Archive for 2011

Another Mysterious Performance by The Robert Frost Society

Boyfriend to girlfriend: Guess our table number!
Girlfriend: Why?
Boyfriend: If you guess right you get an extra 10 minutes tonight.
Girlfriend: At what? (raises eyebrows and guesses wrong)
Boyfriend: Oh, well… I guess you are on top again tonight.

–Duane Reade


Whenever It Tries to Escape, They Drag It Back

Teenager: Who wants to sleep on the plane? Lets just stay here!
Dad: Who knows, this plane might go to Anchorage or something…
Teenager: Oh cool, I like Canada. I wouldn't mind staying there.
Flight attendant: Anchorage is in Alaska…

–LGA

Overheard by: Tired FA


I Always Assumed They Were His Friends from School

White guy: What are those? I don't know what a koi is!
White girl #1: It's like a giant Japanese goldfish.
White guy: Oh, it's Japanese?
White girl #2: My dentist used to have those in his office!

–Brooklyn Botanic Garden


Our Fingers, Our Toes and Our Penises!

Con ed guy #1: Ok, so it's 33 plus 9. What's that make?
Con ed guy #2: Ummm… Ahhh…
Con ed guy #1: Hmmm… Ummm… Let's see…
Con ed guy #2: (shrugs shoulders, looks away)
Con ed guy #1: Ahhh, it's 42 … I think.

–Grand b/w Broadway & Crosby

Overheard by: Pedro


Angelina Had Hoped to Get the Item in Exchange for Fellatio

Teen girl: Hi, can you tell me how much this is?
Cashier: It's $4.95.
Teen girl: Yeah, but it was in the 30% off bin.
Cashier: It's 30% off of $4.95.
Teen girl: Can you check how much that would be, though?
Cashier: It's like a buck and something off.
Teen girl: Oh, uh, okay. (leaves without buying item)

–Staten Island Mall


You Mean “Tall?”

Customer to barista: Are your bathrooms open?
Barista: Yeah, there is probably someone in there now, though.
(10 seconds later)
Customer
: Are there keys for the bathroom?

Barista: No, there is just someone in there.
(customer leaves)
Barista, really loudly
: Man, that guy must have had to take a massive dump!


–Starbucks 33rd & 5th

Overheard by: Becky


God, I Miss the Eighties

Thug girl, watching snow-covered sidewalk: Ugh! Why are all these people everywhere?
Thug boy: Because its powdered, nigga!

–Essex Street & Delancey

Overheard by: The Cuban


Hence, the 'Got Root?' T-Shirt?

Californian boy: Dude, why are you always running to like 50 different places a day?
New York geeky girl: Because my brain is programed to run New Yorker 10.0 and yours is Californian 4.20. Similar operating systems, only we get stuff done on time, don't wear sandals to work, and are frankly just slightly superior to everybody.

–N Train

Overheard by: allyse