Archive for 2011

Your Editors Nodded Off Just Reading the Explanation

Asian girlfriend, walking down the street: You know those people from the anime Kekkaishi? I wonder how they could use their powers in the real world.
African-American boyfriend, holding her hand: I know… Border patrol. Ketsu, ketsu, ketsu! No way, Josés, are you getting over! Then they'll shrink them and send them back to Mexico city.

–Park Slope

The Hard Part Is Pretending to Listen

Guy #1: Oh, I'm not really up for a relationship. I mean… Being in a relationship means talking to the same person every single day.
Guy #2: Yeah…

–42nd St

Overheard by: Lana

The Ad Captain Morgan Doesn't Want You to See

Hobo, slurring slightly: Ladies and gentlemen. Sorry to bother you but I'm homeless and hungry. Please, if you can help me with some money for food. God bless you and your families.
Woman: You want a sip of rum?
Homeless man: Huh?
Woman: A sip of rum. That's all I've got. (unscrews the cap of the bottle in a brown bag)
Hobo, taking sip and smacking lips: Aaaaahhhhh…

–D Train

Kiss a MILF's Stretch Marks, and She's Yours

Ex frat boy #1: Yeah, older women can be hot.
Ex frat boy #2: Seriously, man. Women around 30 are the best. That's when they start getting boob jobs and shit.

–14th St & Ave B

Overheard by: Only22

Wednesday One-Liners Are a Big Deal

30-something girl to friend: If I was a betting woman, I'd bet… (pause) Well, I mean I just wouldn't bet. I'm not a betting person.

–77th & Columbus

Angry black woman: I'm blacker than the ace of spades… So play your trump card!

–6 Train

Woman on cell: Well, at least I can't gamble in Manhattan.

–LaGuardia Airport

Kid crossing the street, aggressively to older brother: Don't verbally poker me!

–5th Ave & 58th St

Overheard by: Tracy

Wednesday One-Liners Can't Get No Satisfaction (And They Try)

20-something male office worker to female coworker: We haven't had sex yet, and it's been one month. What is this, the 1920s?

–Bryant Park

Man to friend: I don't need a nanny. But if I did, I'd hire a guy that looked like Mr Belvedere. Ain't nobody sexin' Mr Belvedere.

–6 Train

Seventeen-year-old girl to friend: He doesn't believe in premarital sex and he's a teenage boy. I just want to have lots and lots of sex! (pauses) Oh my god, am I grimy? Am I turning into a slut?

–F Train

Overheard by: Grimy?

Middle aged woman: I am not putting out tonight.

–49th & Broadway

Overheard by: Airbags

Wednesdong One-Liners

Angry guy on cell: She has everything up her ass but a cock.

–Broadway & Waverly

Overheard by: Pallavi

Guy on phone: I'm going to remove the flesh from your penis and expose the bone.

–Bedford Ave

20-something girl to friend: Isn't this the best thing you've ever had in your mouth? I mean besides a dick…

–Artichoke Pizza, 14th & 1st

Young man, about new-born son: I have never been so excited to see a penis!

–6 Train

Small teenage girl: Why employ three frogs to do what one penis could accomplish?

–Metropolitan Museum of Art

Wednesday Send People One-Liners Of Their Junk

Young woman on cell: And by "photography," he meant "vagina," right?" (laughs)

–Post Office

Overheard by: Pedro

20-something chick in curlers on cell: No, I ain't be having that. I'll just tell her, 'if you send me any pictures of your son again, you will be receiving a punch in the face.'

–Town Drug Pharmacy

Overheard by: Ladle

Facebooking sorority sister: It's not a good picture of him, but it is a very good picture of me.

–25th & 6th

Overheard by: Shan

Tourist woman to other tourists, pointing at random building: I guess we could take a picture of that?

–Wall Street

Overheard by: Ladle

Who's Afraid Of Wednesday One-Liner?

Young black girl: I hate it when momma tries to scare the white ladies on the train.

–F Train

Bag lady, yelling: Ladies and gentlemen, the 6 train ain't running because I scared the engineer! I said "boo!" and he went "ah!" and the train stopped running."

–6 Train

Overheard by: that explains it

Guy to friends: Do I look like someone who would be afraid to tell you to fuck off?

–Bleecker & Thompson

Overheard by: chang

Drug addict, unprovoked, to meek, bespectacled dude with cello case: You think I'm scared of you?

–Union Square Park