Archive for 2011

The Hard Part Is Pretending to Listen

Guy #1: Oh, I'm not really up for a relationship. I mean… Being in a relationship means talking to the same person every single day.
Guy #2: Yeah…

–42nd St

Overheard by: Lana

The Ad Captain Morgan Doesn't Want You to See

Hobo, slurring slightly: Ladies and gentlemen. Sorry to bother you but I'm homeless and hungry. Please, if you can help me with some money for food. God bless you and your families.
Woman: You want a sip of rum?
Homeless man: Huh?
Woman: A sip of rum. That's all I've got. (unscrews the cap of the bottle in a brown bag)
Hobo, taking sip and smacking lips: Aaaaahhhhh…

–D Train

Kiss a MILF's Stretch Marks, and She's Yours

Ex frat boy #1: Yeah, older women can be hot.
Ex frat boy #2: Seriously, man. Women around 30 are the best. That's when they start getting boob jobs and shit.

–14th St & Ave B

Overheard by: Only22

Wednesday One-Liners Can't Get No Satisfaction (And They Try)

20-something male office worker to female coworker: We haven't had sex yet, and it's been one month. What is this, the 1920s?

–Bryant Park

Man to friend: I don't need a nanny. But if I did, I'd hire a guy that looked like Mr Belvedere. Ain't nobody sexin' Mr Belvedere.

–6 Train

Seventeen-year-old girl to friend: He doesn't believe in premarital sex and he's a teenage boy. I just want to have lots and lots of sex! (pauses) Oh my god, am I grimy? Am I turning into a slut?

–F Train

Overheard by: Grimy?

Middle aged woman: I am not putting out tonight.

–49th & Broadway

Overheard by: Airbags

Wednesdong One-Liners

Angry guy on cell: She has everything up her ass but a cock.

–Broadway & Waverly

Overheard by: Pallavi

Guy on phone: I'm going to remove the flesh from your penis and expose the bone.

–Bedford Ave

20-something girl to friend: Isn't this the best thing you've ever had in your mouth? I mean besides a dick…

–Artichoke Pizza, 14th & 1st

Young man, about new-born son: I have never been so excited to see a penis!

–6 Train

Small teenage girl: Why employ three frogs to do what one penis could accomplish?

–Metropolitan Museum of Art

Wednesday Send People One-Liners Of Their Junk

Young woman on cell: And by "photography," he meant "vagina," right?" (laughs)

–Post Office

Overheard by: Pedro

20-something chick in curlers on cell: No, I ain't be having that. I'll just tell her, 'if you send me any pictures of your son again, you will be receiving a punch in the face.'

–Town Drug Pharmacy

Overheard by: Ladle

Facebooking sorority sister: It's not a good picture of him, but it is a very good picture of me.

–25th & 6th

Overheard by: Shan

Tourist woman to other tourists, pointing at random building: I guess we could take a picture of that?

–Wall Street

Overheard by: Ladle

Who's Afraid Of Wednesday One-Liner?

Young black girl: I hate it when momma tries to scare the white ladies on the train.

–F Train

Bag lady, yelling: Ladies and gentlemen, the 6 train ain't running because I scared the engineer! I said "boo!" and he went "ah!" and the train stopped running."

–6 Train

Overheard by: that explains it

Guy to friends: Do I look like someone who would be afraid to tell you to fuck off?

–Bleecker & Thompson

Overheard by: chang

Drug addict, unprovoked, to meek, bespectacled dude with cello case: You think I'm scared of you?

–Union Square Park