pause) One of them little dogs that don't never grow.

–27th St & Broadway

Overheard by: Katherine

Flamboyant gay man to couple pushing bulldog in stroller: Oh my god! Your dog ate your baby!

–Chelsea

Overheard by: Sarah

Wednesday One-Liners: Glug Glug Glug, Ahh!

NYU student to another: I haven't been drinking as much since I turned 21.

–Duane Reade

Overheard by: Rogelio

College girl to friend: I wasn't drunk, I was just cheerful.

–Canal St & Mott St

20-something girl on cell: He was drunk and fucking his demon ex-girlfriend.

–181 & Ft. Washington

Guy in dirty army clothes to another: I was still drunk, thank god Dunkin' Donuts was open.

–D Train

Middle aged guy on cell: That's what happens when you drink, motherfucker! You can't remember shit!

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: Aron

Wednesday One-Liners' Next Stop Is Meth

Man shouting to woman nearby: Yo! You better hurry up. I got you a ride. I'm going straight to the bridge, and I ain't stopping for no crack!

–Amsterdam Ave & 92nd St.

Overheard by: Dana

Girl in dress to friends: And that was the first time I sucked dick for crack…

–10th St & Ave A

Man to another as he walks away: Don't spend it all in one crackhouse.

–SoHo

Woman, yelling at man twenty feet ahead: Hey! Don't walk away from me. At least you got crack yesterday!

–Broadway & 96th St

Wednesday One-Liners' Next Stop Is Meth

Man shouting to woman nearby: Yo! You better hurry up. I got you a ride. I'm going straight to the bridge, and I ain't stopping for no crack!

–Amsterdam Ave & 92nd St.

Overheard by: Dana

Girl in dress to friends: And that was the first time I sucked dick for crack…

–10th St & Ave A

Man to another as he walks away: Don't spend it all in one crackhouse.

–SoHo

Woman, yelling at man twenty feet ahead: Hey! Don't walk away from me. At least you got crack yesterday!

–Broadway & 96th St

There Are Niche Fetishists Who Would Pay Top Dollar for That Footage

Guy #1: I just don't like the look of the outie. And sometimes she rubs it against me, it creeps me out!
Guy #2: Dude, she's fuckin' hot! And you're complaining when she rubs against you?
Guy #1: No, no, no–she's not rubbing against me, she's rubbing the outie against me–big difference! And she's only doing it to creep me out, 'cause she thinks it's funny.

–6 Train