Archive for 2011

Now I Hate You

Pretty brunette #1: My parents hate me.
Pretty brunette #2: What do you mean?
Pretty brunette #1: They told me I have to pay for my own gas and insurance! Plus, I already have to pay for my ice skating lessons and my trip to France.
Pretty brunette #2: Didn't they pay for us to see this show tonight?
Pretty brunette #1: Yeah, but that's not what I mean!

–Majestic Theatre


Hot Tranny Wednesday One-Liners

Father to son: Hey! You boy! You don't work that pole!

–L Train

Overheard by: Sanam

Tranny, wailing to nobody in particular: Women! You don't have any vagina muscles! You can't please the men!

–Amsterdam & 96th St

Tall black man: Can you believe that that bitch called me a faggot? A faggot is a little boy, I am a grown ass drag queen. I will put on a wig and some heels and rip that bitch's throat out!

–34th & 7th

Overheard by: Jade

20-something white girl on phone: Oh my god, guess where I went today… Target! (pause)
It's in Spanish Harlem. (pause) Yes, I went with someone, I went with this gay guy who acted more of a girl than I did!

–Penn Station

30-something suit on cell: But you know what? (audible snap!) That's just a good lesson for the trannies!

–A Train

Overheard by: willbnyc


Wednesday One-Liners, Now in 3D!

Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, here is today's trivia question: in the movie The Wizard of Oz, what was the name of Dorothy's uncle? If you know the answer please tell the conductor. It's driving him nuts.

–F Train

Overheard by: Nick Mavro

Man on cell: Are you on 17th or 18? Okay, we'll meet in the middle. Like Benjamin Button.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Megan

Coed to friend: Girl, don't even question how many times I've seen Maid in Manhattan.

–86th & Lexington

Overheard by: Lix

Old gayguy sagely talking to really old gay guy on stoop: When A Clockwork Orange was made it was a fable. Now it's a documentary.

–Chelsea

Overheard by: Beethoven

Hobo pushing office chair down street to students waiting in long line: What is this line for? This better be for a damn good movie, with lots of sex and violence! What is this shit? Chucky gets married or something?!

–University & 8th


Wednesday One-Liners Should Be Treated with Kid Gloves

Dad to screaming toddler he's hanging upside down: Shhh! Shh… Sweetie, it's just like yoga… Now deep breathe… Now… Practice your chakras…

–1st Ave & 1st St

Young father to toddler: Hey man, it's not cool to scratch your butt in public! I know you have an itchy, but the chicks don't dig that.

–Prospect Park West

Overheard by: Marina

Dad with European accent to young boy slowly riding bike with training wheels: Do you know what we call this in English? (pause) "Pathetic."

–Park Slope

Overheard by: baconista

Father to toddler, after she picked up pacifier from pavement: The five-second rule does not apply in New York City!

–M&M Store

Dad, walking 7-year-old son to school: You gotta remember. Everything I know, I know from comic books.

–91st St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Moses


Wednesday One-Liners See the Big Picture

Usher to couple taking pictures: Excuse me, please. If you love Jesus, you'll stop taking pictures of the chandelier.

–Broadway Theater

Guy on cell: And the Jackie Onassis picture had laser beams for eyes!

–Central Park Reservoir

Hobo, screaming at young female tourist attempting to photograph him: Go ahead, take a picture, bitch! I'll break that shit. (looks at her companion) That yo man? I'll break him too!

–Chelsea

Overheard by: Mark P

Holidaying mum to teenager: Why do you have to do that? You ruin every freaking picture! Take a nice picture!

–6 Train

Overheard by: katherine Wallace

Teen on cell: I'm gonna take a big dump, send you a picture of it, then you can call me back.

–Bushwick


Wednesday One-Liners Get Ready to Rummmmmble!

Skinny white lady: I don't know if they're gang members, but they're, like, tough people, and we got in a fight…

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: Jon A.

Rotund black mama: I could drop kick a negro!

–36th & 9th

Husky Woody Allen-voiced gent: Melinda pinches me. Really hard. I get black and blue.

–Church St

Overheard by: Justin Severed

Girl on cell: I want to slap you in your face! (pause) Yes, I'm causing a scene! People are staring at me!

–Mercer & 3rd Ave

Ironically ghetto finance dude: Dude, if I had the power, I'd smite the mighty fuck out of you.

–Pace University

Overheard by: JFelt


Every Real Housewives Of… Franchise: In a Nutshell.

Girl #1 to girl #2: My friend is crazy, literally crazy, like you wouldn't believe. But she's got a good heart, most people who meet her turn away, but you just gotta get to know her. And she's engaged to a gazillionaire, who's married but getting a divorce. He lives with her in a condo he got. We useta have fun, but now that she's preggers and I'm in debt we can't. Oh, but I finally paid off my Balenciaga bag!
Girl #2: Didn't you guy that bag like five years ago?

–Starbucks


…Where I Went to School.

Spanish guy to American woman in cafe: Oh, this music is so great, so sad… Do you know it? It's a fado.
American woman: Oh, that's nice, where's it from?
Spanish guy: From Portugal, have you ever been there?
American woman: No, I've never been anywhere south of Texas.

–East Village