Archive for 2011

Another Mysterious Performance by The Robert Frost Society

Boyfriend to girlfriend: Guess our table number!
Girlfriend: Why?
Boyfriend: If you guess right you get an extra 10 minutes tonight.
Girlfriend: At what? (raises eyebrows and guesses wrong)
Boyfriend: Oh, well… I guess you are on top again tonight.

–Duane Reade

Whenever It Tries to Escape, They Drag It Back

Teenager: Who wants to sleep on the plane? Lets just stay here!
Dad: Who knows, this plane might go to Anchorage or something…
Teenager: Oh cool, I like Canada. I wouldn't mind staying there.
Flight attendant: Anchorage is in Alaska…


Overheard by: Tired FA

I Always Assumed They Were His Friends from School

White guy: What are those? I don't know what a koi is!
White girl #1: It's like a giant Japanese goldfish.
White guy: Oh, it's Japanese?
White girl #2: My dentist used to have those in his office!

–Brooklyn Botanic Garden

Our Fingers, Our Toes and Our Penises!

Con ed guy #1: Ok, so it's 33 plus 9. What's that make?
Con ed guy #2: Ummm… Ahhh…
Con ed guy #1: Hmmm… Ummm… Let's see…
Con ed guy #2: (shrugs shoulders, looks away)
Con ed guy #1: Ahhh, it's 42 … I think.

–Grand b/w Broadway & Crosby

Overheard by: Pedro

Angelina Had Hoped to Get the Item in Exchange for Fellatio

Teen girl: Hi, can you tell me how much this is?
Cashier: It's $4.95.
Teen girl: Yeah, but it was in the 30% off bin.
Cashier: It's 30% off of $4.95.
Teen girl: Can you check how much that would be, though?
Cashier: It's like a buck and something off.
Teen girl: Oh, uh, okay. (leaves without buying item)

–Staten Island Mall

You Mean “Tall?”

Customer to barista: Are your bathrooms open?
Barista: Yeah, there is probably someone in there now, though.
(10 seconds later)
: Are there keys for the bathroom?

Barista: No, there is just someone in there.
(customer leaves)
Barista, really loudly
: Man, that guy must have had to take a massive dump!

–Starbucks 33rd & 5th

Overheard by: Becky

God, I Miss the Eighties

Thug girl, watching snow-covered sidewalk: Ugh! Why are all these people everywhere?
Thug boy: Because its powdered, nigga!

–Essex Street & Delancey

Overheard by: The Cuban