Archive for 2011

…What Would Jesus Do?

Old woman sitting behind table filled with bibles: Well, the Rapture is happening… but the Paramount is open till eight. So…

–Chelsea

Overheard by: Savannah


It's Not Easy Selling Green.

Russian teen #1: Their American civilization, this is crap. American youth is spoiled.
(Russian teen #2 nods unconvinced)
Russian teen #1
: Look what the black guy was selling to the white guy ! (shows small transparent bag with weed)

Russian teen #2: Yeah… To pay 60 dollars for shit, fucking insane…
(Russian teen #1 looks puzzled)
Russian teen #2, taking out cash from his pocket
: That's what he paid.


–Lexington Ave


Another Mysterious Performance by The Robert Frost Society

Boyfriend to girlfriend: Guess our table number!
Girlfriend: Why?
Boyfriend: If you guess right you get an extra 10 minutes tonight.
Girlfriend: At what? (raises eyebrows and guesses wrong)
Boyfriend: Oh, well… I guess you are on top again tonight.

–Duane Reade


Whenever It Tries to Escape, They Drag It Back

Teenager: Who wants to sleep on the plane? Lets just stay here!
Dad: Who knows, this plane might go to Anchorage or something…
Teenager: Oh cool, I like Canada. I wouldn't mind staying there.
Flight attendant: Anchorage is in Alaska…

–LGA

Overheard by: Tired FA


I Always Assumed They Were His Friends from School

White guy: What are those? I don't know what a koi is!
White girl #1: It's like a giant Japanese goldfish.
White guy: Oh, it's Japanese?
White girl #2: My dentist used to have those in his office!

–Brooklyn Botanic Garden


Our Fingers, Our Toes and Our Penises!

Con ed guy #1: Ok, so it's 33 plus 9. What's that make?
Con ed guy #2: Ummm… Ahhh…
Con ed guy #1: Hmmm… Ummm… Let's see…
Con ed guy #2: (shrugs shoulders, looks away)
Con ed guy #1: Ahhh, it's 42 … I think.

–Grand b/w Broadway & Crosby

Overheard by: Pedro


Angelina Had Hoped to Get the Item in Exchange for Fellatio

Teen girl: Hi, can you tell me how much this is?
Cashier: It's $4.95.
Teen girl: Yeah, but it was in the 30% off bin.
Cashier: It's 30% off of $4.95.
Teen girl: Can you check how much that would be, though?
Cashier: It's like a buck and something off.
Teen girl: Oh, uh, okay. (leaves without buying item)

–Staten Island Mall